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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who shorten your name.

155 replies

Tetsuo · 12/02/2024 01:19

I have a name that wasn't unheard of in the 70s, it wasn't popular but it wasn't a complete rarity.

A shortened version of my name became Very Fucking Popular in the 00's but was used before then.

I have never been known as the shortened version of my name, I do not introduce myself as the shortened version of my name. The only people who have ever presumed to use a shortened version of my name are men both professionally and personally who are introduced to me, and then, for some reason, chose to call me by the shortened version of my name.

I obviously correct anyone who does this.

And I have taken to calling anyone who does by a shortened version of their name. No matter how stupid it sounds.

I was going to finish my post with a; 'But why do they do it?'.

I know why they do it.

They need to stop it though.

It's very annoying.

OP posts:
Allinadayswork80 · 12/02/2024 08:15

I don’t mind and kinda like it when people shorten my name, to me it indicates familiarity and friendliness. But it depends on who, the context and reason behind it. I personally think some (usually men) do it as almost a condescending activity, these are often misogynistic men that feel they have a right to talk down to women.

I agree that I wouldn’t dream of doing it to someone straight off the bat or if someone hasn’t already indicated that they are happy or prefer the shortening.

I have worked with two Carolines in the past who have had their names shortened to Caz or Caro and absolutely hated it. I think it’s incredibly rude to continue when someone has said they prefer their full name.

Sassenach85 · 12/02/2024 08:16

I know someone who calls everyone by their first initial. I can’t tell if I’m irrational by being annoyed by this or if I have ego issues 😂

JustWonderingIfImNormal · 12/02/2024 08:19

People always shorten my name. I went on a short term work placement and the person I introduced myself to said to me ‘oh no I’m not calling your that, far too formal, so I will call you shortened version of my name’. So bloody rude!

mydogisthebest · 12/02/2024 08:24

I think it is very rude to just shorten someone's name unless they have said they want you to.

Why is it so difficult for some people to call others by their correct name? Like it's too difficult to say a name with 6 letters in so I have to shorten it to 3?

Mind you lots of people lengthen short names. My mum gave me a 3 letter name because she didn't want a name that could be shortened and throughout my life quite a few people have lengthened it!

DottyPencil · 12/02/2024 08:28

My boss actually lengthens a colleague's name to infantilize it. Nice plain name but adds an ee on the end.

LlynTegid · 12/02/2024 08:31

Having to correct people who make a mistake is fine, but should only be necessary once.

TeabySea · 12/02/2024 08:36

I agree that its rude.

If someone tells you what their name is use the bloody name they've told you. It's not difficult.

Some people go by shortened versions of their name, but if they haven't mentioned that they go by the shorter version, I would never assume they did.

Allinadayswork80 · 12/02/2024 08:42

In contrast my aunt (who my family no longer see other than formal family occasions) was an absolute snob. She married my uncle (mum’s brother) who everyone called Dave - my grandparents, mum, friends. She thought it was “so common” to shorten names and always insisted on calling him David, along with using mine, my brother’s and my mum’s full names that we all historically shortened (think Nikki instead of Nicola etc.) but the worst of it was that she lengthened my dad’s name to a name that wasn’t actually his name! Eg. ‘Terence’ instead of Terry! He hated it 😂

bottomsup12 · 12/02/2024 08:48

Yeah it is over familiar and if you don't know someone THAT well it feels a bit manipulative .... like they're trying to befriend you before they even know you.
And why would anyone want to keenly befriend you when they don't even know what kind of person you are? It happens usually professionally and it seems manipulative like they're doing it to curry favours or deference.
Then that kind of makes me think it's a power trip and they're being a bit too dominant in leading a relationship a way which I never expressed a desire for...

Slanabhaile · 12/02/2024 08:48

Deepmore · 12/02/2024 02:01

Maybe form a support group?

This tells me everything I need to know about you... and it's not good.

Pigeonqueen · 12/02/2024 08:49

People should call people by the name they introduce themselves as. That’s it.

My narcissistic Mum always used to use the long version of my dhs name and it came across so passive aggressive. She was the only person to do this and everyone else calls him the short version and this is how he introduced himself to her. It always sounded like a parent telling me off when she used the long version. I’m sure she did it to annoy him.

Slanabhaile · 12/02/2024 08:52

Sassenach85 · 12/02/2024 08:16

I know someone who calls everyone by their first initial. I can’t tell if I’m irrational by being annoyed by this or if I have ego issues 😂

As someone with an Irish name that starts with one initial, but sounds like it starts with a completely different one I'd be intrigued as to what he'd call me 🤔
Both would be wrong, neither are my name.

Original poster
Tetsuo · 12/02/2024 08:55

Pigeonqueen · 12/02/2024 08:49

People should call people by the name they introduce themselves as. That’s it.

My narcissistic Mum always used to use the long version of my dhs name and it came across so passive aggressive. She was the only person to do this and everyone else calls him the short version and this is how he introduced himself to her. It always sounded like a parent telling me off when she used the long version. I’m sure she did it to annoy him.

Absolutely.

People do use names as weaponry.

It's always about them though, rather than the barer of the name.

It's just arrogance to call a person by a name that they have either asked you not to, or never said you could.

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 12/02/2024 08:55

Abi is much nicer than Abigail

People shorten names to create bonds and familiarity. It's a way of creating inner and outer stages and humans have done it forever. I couldn't be bothered to be upset about it

RebelMoon · 12/02/2024 09:03

Happens to me quite often and you're right, it's usually men that do it.

There are three commonly used shortened versions of my name. I've always been known by one of them and that's how I introduce myself but I often get called one of the other versions. Sometimes it irritates me, depends on the scenario.

People spelling my name incorrectly REALLY irritates me though.

Original poster
Tetsuo · 12/02/2024 09:04

littlemousebigcheese · 12/02/2024 08:55

Abi is much nicer than Abigail

People shorten names to create bonds and familiarity. It's a way of creating inner and outer stages and humans have done it forever. I couldn't be bothered to be upset about it

That's entirely subjective.

I dont agree, and it's my name, so I'm allowed to!

I also just Googled 'Inner and outer stages', in case it was therapy talk I was not au courant of, and it brought up n'owt but the geography of theatres.

So I can say, with some degree of certainty, that you are talking absolute bollox.

OP posts:
Moonlaserbearwolf · 12/02/2024 09:04

Every Abigail I have ever met (I can think of 5 immediately) has shortened their name to Abi.

But it’s definitely over familiar and annoying for people to assume! I have a relatively uncommon (but a bit more popular in the 80s) name with several possible shortenings. Some people shorten my name to the more common shortening - which I’ve never liked. I just ignore it and always try to emphasise my full name in their presence. The older I get, the less it bothers me.

Flightsoffancy · 12/02/2024 09:05

I had a colleague who insisted on shortening my name, which is not commonly shortened, because she thought it was more 'friendly'. I think it is incredibly controlling to decide what you are going to call someone, against their wishes. I had a controlling ex, who insisted on calling me 'Bu' as an unwanted 'pet name' and it was so diminishing. That's probably why my colleague pissed me off so much. Anyway, I had to ask her directly to stop, in the end, and she was annoyed! Called me my actual name very slowly and deliberately for a while, which was also irritating, but not as much as being renamed.
People are always lengthening my daughter's beautiful name, to the diminutive (if a diminutive can be longer?) - think Kate to Katie - but I think that's more carelessness/assumption than deliberate, like my colleague.

BigButtons · 12/02/2024 09:06

People nearly always shorten my name. I like it. I don’t dislike my name- but the shortening implies closeness and familiarity which I like.

JennyBeanR · 12/02/2024 09:09

YABU. Ask them not to call you the shortened name and if they persist, they are then being rude.
People shorten my name all the time, and family have done it since I was a child. I honestly can't fathom caring.

Original poster
Tetsuo · 12/02/2024 09:10

'Every Abigail I have ever met (I can think of 5 immediately) has shortened their name to Abi'.

That's an utterly pointless comparison.

Because;

You haven't met this one.

Anecdata is meaningless (see point one).

Why would you even reference that?

'Every David I have ever met prefers to be called Dave'.

Brilliant.

It's not extrapolatable.

OP posts:
Moonlaserbearwolf · 12/02/2024 09:12

@Tetsuo you clearly didn’t bother to read the rest of my post! I was being sympathetic to you!!

Original poster
Tetsuo · 12/02/2024 09:14

Moonlaserbearwolf · 12/02/2024 09:12

@Tetsuo you clearly didn’t bother to read the rest of my post! I was being sympathetic to you!!

I did, sorry @Moonlaserbearwolf, I was just being a dick.

(Cool name btw).

OP posts:
Moonlaserbearwolf · 12/02/2024 09:16

That’s ok!
I know a few men who lengthen names too. Jane becomes Janie. I think it’s supposed to be affectionate…

EddieHoweBlackandWhiteArmy · 12/02/2024 09:16

I find this very annoying.

i have a single syllable name. Deliberately chosen by my parents so no one could shorten it. It’s not top 50, may not be top 100, but there is a very famous singer with this name so it’s not unheard of either. Also it’s not hard to pronounce or understand.
There has been one or two occasions where I introduce myself and people immediately shorten it- but it doesn’t have any natural diminutives so it just sounds like a toddler who can’t pronounce words properly yet. I always correct these people.
My name is what I tell you it is, not what you fancy calling me.