Would you punish this?

[JMSA]

Last night, I bought my 14 year old daughter a tub of luxury ice-cream. She had just eaten dinner when she started on the ice-cream, and had had a KFC with friends earlier in the day.
I asked her to keep half of the tub for the following day. She didn't, and ate it all in one sitting.
When I pulled her up this morning, for disregarding what I had said, I told her that I would no longer be buying her tubs of ice-cream.
Her reply was "fine, I'll buy it myself, or ask dad to buy it for me". Her dad and I are divorced and have obviously lived separately for years.

It's not the first time she has brought him into these sorts of arguments. I've had a gentle word with her afterwards, about how I find this hurtful and disrespectful, and that I'm only doing what I feel is best for her.
AIBU?

OP: "Honestly, I am pretty lax in most regards
However the ice-cream is expensive and not exactly healthy."

‘And not exactly healthy’.

‘Even getting her to brush her teeth is an ongoing battle’

’I grew up in a family with an unhealthy attitude towards food and weight. My own mother was bulimic for years.’

So again, cost really the red herring. OP has a complex with food and her control around it will likely lead her DD to develop the same. But she already knows that as many others have pointed it out.

I wouldn't punish her, but I wouldn't buy anymore ice cream. At least not tubs of icecream.

It's not that big of a deal. It was a tub of ice-cream. Whether she eats it in one day, or two, is hardly earth-shattering.
Just follow through on the no ice-cream thing. If she wants to spend her own money on it, fair enough, and what she does with dad is not your problem.

Are you being serious with this question. Obviously no one should be eating a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting. Surely we’re trying to teach our children healthy eating habits no? Everything in moderation is best

Most teens go through a stage of eating junk. A standard response is either not buying it any more or having a secret parents stash (which admittedly is hard with ice cream).

However, most teens will then buy it with their pocket money/Saturday job money/birthday money etc.

I worked in secondary schools for 20 years - believe me they all prefer junk.

If you keep on with the healthy eating message she'll get there.

Oh - and while ideally your teen should respect you and do what you say there are not a lot of adults that would stop eating a treat food because someone else told them to, I certainly would not stop eating ice cream just because told to (although I would if someone else wanted their share).

Also, teens do go through a stage of, erm how to put this, often deliberately doing the opposite of what they are told to do while slamming doors and shouting I hate you,

If all you are worrying about is she won't stop eating on your command you are doing quite well.

Very odd responses on this thread. Someone said op is reflecting her disordered habits on her daughter? Surely having a lax attitude to a 14 year old eating a large tub of ice cream is sowing seeds of disordered eating. Over consumption is just as bad as under consumption. 14 year olds still need guidance too

It’s not about the consumption, it’s about enforcing control and making food a battleground.

I would let her eat it. She might end up feeling a little bit sick afterwards, but I think gorging occasionally and feeling unwell or regretting eating a treat all at once are things most children experience on the way to eventually developing a healthy level of self-restraint.

I think over eating the wrong types of food is fairly typical at this age. I wouldn't worry too much. Mine used to say similar things re their dad and we aren't even divorced. The trick is not to make a big deal out of it as they then use it as a metaphorical stick to beat you with. Seem unconcerned but maybe don't buy ice cream again for a while.

This thread is really strange! Usually on here I find that, compared to my own approach, people infantilise and excessively protect their kids - yet here we have a mom being demonised by the majority of posters by trying to have input into her fourteen year old daughter's portion sizes.....

Do you guys honestly just buy food and allow your kids to eat it in any quantities and at any speed they want? You don't ever tell them they have had enough junk food on one particular day or whatever?

Bizarre. Especially those who reckon OP's attempt to stop her daughter consuming an entire large tub of ice-cream in on sitting, is evidence of her own disordered eating?

And who, believing this, also think that taunting her about it over the internet is the compassionate way to approach the issue.......

OP, if you haven't already I would stop reading this if I were you. Some of the comments are downright cruel, and loads of them are a bit unhinged......

It's normal for teenagers to push boundaries and bend the rules though.

I would also argue that having a tub of ice-cream in one evening as a one off is the very definition of "everything in moderation".

There's a difference between guidance and control.

Yes, you can say "I wouldn't eat that all at once" or, "once that's gone, it's gone until next week when I do the food shop" - but punishing a 14yo for deciding they want to eat all their ice-cream in one sitting instead of splitting it over two makes absolutely no sense

No. I would let her eat it all if she chose to.

You know I’m not sure why her eating the whole tub in one sitting was a problem if you were content for her to eat it over two? Like she just won’t have it tomorrow and don’t buy it in future or get it very rarely.

She’s 14, time to take ownership of her diet. If she wants to eat crap and feel like crap, her choice. I’d pick your battles and model what healthy looks like.

If this is not really about the ice cream and more about the divorce situation then that’s a whole different thing.

This. If she commented why haven't you bought me ice cream this week I'd simply say 'Oh I thought you said in future you'd get your dad to get it for you'. Play her at her own game and in future she'll think twice before dragging him into any future disputes with you.

Also surely it depends on the size of the ice cream tub. Some are quite small individual ones and others clearly family tubs.

My guess is 500ml

Hi OP,
I would mentally drop this whole toxic episode.

If your daughter struggles to have an off switch with nice food support her by buying her a one portion pot next time - it's not nice to "punish her" for struggling with something lots of people struggle with.

Her "attitude" is influenced by what went before. What is she going to say "thanks mum for food shaming me and treating me like a greedy child". Course she is going to be pissed off and lash out.

You can treat this perfectly kindly "let's just get a treat size tub as it's hard to stop with a bigger one".

Although if she doesn't have a weight problem and wants to over indulge now and then it's no biggie. If she makes herself feel ill/sick she will learn. Best to just foster a lifestyle where there aren't bug tubs/family packs of stuff just for her.

If you don't want her to play you and her dad off against each other then you need to be on the same page but rules about ice cream sound like she is about 5. Let it go.

Yes "help them" being the most important part.
So not buy them a big tub of ice cream and then shame them for eating it.

teaching your kids everything in moderation isn’t control…blimey

….or here’s a thought…teach them portion control?

teaching your kids everything in moderation isn’t control…blimey

It's a good thing that's not what I said then.

If she’s not brushing her teeth twice a day then I’d stop the sugary snacks. If she gets them at her dads not much you can do about that. I hate teenager attitudes and don’t allow my kids to be rude to me. Not without a lecture every single time, that started well before the teen years which was good as they knew by the time the hormones started raging that they couldn’t speak to me like shit. Wasn’t happening. I’m fairly lax on many things but speaking to a parent like shit is not on. I’d pick my battles though and the punishment for this is you stop buying nice food treats, especially knowing she’s not brushing her teeth properly

The luxury ice creams are around 500ml and the ones like Ben & Jerry’s can have around 1000 calories I’m sure - so it is a lot to eat in one sitting. I don’t think it’s controlling telling someone to eat less sugar when tooth brushing is an issue