Would you punish this?

[JMSA]

Last night, I bought my 14 year old daughter a tub of luxury ice-cream. She had just eaten dinner when she started on the ice-cream, and had had a KFC with friends earlier in the day.
I asked her to keep half of the tub for the following day. She didn't, and ate it all in one sitting.
When I pulled her up this morning, for disregarding what I had said, I told her that I would no longer be buying her tubs of ice-cream.
Her reply was "fine, I'll buy it myself, or ask dad to buy it for me". Her dad and I are divorced and have obviously lived separately for years.

It's not the first time she has brought him into these sorts of arguments. I've had a gentle word with her afterwards, about how I find this hurtful and disrespectful, and that I'm only doing what I feel is best for her.
AIBU?

Sorry, my point in the last paragraph was that I've spoken to her about this before, but nothing changes and she continues to bring him up in our disagreements (with me being the unfavourable one, naturally ).

There would be no more treats from me until she learned a little respect I'm afraid.

What kind of punishment are you thinking of?!

I would just not buy the ice cream if you don't want her to eat it. What difference does it make if she eats the tub all at once or over two days?? She is 14.

She's been disrespectful but besides your own feelings, it's not a big deal. She can waste her own £5 every time she wants ice cream. If dad is willing to do the same, that's his problem.

You are not buying it. And stick to it.

Thank you. She's my youngest and raising her entails a daily dose of forgiveness and calm.
She can be an absolute fucking pain.
Honestly though, she just doesn't seem to care. Screaming at her isn't really me, but it would have no effect anyway.

Is there much difference between eating it over two days or one day ? She’s eaten it, so no nice snack/treat food today.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have made a battleground out of a 14yo's eating in the first place, and I would probably accept that a certain amount of "well, Dad lets me" is inevitable in a divorced set-up.

I also don't think it's punishable, just don't buy it anymore.

Sorry but you’re unreasonable. You’re weaponising food. If you felt she had enough to eat for the day, why give her a tub of ice cream at all? Why not potion some and put the rest away? As someone who has eating issues from childhood (either binge or starve), my family used to give me huge portions of treats then use it as an excuse to comment on my weight/eating habits. It’s no wonder she would say she’d get food from elsewhere when you’ve not put realistic boundaries in place then judge her for how much she’s consumed.

The ice cream wouldn’t be the hill I chose to die on. I don’t really see what she did wrong. A bit cheeky maybe but then she probably retaliated to being told off about ice cream.

I wouldn’t punish her for that, I’d just say ‘Fine, you do that’. It must be irritating having ‘I’ll ask Dad’ thrown at you though.

But if she wasn’t asking for another tub, I’m not sure I could be too bothered whether she ate it in one sitting or two.

Honestly, I am pretty lax in most regards
However the ice-cream is expensive and not exactly healthy. Even getting her to brush her teeth is an ongoing battle, so I'm just trying to do my best!

To me this would fall into pick your battles ground. Eating it all at once isn’t ideal but it’s not the end of the world.

you have said you won’t buy it again but you can’t control what she does or her father does

Asking a teenager to show any kind of restraint is a big ask! 😅

It is only an ice cream tub.
Some people cannot stop themselves. Might be not about her attitude towards you, but her liking the richer tastes and not having self-discipline. But do you honestly want to teach young girl about dieting at that age?!

I have some bits tucked hidden away for when I want them otherwise there would never be anything.

Teens and DH would eat it all and I don't want much - but when I want something I don't want to go shopping.

I wouldn't punish your DD per se but I would only keep nice bits for myself.

How big was the tub?
Honestly eating it over 1 or 2 days-really what's the difference?
Is it because she did it despite you telling her not to?
Just don't buy it. If she wants ice cream she can get it herself.

Thanks everyone!
I grew up in a family with an unhealthy attitude towards food and weight. My own mother was bulimic for years.
I've honestly tried so hard not to be the same

I think you need to be careful around exerting control over teenagers with regards to food. Especially as there was no real difference to whether she ate it all in one go or over two days. I bet she did it specifically because you tried to exert unnecessary control over it. I also wouldn’t be that bothered about the KFC as long as she normally has a balanced diet.

I wouldn’t punish it, I just wouldn’t buy anymore expensive ice cream and I wouldn’t mention it again. If she buys it that’s on her/her dad.

I don't understand why this is even a problem.

If she was meant to save half the ice cream for someone else - fair. If it was solely her ice cream - - it's weird and controlling to say when or in what portion size she should eat it. She isn't a toddler.

No, I wouldn't punish this. I probably wouldn't even notice.

(I also have a teenager who would eat things immediately rather than save them).

She spoke to you rudely, yes.

But I don’t think you should buy something just for her and dictate how she eats it - wouldn’t the attitude be “when it’s gone it’s gone”?

You can choose not to buy any more but I don’t understand why it’s a hill to die on personally

It's nothing to do with the ice cream, it's about her attitude and the fact that she completely ignored something you asked her to do, with a shitty attitude. I'd stick to your guns and not buy her any more, let her buy it herself or let her Dad buy it.

This.

The ice cream was apparently never intended to last more than 2 sittings anyway. Just don't buy it for her again.

Do you want her to start hiding what she eats from you? She will very soon be of an age where you have zero control over what she eats (tbh, shes pretty much already there), so I wouldn't make this into an issue.

Ok, thanks again everyone. It seems that I'm the unreasonable one, at least in terms of the ice-cream consumption!

If it’s expensive, just stop buying it. If she has money to buy it herself, so be it, but I bet half the time she wouldn’t bother. She can ask dad if she wants and you have to accept that it’s his decision to make. Don’t rise to the bait!