To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I had my first at 26, im now 39 (40 this year) and pregnant with my third.
i don’t feel embarrassed, even with a 14 year age gap between my eldest and youngest.
i don’t think this is an issue, and I don’t think you should be embarrassed. Enjoy your kids!!

I'm almost 52 with a 7 year old. It's great, even though I'm now disabled, we have the best relationship ever.

I remember reading some research that there is a link between longevity and being able to successfully carry a child to term when you are above 40...

(By the way I don't think the opposite is true, ie if you had a miscarriage or fertility issues in your 40s your life expectancy is lower. At least i havent read anything to say that).

In child bearing terms there is a big difference between early thirties and early forties maybe but when it comes to the other end, ie losing a parent does it make such a big difference if you had 40 or 50 years with your parents? I mean is it a terrible shock and tragedy to lose your parent when you are 40 but not when you are 50?

I think turning 50 is a shock and this is what you are fixating on. I really don't think anyone else bats an eyelid but I have been 50 for about 4 months and have made quite a few changes since, mainly quite silly and immature ones which have been great fun.

@Jojofjo44 yes, me too!! Loved having my second at 45!! First was at 40. Having kids is hard at any age but at 40 you’re usually more stable financially and emotionally with a longer standing relationship maybe. These are all things that are good for happy families.

I had mine at 41 and am a single parent. I have put on loads of weight and that’s what is letting me down - but I’ve overhauled my diet and determined not to be unfit at 51!

OMG it sounds like she lavishes you with love and has no concept of your age. Please don’t waste a further second polluting the here and now with these thoughts In a few years she might call you an old bag and hate you but if she’s going to be like that she’d call you an old bag even if you were only 30! I had my DD just shy of 41 and she’s a teenager now. She’s never called me an old bag BTW but that’s because we get on alright 😂Concentrate on who you are and what you do. My Mum used to bang on about whether my friends thought she was old - she had me when she was 38 - it annoyed the hell out of me. Her annoying me had absolutely nothing to do with her age just her bringing it up all the time! Wheesht!!

Don’t worry, people are having kids older and older these days. There’s no reason why you can’t expect to have another good 30+ years with her to see her grow up and start a family of her own. Just enjoy your time with her and keep doing what you are doing. All the best

My father had my sister when he was 42. He outlived her by 6 years. My Aunt has recently turned 94 and has outlived two of her children. I don’t understand why you’re thinking this way. What’s the solution? Give your child to a younger woman? I had my youngest at 39. It’s never been an issue. DD 19’s best friend’s Dad is 75. Again, not an issue.

I’m in the same boat as you, so I completely understand your feelings.

I do my best not to dwell on it, and luckily I’ve got a much younger outlook on things (if not I try my best too).

I know someone whose DCs think she is 10 years younger than her real age.

Personally, I think it’s a ridiculous betrayal, and they’ll find out one day.

I'm 57 with a 15 year old. I couldn't care less. That's just the way my life went. I don't feel, look or act 'old'. She's never been bothered about my age.

It's super common, however, yes you are an older mum, it's not a dig it's just factual. There isn't a right age, she's happy and healthy what else matters

My Mum was 100 when she died. I was the youngest of 3 daughters and my mum was in her 40's when I was born. Now I am the only one left but I can't complain because I am 83.
You may live to be a very old woman and just be as good a Mum as you can and your daughter will probably never think about her age in comparison to yours.
There is no need for her to miss out on anything, and hopefully keeping active with her will help to keep you young. Age is just a number.

Mick Jagger is 80 and has a 6 year old child

How old is your teen?

I'm 52 with an 8 year old. Enjoy her, and don't brood about her losing you, that can happen at any age.

Bloody heck I read the title and got the wrong end of stick.

im 59 with 10 year old. Its fine but I know I look older than her friends mums of course. Not by much though. Many are late 40s and early 50s.

If you hadn't had her at the age you did, you would have had a different child - different egg/sperm so this is the only time you would have had this daughter.
And perhaps the relationship you have now is because of the person you are now. This is when this is happening, you could have had a child earlier but everything would have been different, it's not this minus 10 years.
And remember, there's a difference between biological and chronological age. You're obviously a young 50 so embrace it. You're having a turning 50 wobble - totally understandable but your daughter is clearly absolutely loving life. Well done you xxxx
P.s. I had my first child at 42 so I'm going to read this back to myself in years to come!

I was 50 with a ten year old. And was I embarrassed? No. I was very happy that my fifth pregnancy succeeded and became my second child.

Not once has my DS made any comment about my age.

You’re worrying about nothing .

I am 57 and my DS is 12 (I have 2 young adult daughters too). I’m so proud everyday that I had him. You should not feel embarrassed.

I'm surprised it makes you feel old. When I was 50 my eldest was nearly 30 and that made me feel old. I look at women my age with school age children now and think they're lucky, as that part of my life is long past and I'm a grandmother to children near to their children's age; which reads to me as 'old lady' territory. I think tbh it's just something about hitting 50 that can make us feel old whatever we're doing with our lives. But women like you cheer me up by proving its not!

Op this isn't a big deal when she is 30 you will be 70 that's normal to me my dad is around 67

Don’t do that to yourself, OP. I’m nearly 52 and my daughter is 9 - a wonderful surprise baby who keeps me young and gives me purpose. My daughter thinks I am beautiful, young and wise… who am I to disillusion her?! She’s proud that I’m older as obviously being older is a status thing amongst little kids 😂 Also, the other mums know I’m older but they also know I’m the most fun/ have the best stories, and they treat me exactly the same as the 30 and 40 year olds. Be proud and be thankful - we are so bloody lucky to have little ones at our age ❤️

This is a lovely uplifting post

My husband is 58 and our son is 11. I am a lot younger than my husband so it's just the way it worked out.

I don't think it's unusual now for parents to be older than they used to be.

My mum and Nan had their first children around 18/19, which was very common at the time. I was heading to uni at 18 with no thoughts of children!
I was 27 when my son was born, so although not old, certainly older than my mum/Nan were.