Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

Not in my size. Strap is exactly where I can’t have a seam/edge because of rubbing.

No. There. Aren’t.
I wear pretty much only DMs and Birkenstocks because a) no other non- bespoke company makes my size and b) no other shapes are comfortable anyway.

Workman’s boots? DMs? Madness.
They are a style brand.

I never wear heels and never feel any pressure to. But Doc Martens at a wedding… nooooo. Just get some flat formal shoes.

Do people really care this much about what other people wear to their weddings? Mine was only 6 months ago and I couldn't fucking tell you what anyone wore outside of the bridal party and our parents. I can't begin to think a guest, spending £££ and time attending our wedding was disrespectful by wearing something they were comfy in. Unless someone's titty or bollock is flapping around in the breeze, who fucking cares.

Think you had a name change fail OP.

I do think that wearing your DMs will depend on the wedding (and the guests). If the bride and groom won't bat and eyelid, then go for it! But if they are hoping that their guests attend in all their finery, then those big goth boots are going to draw attention to you, which IMO is quite disrespectful. I'm sure there's something you can find which fits your style and is appropriate.

What about something like this? Completely flat.

If OP likes DMs, Doc Martens make flat shoes. Much smarter and no doubt comfier than the fast fashion, near knee high faux motorbike boots she's chosen.

Those boots are a statement and if we're looking for comfort, I highly doubt that shoes from a site called "Fashiola" are going to be comfortable.

Doc Marten sell smart flat shoes. The shoes OP has chosen say "I'll wear what I want to your big day and I don't give a fuck what you think."

OP, ask the bride.

YANBU OP, wear what you're comfortable in. I rarely wear heels but my shoes are mostly cheap and cheerful so I can't advise on what's more comfortable than boots.

I've just bought these in Primark for a wedding. I would usually recoil at the heel but the platform heel was comfortable in store. May be a different story on the day.

https://www.primark.com/en-gb/p/cross-strap-block-heel-sandals-gold-991070558212

This.

7 pages into this thread, and I’m starting to think that these “nice flats” are like the mythical Mumsnet chicken, everyone is talking about how they exist but nobody has linked to any! There are couple of links to platforms / shoes with 3-inch blocky heels, and one link to a pair of sandals, but none of these are FLAT SHOES 😂

Workman’s boots? DMs? Madness.
They are a style brand.

They are not appropriate for most weddings. Lots of shoes are a "style" brand and aren't appropriate for a wedding, for work etc.

Having seen the OP's image of her chosen boots I take back "workman's boot". They're more like motorbike boots. Not appropriate.

Similar. Most adult shoes start the size above mine. Even when they say they start at my size, they rarely stock them, and when you look at the Eurpoean size, it's generally half a size bigger that they're using.

I once bought some nice flat shoes for a wedding from Monsoon to go with a dress I bought from there. I had to downsize because the shoes were too big and I eventually ended up buying from the children's dept (where they had children's versions of the adult shoe). Half a size smaller than the shoes i bought had elastic over the top that were designed to keep them on while I was running around and playing! 😅

Literally any ballet flats, Mary janes, loafers. Why do they need to be "nice" anyway if cheap plastic combat boots is what they're up against?

Not in size 10…which I appreciate isn’t the OP’s issue, but it isn’t great to know my only shoe options (apart from hand mates whose prices make DM’s prices look like Primark’s) make people think I’m rude, attention seeking and not making an effort.
And please don’t link me to companies doing ‘size 10’ I can assure you they are nothing of the sort. (Though actually I’ve just discovered ASOS’s own size 11s are just about a 10 - not totally comfy, but n option for some occasions).

Literally any ballet flats, Mary janes, loafers. Why do they need to be "nice" anyway if cheap plastic combat boots is what they're up against?

Precisely. "Nice" is already out the window. Try for "appropriate" and "respectful"

That would be a far more stylish look than some of the monstrosities of shoes posted on here!

I'm wearing dms to my own wedding!

I get that however a size 10 for women is highly unusual. I am sorry that you have your issue but it is unique
Whatever your size DM are not appropriate for a wedding

Shoes are neither respectful nor disrespectful. They are shoes. Anyone who is actually offended by the footwear of an individual guest at their wedding (unless it's shoes with rude slogans on) is either not sufficiently absorbed by the excitement of their day or needs to give their head a wobble.

So do you suggest I go barefoot then?
I don’t get ‘not suitable’. They are clean. Well made. Expensive even. Not obscene. What’s the lack of suitability for any occasion?

If everyone there will be traditionally dressed then your DMs will be a statement. If its one you're happy to make, then fine. If you're a person who prefers to blend in then you'd do better wearing flat shoes. There's so many to choose from that are comfy and dressy you won't struggle.

None of those shapes are wearable for me. Blisters within seconds. I can’t have an ‘edge’ at the top of my toe line/across the ball of my foot.
Edit: nit even DM Mary Jane’s or loafers.

What about something like this?

Loro - Black & Gold Gloss – Embassy London

Of course clothing can be respectful or disrespectful. It's part of the fabric of society. There is a reason you wouldn't wear certain attire to weddings, funerals, christenings, even to your place of work.

Just look at the frothing whenever there's a thread on MN about people getting their messages in in their pyjamas.

Yes your choice of clothing or footwear can be disrespectful. It's utter nonsense to suggest this isn't the case.

No i am not - but am sure there are a few option
Quick google for me - found these available in a US size 12 which is a UK size 10
Journee Collection Nysha Flat - Free Shipping | DSW - suitable for a dressy event
DMs are not appropriate for a wedding full stop for both women and men. Regardless if they are clean etc . Regardless of weather you like it or not.

exactly well said,