Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

I obviously have less judgmental friends than you. They like me would invite the person and not be upset by the attire. Inclusive, welcoming, kind.

I would say the people who spend their time concerned with how others dress have the poor attitude. But then we all have different moral standards.

There's DMs and DMs though. If gashed to shit, I wouldn't wear them to a wedding. But if they are in good condition (or even better, the pretty ones), then I don't see why not.

I wouldn't care if this was my wedding. Probably wouldn't notice.

I think you should wear the DMs, but make sure the dress is the complete opposite of casual. I hate the way wedding guests turn up looking nothing like themselves, but as if they're in seem sort of wedding guest fancy dress costume.

There are loads of wedding appropriate DMs that look a lot better than heels. This is just an example of their summer range, but they also have loafers and Mary Jane’s in lovely colours so why not treat yourself 😁

https://www.drmartens.com/uk/en_gb/ramsey-suede-kiltie-buckle-creepers-fondant-pink/p/31501446

In contrast, although I am a staunch advocate for DMs with dresses, I HATE Chelsea boots with dresses. They are too big round my ankles, flap about and make me look short and dumpy! (I am short, but a size 6). I don't like any of those looks, although I did have that blue dress in the middle picture at one point (Fatface, from about 8 years ago!).

@Maybebabble

I obviously have less judgmental friends than you. They like me would invite the person and not be upset by the attire. Inclusive, welcoming, kind.

I would say the people who spend their time concerned with how others dress have the poor attitude. But then we all have different moral standards.

My friends and I wouldn't turn up to someone's wedding in the boots that OP has posted. Neither would we turn up in jeans and a tshirt or a pair of crocs.

Our moral standards are that we don't just think about ourselves and to hell with everyone else.

If the OP asks and it's fine then there isn't a problem. If she just shows up wearing them because she wants to, that's selfish.

Wear what you like, if you aren't the bride I don't suppose anyone will be bothered. Even if they are I can't imagine anyone being so rude that they'd comment. I've never worn DMs but sounds like they are comfortable.

I'm sure I heard about a bride who wore white DMs but I can't think if it was a friend/colleagues DD or a celebrity.

Sorry OP but they are awful- especially for a wedding

I can’t imagine giving a shit about what other people are wearing to a wedding. I certainly didn’t care at my own. Wear what you feel comfortable in.

I understood your point the first time, thanks.

You think it’s selfish to not conform. I think it’s selfish to dictate conformity.

We have different values. Yours are no more valid than mine.

How many people here can actually remember what guests wore to their wedding? I know what I wore and what my H wore. Beyond that, I would have to go and look at photos. And the ones of my guests are mostly large groups or head shots. No idea what any of them had on their feet!

@EarthyMangold It depends on the dress, but I would go with the DM boots. It sounds like you're going to be dressed smartly which is entirely appropriate attire for a wedding. Wear the shoes you want and are comfortable in.

It's weird the pressure we feel to attend weddings and other occasions not really as ourselves.

Wear the boots.

@Maybebabble

You think it’s selfish to not conform. I think it’s selfish to dictate conformity.

What a woeful misrepresentation of what I'm saying. Obviously you didn't understand the first time.

I'll say it again.

The OP doesn't have to conform. If the bride is happy with it she can crack on. She can also wear these shoes any other time she wants. No one gives a shit.

But in life you have to give and take with other people beyond the teenage attitude of "I'll do what I want when I want."

There are some times in life when these shoes are not appropriate. Weddings and christenings would be an example. Many workplaces also would not accept these shoes.

I worked with a teacher who was spoken to because she kept coming to the classroom with very high heels studded with spikes. Not appropriate.

Adults who aren't selfish will navigate the world and it's social norms because they have progressed beyond adolescence.

The OP could ask the bride. Maybe she can wear them, maybe it's important to the bride that she picks something more appropriate to her wedding. That is not about dictating conformity, it's about respecting other people, just giving one tiny shit about another person and a special day in their life.

I wouldnt invite people to my wedding and expect them to conform to the Insta pic style if that's totally out of their comfort zone.

i have lots of friends that have colourful hair, tattoos and live in DM's. I wouldn't expect them to ditch the fun hair and wear a flowery dress and heels! I'd want them to be comfortable and enjoy the day as much as everybody else. Quirky is cool

I adore my DMs but they are not a wedding party attire.
Ps I am a massive flat shoe fan here but your choice is inappropriate, you might as well wear jeans.

@Doublenoogahsilvousplait
Good grief. Will you please stop lecturing me.
I disagree with you, and you me. That’s all.

You can move on now 😂

If someone posts something to me on an online forum I'll respond if I feel like it. That's how it works.

DMs are great but not really appropriate for a wedding IMO.

It's the equivalent of a man saying "but I'm more comfortable in jeans". It's not fine, it's a wedding. It is about dressing respectfully. It doesn't matter that the boots are fucking horrible. It matters that they're not in any way wedding appropriate.

and will crave the last word regardless of its value!

Ha. Pot, meet kettle.

@Maybebabble

If you want to end an interaction with someone you only need to stop talking to them. I'm not telling you to "move on". If someone talks directly to me here I'll choose whether or not to respond.

You can stop talking to me if you want to.

You spoke to soon 😂

It sounds nice for a night out. Depends if your friend would care about what shoes you are wearing. I found that having a baby/ toddler to chase around was a good reason not to wear my special heels at weddings and I never went back. I did get a nice not doc like pair of almost knee high leather boots for fancy clothes, flat heel.