To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I turned 49 recently. I have a 7 year old miracle. The first blood relative ive had a relationship with. The day he was born is seared into my memory. Life is fleeting OP. But nobody knows how long they’re here. I lost my sh!t the other day…49, rate bleeding disorder, anemia….and a 7 year old that was running way too far ahead of me up a hill. I later explained that there’s simply nothing worse that could happen than him being hurt or sick. I keep complaining about my weight and people say “you look great!” Im 14 stone and 169cm. Sure looking good is great but i just want to be healthy!! My birthmother died 7 years ago at age 56. She looked very old- due to complications of diabetes. Enjoy every day.
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No need to worry about it or be embarrassed, it’s quite common these days. 50 is not old by any means, it’s the new 40! I had ds at 42. I’m now 63 and he is 20. No embarrassment whatsoever. We go on holiday together and his friends think I’m really cool apparently. Just tell yourself you’re 40 and believe it, that might help x

I had my first DD at 41 and second DD at 42. Like you I didn’t plan to be an ‘older’ mother … I just didn’t meet their Dad until I was 38. They’re 15 & 13 now and I cannot say they’ve ever really cared about my age … if they have they haven’t made a big deal out of it.

Enjoy her and your luckiness

Stop beating yourself up. You have a wonderful relationship with your daughter, you could be in your 20's, 30"s and not be the wonderful mother you obviously are. Age is irrelevant. You both sound as if you are so close, so enjoy it...

God alive you do rattle on don’t you, who cares how old you are!! No one knows when their life is going to end, (unless your ending it yourself of course) so crack on & enjoy what you have whilst you have it; because tomorrow you might get hit by a bus life is for living for the here & now 😊

Ah don’t worry about it. According to my midwife, you’d be a spring chicken as women are having babies into their early fifties in my borough.

If it makes you feel better I’ll be 50 in 4 years and will have a 7 year old ! I was 42 when I had my second one after an 18 year gap! Oldest turns 22 tomorrow and I feel old tonight after pulling a muscle getting up off the floor after putting little one to bed 😂😂

I was going to say your post sounds unhinged, but maybe the fact you live out of London explains it. To me this is normal.

My mum was 40 when she had me, I didn't think I ever thought about it while I was growing up. Thinking back, yes my friend's parents were younger than mine but it never occurred to me at the time. I'm now in my 60s and still don't think it's odd or noteworthy.

My mum had me when she was 40, I really didn't notice she was an 'older' mum till she was elderly and needed supports sooner than my friends parents.

I think you might be overthinking it, i'm sure she doesn't care about your age now and she'd have to be a pretty irrational teenager to blame you for being in your 50s.

Generally no one cares about how old an adult is, if you ask someone to guess your age, they will take at least 5, if not 10 years off, to your face at least.

Lots of women are having their children later in life. I had my first child at 38 and my second at 40 due to the fact that I didn't meet my husband to be till later in life.

You might just benefit from some counselling.

I had my eldest at 30, my middle child at 36, and my youngest at 41. All conceived naturally.

Kids don't judge you by appearance. Nor do their friends. They judge you by how you behave and the rules and values in your home.

My kids' friends have all loved coming over for weekend sleepovers, and homework clubs. They get listened to.

With each of my children, most of the other parents I've got to know, get younger. But hey, they all want to leave their child with a parent who values homework and is safe for sleepovers.

You might just be peri-menopausal and just going through a difficult time. Hormones! But just remember your daughter might just be entering a really difficult time called hormones! I sincerely hope you have a long-suffering husband. Just we're all different and offer different things at different stages in life.

I respect the parents with a lot of energy, who get involved. The parents who are just so lovely. The parents who understand the importance of education. The parents who support their kids no matter what. The parents you can have a chuckle with at parents' evening or when a school performance goes horribly wrong.

And congratulate yourself. You're preparing your child for a world where we're all different - and yet need to find the best in each other.

I'm pretty sure no mother I've ever known and leaned over to her child and said proudly - "But hey I was the most gorgeous mum in the playground"

I don’t think your situation is that unusual. I haven’t read all the posts but the fact that you seem to have had a sudden crisis of confidence sounds like it could be a hormonal change? You are not ancient to have a 9 year old and your age does not stop you being a great mother. Also fwiw all kids are embarrassed by their parents at times. You could be Beyoncé and still not cool as far as they are concerned.

As an older first time mum.... I asked my dad this question... in 1946, he was the 1st born child to a 41 year old mum.... he said that to him, she was just mum and he never noticed that she was older than the other mums... and thisxwas at a time when more women had their kids in their early to mid 20s and often were grandmothers by 41.... so no he wasn't embarrassed
No more than will your child...
You are mum and amazing as far as they're concerned and will undoubtedly be uncool in their timecas all parents become for a time when kids are in their teens...
Just hold your head up and keep being amazing 👊

I’m turning 56 this month and my youngest is…12. Yes, he was a surprise. But he’s gorgeous and I am proud to be his mum. Just enjoy your lovely child and be grateful for every day xx

Modern mums are not old! 50 is the new 40. Age only a number. Your daughter doesn’t care how old you are and you obviously look younger than 50. I’d just keep it as a smug secret

I agree 50 is not old. But age is certainly not just a number.

Don't worry , 50 Is the new 40, lol. a few of my friends had children around 40 and they seem happy enough none have complained or worried about being age they were with a young child and quite a few celebrities have had children late in life. I am also a child of a mum who had me at 40, I only just lost her last year I did go through some years of my life thinking and worrying about my mum being older than other mums, never said to her though. but she was a wonderful mum and was pretty fit and healthy until she got to her 90s she reckoned I kept her young and fit. Enjoy your Daughter she loves you and that's all that matters

I'm 50 with a 10 year old. I meet older and younger mothers. I think you would be surprised it's not that unusual these days. It's just a number. It's how you behave at the end of the day xxx

I turned 53 last week and my daughter will be 13 in a couple of months. I don't care. She doesn't care. No one cares.
Would you be embarrassed if you were a fifty year old man with a young daughter?

I know you said be kind, but I’m just going to be blunt, you’re rambling nonsense. Why is your daughter going to be embarrassed if you look 40? And I find the long paragraph explaining why you’ve committed the crime of having a baby at 40, as someone who had their youngest at knocking on 43, really unnecessary thanks. Sorry you’re feeling old, but you’re really not.

I was 50 with a 7 year old.
Stop it, your post is full of woe is me. You are lucky to have each other Concentrate of the positives and not what others may think, or that you are n't good enough. She loves you to bits, run with it, you probably won't much like each other once she's 14. That's I I thought, What the heck have I done? Now out the other side and she's my joy, even if I'm old. I want the world for her.

Sorry but as the 54 year old mother of a 9 year old and the daughter of a father who had me at 44 I find this slightly insulting and a bit odd.
I know more mothers over 40 than I do under 40 in my friendship group. My dad lived until I was 42. You’re not particularly unusual, as long as you do your best to stay fit and healthy it’s really not a big deal!

My mum had me at nearly 40 back in 1984, I have to be honest I had the oldest mum out of my school friends and I did find it really embarrassing at the time especially in secondary school. Although I'm guessing it wasn't really the norm to have kids so late bk then like it is now, so I guess times have changed and there will be loads of kids with older mothers nowadays.