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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you punish this?

131 replies

JMSA · 13/02/2024 12:15

Last night, I bought my 14 year old daughter a tub of luxury ice-cream. She had just eaten dinner when she started on the ice-cream, and had had a KFC with friends earlier in the day.
I asked her to keep half of the tub for the following day. She didn't, and ate it all in one sitting.
When I pulled her up this morning, for disregarding what I had said, I told her that I would no longer be buying her tubs of ice-cream.
Her reply was "fine, I'll buy it myself, or ask dad to buy it for me". Her dad and I are divorced and have obviously lived separately for years.

It's not the first time she has brought him into these sorts of arguments. I've had a gentle word with her afterwards, about how I find this hurtful and disrespectful, and that I'm only doing what I feel is best for her.
AIBU?

OP posts:

jannier · 14/02/2024 09:57

Winter2020 · 13/02/2024 20:01

Yes "help them" being the most important part.
So not buy them a big tub of ice cream and then shame them for eating it.

Show quote history

Definitely do not shame them but in life we are given access to large amounts of things and need to be guided in how to consume them. Christmas is a massive chocolate fest for many but we don't give free reign to pig it all before boxing day. Should we drink all that wine in one go because it's ours?
Someone needs to consider why she felt the need to eat what is designed commonly to be 4 portions ..assuming a B&J size tub...in one sitting

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 14/02/2024 10:02

I don’t have teenagers but I would be annoyed too OP, you have her a nice treat and asked her to do something and she blatantly did the opposite and couldn’t care less afterwards. And probably felt quite sick, imagine the sugar in a whole tub of icecream.

I have x2 girls, the eldest would prob do the same and doesn’t care about consequences, my youngest would just do as I asked and not think about rebelling against it. So different. The teenage years are going to give me nightmares!

FrangipaniBlue · 14/02/2024 12:54

Yes "help them" being the most important part. So not buy them a big tub of ice cream and then shame them for eating it.

Ah so we shouldn't buy out children ice cream and we teach them about healthy eating habits by simple osmosis now do we? No conversation to be had at all?

this thread is utterly bonkers, it must be half term 😂

cannaecookrisotto · 15/02/2024 09:55

Sirzy · 13/02/2024 12:24

To me this would fall into pick your battles ground. Eating it all at once isn’t ideal but it’s not the end of the world.

you have said you won’t buy it again but you can’t control what she does or her father does

I'm with you on this.

I couldn't get worked up about it, she just won't have ice cream the next day because she's scoffed it all at once.

If your biggest issue is her eating a full tub of ice cream rather than half, I'd say you're doing a good job. She's not out smoking, she ate ice cream.

cannaecookrisotto · 15/02/2024 10:06

FrangipaniBlue · 13/02/2024 15:05

I'm pretty surprised at the responses to this thread.

OPs daughter has no self control/self regulation when it comes to unhealthy treat food.

That's a recipe for disaster!

At best she will develop an unhealthy attitude to food and become mildly overweight... at worst she could end up with disordered eating (and yes, gluttony and overeating is just as disordered as undereating and severely restricting your diet). She could end up severely overweight and with all the other health issues that come with that.

As parents it's our job to help our children navigate these things and learn about a healthy level of self control.

No, we shouldn't be micro managing every single thing they eat nor telling them they can't have unhealthy treats but we also can't just let them have free reign to eat whatever they fancy!

A healthy attitude to food is understanding balance. It's understanding what is healthy vs unhealthy and the importance of consuming the unhealthy stuff in moderation.

How on earth can they ever learn that if we just say "crack on with that multi serve tub of ice cream" ?

Give over, I sometimes sit and eat a tub of ice cream, or a full bag of mini eggs, or half a cheesecake if the mood strikes 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm not overweight and exercise regularly, eating a tub of ice cream isn't going to condemn someone to a life of unregulated scoffing.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 10:14

I think it's really normal when you've made what feels like a power play with money, for a teen to power play back.

Focusing on her health and 'we can't have it in the house if we can't have healthy size
Portions' would be more appropriate than focusing on the cost and obedience

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