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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guy made a comment on my parenting

136 replies

bubbles1994 · 13/02/2024 13:14

Hey everyone so, I'm a single mum with a 2 year old daughter, I decided i wanted to start dating as I'm lonely as hell. So I've been texting with a guy who has 2 little girls 7 + 4. We've been really getting on for the past 2 weeks. Last night he made a comment and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but my daughter has been unwell all week so her sleep pattern has been a bit messed up and she was up at 9pm last night, and has been waking up because of her cough a couple nights too. Obviously the guy knows this because I've told him. So anyway, I've put a couple screenshots of his and my messages and I just feel like he was kind of judging me, but I don't know if I'm overreacting and i really do my best as a parent. What do you think?

Guy made a comment on my parenting
Guy made a comment on my parenting
Guy made a comment on my parenting
OP posts:
MrsSucculent · 13/02/2024 17:08

depending on everything else he’s said and the overall impression you have then either he’s a twat or he was clumsily joking about parenting.

DonnyBurrito · 13/02/2024 17:08

OR he might be super authoritarian and pointing out that he's a hardass parent in comparison to OP. Maybe if his kids are poorly they don't get any TLC, they were sleep trained at 3 months, never allowed to breastfeed for comfort, etc...

If it wasn't that, then he's just unintelligent.

NewDogOwner · 13/02/2024 17:18

I wouldn't be discussing my female child with a random from the internet. Be more protective over your child.

Maryquitecontrarymary · 13/02/2024 17:18

DonnyBurrito · 13/02/2024 17:08

OR he might be super authoritarian and pointing out that he's a hardass parent in comparison to OP. Maybe if his kids are poorly they don't get any TLC, they were sleep trained at 3 months, never allowed to breastfeed for comfort, etc...

If it wasn't that, then he's just unintelligent.

Edited

Wow and here we go, the breast is best brigade. So those who don't breastfeed their kids aren't comforting them and are authoritarian?
Quite a big difference between a kid being ill and needing comfort and being up late at night screaming 'boobies" for fun.
Maybe he just has well behaved kids

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/02/2024 17:19

If you're not happy don't take the relationship further but I think you are maybe feeling a bit sensitive to being judged. If he's already told you his 4 yr old was awake at 11pm one night I would have taken his comment about "mine always sleep" as a joke

Bumblebeestiltskin · 13/02/2024 17:22

bubbles1994 · 13/02/2024 13:55

Thanks for everyone for replying to this.

Most of you seem to understand why I'm a bit unhappy with his comments, now how do I go about saying something to him about it but I've had it on my mind since yesterday and I also think it's a red flag, like if we were to pursue a relationship, would he judge me around his own kids etc. Feel I must point this out to him in some way or just cut the guy off, he seemed so nice before this comment. I don't tell him the ins and outs of my day and he doesn't know much about my parenting style. I've never made comments towards his children. He has them every weekend at his mums where he is staying currently and he's much more well off than me financially. I have no family to help with mine either so, I find it odd that he'd compare us in anyway.

I'm also a single parent, and dating, and there's no way I'd date someone with such a different parenting style to mine that they'd point it out in such a knobby, smug way.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 13/02/2024 17:23

Bladwdoda · 13/02/2024 14:18

He has them every weekend at his mums

^ well that coupled with the comments about parenting style would be enough for me to say “no thanks”’personally.

Why talk to him about it. He’s showing you who he is really early on. Listen.

This 🙌🏼

SecondUsername4me · 13/02/2024 17:26

He has them every weekend at his mums where he is staying currently

I'd probably snap back "yeah, I imagine it's easy parenting them when you have Mummy's help Grin"

thebestinterest · 13/02/2024 17:29

The way you’re discussing your daughter doesn’t sound great either, OP.

maybe examine your actions and how you’re portraying her to the world before becoming offended?

FirstTimeMum887 · 13/02/2024 17:31

He doesn't have his kids every weekend, his mother does. I see no judgment in this text but I would actually judge HIM because he obviously has never taken care of small children on his own and has no idea about parenting. So I would break it off on that basis.

Dogknowsbest · 13/02/2024 17:36

I remember when I started dating. I came to the conclusion there's no point in discussing parenting with a man quite early on. They're quite judgey about what they consider "weak" parenting but when the shit hits the fan never there to pick the pieces up.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 13/02/2024 17:46

I read that as a lighthearted quip too.

DonnyBurrito · 13/02/2024 17:46

Maryquitecontrarymary · 13/02/2024 17:18

Wow and here we go, the breast is best brigade. So those who don't breastfeed their kids aren't comforting them and are authoritarian?
Quite a big difference between a kid being ill and needing comfort and being up late at night screaming 'boobies" for fun.
Maybe he just has well behaved kids

Show quote history

You've completely misinterpreted what I said.

It's possible to breastfeed for nutritional purposes only and not for comfort (ie no extra during illness/injury/bedtime/through the night/etc).

If an older toddler is asking for 'boobies', I would assume they have been breastfed for both nutrition and comfort.

It was just another possibility. It's likely he's just dense ☺️

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 13/02/2024 17:49

Weird having such a convo about your child so early on. What a bore of that is. I mean if he’s looking for a step mum for his kids rather than a partner then you’ve walked right into it and seeing as he’s commenting on your parenting styles then I’d be inclined to think that’s what’s he’s after.

AliceOlive · 13/02/2024 17:51

Run. He’s living at his mum’s and has his kids two nights a week. He shouldn’t be judging anyone.

Cheeseflakes · 13/02/2024 17:51

He did 🤣🤣🤣

Doesn't that mean he's joking around? Besides he'd soon see the reality

Noseybookworm · 13/02/2024 17:54

It sounds like a poor attempt at a joke to me, don't read too much into it. Maybe a bit insensitive but I wouldn't write him off because of it.

SweatpantPotato · 13/02/2024 18:02

I think he was negging you and trying to make you feel a little bad/insecure. I hope your little one feels much better soon and you both get some rest! (Which is all he needed to say really, right?)

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 18:12

Those messagesfrom him are twatty. Well done first of all for speaking up and saying your daughter is good.

now how do I go about saying something to him about it but I've had it on my mind since yesterday and I also think it's a red flag

I think the moment to say something has passed but now you're aware he can make these off hand comments you can be more prepared next time and stand up for yourself and see how he reacts to that.

But really, if you feel it's red flag behaviour, I would agree with you and that you should cut your losses now.

CucumberBagel · 13/02/2024 18:18

There is nearly always a reason these twats have a failed first marriage.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 13/02/2024 18:23

How often does he have access. Easy for a Disney dad to judge.

Coyoacan · 13/02/2024 18:42

Even with the emojis everyone assumes his comment was criticism. I despair. Is it something in the water that means mumsnetters can no longer appreciate a joke?

DonnyBurrito · 13/02/2024 19:00

Coyoacan · 13/02/2024 18:42

Even with the emojis everyone assumes his comment was criticism. I despair. Is it something in the water that means mumsnetters can no longer appreciate a joke?

If it was a joke, what was the punchline?

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 19:00

Coyoacan · 13/02/2024 18:42

Even with the emojis everyone assumes his comment was criticism. I despair. Is it something in the water that means mumsnetters can no longer appreciate a joke?

People never say cutting things with emojis, right? 😂😂

IsthisthereallifeIsthisjustfantasy · 13/02/2024 19:02

LilBus · 13/02/2024 14:20

Was waiting for the “I’ve known him years” line to come out always does…

Fairly normal in small town, close knit communities?