Guy made a comment on my parenting

[bubbles1994]

Hey everyone so, I'm a single mum with a 2 year old daughter, I decided i wanted to start dating as I'm lonely as hell. So I've been texting with a guy who has 2 little girls 7 + 4. We've been really getting on for the past 2 weeks. Last night he made a comment and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but my daughter has been unwell all week so her sleep pattern has been a bit messed up and she was up at 9pm last night, and has been waking up because of her cough a couple nights too. Obviously the guy knows this because I've told him. So anyway, I've put a couple screenshots of his and my messages and I just feel like he was kind of judging me, but I don't know if I'm overreacting and i really do my best as a parent. What do you think?

TBH, if my poorly toddler was screaming at me and I chose to text someone instead of helping her get back to sleep, I’d expect to be called out on my parenting!

This would have irritated me and I'd probably stop bothering with him.

The smugness and his superiority would put me off.

I wouldn’t like it . He sounds smug and superior. I wonder how much of his children’s bedtime routine his ex would credit him with establishing?
has he never bothered to deal with his own children when they have been unwell?

Every other weekend at his mums 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Yeah my vagina is sealed shut. That combined with the smugness is grim. Has he EVER done any solo parenting of a sick child?!

I don't like the sound of him he sounds judgemental and smug at the same time. i wouldn't want to have a serious relationship with him as i don't think it would be good for your child to always be compared to his 'perfect' children who i have no doubt are not always perfect

Ha ha this.

Ahh I've got lots of people saying things about my child screaming boobies at me. She's picked up a bad word and is just throwing it at me because I told her not to say it. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it to him but I just thought it was lighthearted, and just a toddler thing to do so I was just being honest. He's also not JUST a random guy that I've picked up on a dating site, I knew him years back before I had a child through a close family friend and we used to see eachother at family occasions.

He also knows that my child is being assessed for autism so she can be a little hyperactive at times

He has them every weekend at his mums

^ well that coupled with the comments about parenting style would be enough for me to say “no thanks”’personally.

Why talk to him about it. He’s showing you who he is really early on. Listen.

Every other weekend. At his mums. We all know who is doing the parenting work here eh?

Was waiting for the “I’ve known him years” line to come out always does…

She wasn't screaming at me in a needy way, more like she was playfully shouting boobies at me because I told her not to say it lol.

I mean well I wouldn't sit here and lie, I didn't say I've known him years, I said I've known him through a close family friend who used to bring him to family occasions so in that way I've known him years.

He's a twat. If he was a nice guy he'd have said something sympathetic like " Yeah they're a nightmare when they're ill, aren't they?" Instead he's implied his kids never put a foot wrong because of his wonderful parenting. Ugh

I wouldn't like it.
It's a scaled down version of when your baby or toddler doesn't sleep and you mention it, some smug git likes to say 'Little Lucy sleeps 13 hours a night' 🤬
It's your call but I couldn't see it going much further.

I feel as though I should delete this thread as it appears I'm suddenly getting judged again 😫 also for those asking about my previous posts, yes I've been through stuff and I am receiving mental health support. This doesn't mean I'm unable to date.. nor does it affect me trying to. Also does not affect my parenting, I've always put my child first hence why I have not yet met this guy in the first place, I do not want men in and out of my child's life or to have toxic relationships with them around her. My main focus is on my child, I came on here for advice and I just feel judged by some of the comments made. Regarding the original post, think I will just outright tell him that it made me uncomfortable and call it a day, find it a red flag.

You shouldn’t have told him about your kid being assessed, either, as it’s offering up more vulnerabilities to a bloke who is still a complete stranger even if you knew him a bit before.

Look up how to safeguard your child and what red flags look like, you’re (and your kid) really at risk of being preyed upon by bloke with bad intentions.

I think if your 2 year old is already being assessed for ASD then you must have a lot on your plate already. Getting involved with a man with no experience of that who has young children himself is always going to be hard. My oldest was always a handful but didn’t get diagnosed until 8. I felt judged for years but at least not in my relationship (I am with her dad).

Good luck with it all. I’m sure you are doing a fantastic job.

I'd ignore the horrible comments on here, you get so much of this on MN people just love to be horrible.

Yes, I agree, but he will probably put himself before all the kids.

OP, it’s possible that he meant it jokingly, but if so he didn’t choose his moment well.

I’d be tempted to ask him how he got his sleep tonight - oh wait, they’re not with him.

It would seem a bit weird to ask him now, but in future, ask him to clarify what he means if you aren’t sure how it was intended, rather then jumping straight into defending yourself, with kindness, making excuses make you look insecure and can set a precedent for people like him to snidely belittle you and get away with it, if it was an innocuous lighthearted comment he won’t mind explaining what he meant, his response will speak volumes.

when he said about differing parent styles, I’d have said, that’s an interesting thing to say, what would you do in the same situation? Keep it lighthearted of course, but it’s really important you find out what type of parent he is if you think the relationship will develop, and answers to questions like those tell you a whole lot about what sort of parent (and person) he is and how he deals with potential conflict.

intentionally or not he’s made you feel inadequate.. and you shouldn’t be made to feel that way, so call him out on it.

He is a part time dad with a mum who does his parenting, he’s not in a position to judge.

got his to sleep tonight

Just end it with him. Him doing this comparison my kids vs your kid is unhealthy and will only get worse.

@bubbles1994 You say he's a hands on Dad but he sees his children 2 days a week, I don't understand statements like this. He sounds very much like my MIL who says things like "my kids all slept through from 6 weeks" and I feel like screaming, "well aren't you f**ng lucky then but mine doesn't alright." She also acts like she raised them all along when I know her Mother, MIL, brother and sisters all helped out. I wonder how much help your partner is getting living with his parents, I'm guessing a lot.

This.

And he's judging your parenting after just 2 weeks! If he's like this after 2 weeks, what will he be like after 2 years?

Bin him off.

He sounds like my ex. Gives amazing parenting advice for a man that seldom parents. I wouldn't have taken offence until he blamed your daughter not sleeping on different parenting styles. She's poorly, poorly kids don't sleep well. I would be pulling him up over it, in a jokey way maybe. Any more of it though and I'd be saying goodbye to him.