Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

The people who invited you to their wedding did so because they love you, or at least like you a lot. Why wouldn’t they want their guests to be happy and comfortable? A wedding invitation is not an order to get trussed up like a turkey. It’s a reason to celebrate- to eat and drink and laugh and dance - and that’s all best done in clothing and footwear that is comfortable and makes you feel good. If you feel great in a Herve Leger bandage dress and a pair of Manolo Blahniks (sp?) then go for it. If you feel great in a pair of DMs and a flowing golden skirt - also fine.

I linked the sandals to somebody asking about comfortable footwear for their summer holidays. I wear DMs and trainers. Completely flat shoes really aren't that comfortable to wear all day as they have no arch support. For a wedding, I'd wouldn't wear DMs or flats. There are lots of options.

Such as…???

Im still not seeing any actual options being suggested 😉

I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone came to my wedding in DM boots, there are loads of really cool flat shoes around

Personally I love the boots!
I got married in the 90's and really wanted to wear my DM's but my mother talked me out of it and i ended up in dainty white heels :( I really really wish I'd stuck to my guns and wore my DM's.

Wear the DM's @EarthyMangold Nobody (except the minority of judgemental types on MN and my mother ) will care.

I used to but not anymore
Size 8 in my 20s, nice clothes, heels and all of that for a culture where in order to be in an office job, you had to be nice.

since came in England I realised that men are most crazy about me when I am size 14

I have a pair of sequined Kate Spade trainers specifically for events like this. I love them- in Rose Gold.

For my dd's prom, lots of the girls wore DMs with their gowns. Not a wedding but it is the way forward.

Just check with the bride and groom.

If they’re reasonable, nice people and not completely batshit and shallow they won’t have a problem with you wearing Doc Martens. I wouldn’t give a toss what shoes people wore to my wedding.

But this is Mumsnet, you’re going to get hundreds of Pearl clutching whiners that think anything that is fashion-alternative is ghastly.

I really miss wearing heels but I can't now since I broke my hip. They always hurt like a bastard though, so I preferred chunkier ones or platforms.
No reason why you should wear them if you don't want to or feel uncomfortable. They fuck up your feet anyway.

I don't think anyone really cares or notices what footwear other guests wear to a wedding. If I did notice, I would assume you were going for 'quirky ' a la Scarlett from 4 weddings.

I'm astounded how many people apparently care so much about what others wear. Even at my own wedding, clean and tidyish is fine afaic.

I was at three weddings recently and honestly could not tell you what footwear guests wore by one person who had the same shoes as I did. She noticed we had the same, I didn't.

Personally I wouldn't wear dm with a pretty dress but I am not the kind of person who can carry that look off.

I find next online is a good place to look for flats for weddings etc.

Of course clothing can be respectful or disrespectful. It's part of the fabric of society. There is a reason you wouldn't wear certain attire to weddings, funerals, christenings, even to your place of work.

The fabric of society generally tends to be a little bit less uptight about details like shoes these days. The lines between formal and informal wear are blurring, and there is a tendency to dress more casually and comfortably than before, both at social events and at work in many sectors.

I said shoes weren't disrespectful, I didn't say there are no situations where it could be disrespectful to wear certain things. A bikini at the office? A brightly-coloured t-shirt with a humorous slogan at a funeral? Definitely inappropriate. Insufficiently elegant footwear at a wedding? Nope. You might not like it aesthetically, but I can't see how it's disrespectful.

Have a look here

https://www.prettyballerinas.co.uk/271-sale?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAw6yuBhDrARIsACf94RU5VHjBnIXhWbLXQ1Kep_QxHvYp6FvtZmohCIxacnH_EXLhL_DXcdoaAnVDEALw_wcB

I know I have said this before, but I just don’t get some of the weird ‘rules’ around what you ‘can’ and more often ‘can’t’ wear to weddings. Wear WTF you like, it’s 2024. DMs are fine if you want op. Or anything else frankly. Presumably the B&G want you there, want you to enjoy yourself, and frankly should not have time to notice or care what you have on your feet!

Doc Martens for a wedding are a no. Might as well wear jeans. There are a million and one other options that aren’t heels that won’t make you look like a scruff.

DMs will be fine - no sensible bride would judge you negatively!
I don't wear heels, never have, never will. There are all sorts of interesting - and comfortable! - shoes out there. Developing your own style makes you confident.

How do Docs make someone look like a scruff?

Really good point.

You obviously are known by the couple for a certain look OP (ie. wearing DMs) so why go all drastic and change it for one day (spruce yourself up yes, but to go from flats to heels is alot). They will expect you to go as you.

I got married in a full wedding dress and DMs, they looked awesome! I wore DMs to my mums funeral and I'll be wearing them to my dad's next week. If it works for you as a style, knock yourself out!

If I were to show up your wedding in jeans and a hoodie because anything else is outside my comfort zone, would you be ok with that?

Personally I think OP should be looking for either more 'elegant' boots (not sure how to describe it - no I don't mean with a heel!) or shoes like the DM ones linked above.

The only options are not the clunkiest black boots ever or high heels.

The options are a bit odd, my vote is: heels are definitely not mandatory but I wouldn’t see dc martens as appropriate either.
Weddings are only of the few occasions where trainers/boots etc are not to be worn (exception for a particularly casual wedding ofc)

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.

There are lots of nice shoes that don't have high heels.

One of the newest styles for summer is a pointed toe, sling back with a small heel (2cms.) It's a throw back to the 60s when they were in fashion then.

Similar are Mary Janes, some with an ankle strap or a T-bar style.

If you think Doc Ms look good with your dress, fair enough.

Others may think differently, but do you care?

https://www.drmartens.com/uk/en_gb/1460-mono-smooth-leather-lace-up-boots-black/p/12761001

Like these better than the ones OP posted. Ballet flats are awful. Often look uncomfortable, unsupportive, bent out of shape and not appropriate in February.