AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

I’m 3 weeks post partum.
Trust me when I say you won’t give less of a shit about your hair once your baby is here.

And to add when I was in the darkest days of my postnatal depression I did have to make a real effort to undertake this self-care- having a shower was so much effort when I was crumbling.

I just get impatient with people on a text-based forum who can't be bothered to read.

I said "perfect looks". If you think that's the same as "any mother who cares about her appearance... All mothers should just give up and be frumpy for the rest of their lives to be a 'good mother'", with due respect, you have major comprehension issues.

During pregnancy, 4 bleaches, a high lift, endlessly projecting about future hair... Fine if that's part of a self-care and happiness regime, but it's coming from a place of thinking her natural hair colour looks disgusting and anxiety, yes that is being obsessed with perfect looks.

Her post history, which I saw before my first post, also shows a lot of fixation on other aspects of appearance. It's not OP's fault she is obsessed with that, but the harsh truth is that if it's not sorted, her baby WILL 100% have issues. I know my mother loves me and would sacrifice her life for me in a millisecond, but her looks fixation (less than OP but still pretty obsessive) definitely gave me issues.

Pleeeeeeeease update us after you've given birth how many shits you give about your hair.

I couldn't even read it, it was so irrelevant.

And to reassure you there is no need to worry about the colour as it's all about to fall out soon x

Dying your hair again is only going to make it worse. This won't help but I don't think you're hair changes when pregnant and they should be more careful. I had my hair done right after pregnancy and the blonde took differently...way too gold!!! And I was really pale from sepsis and lack of sleep.

Get the olaplex 0 to put on before 3. Don't dye at all for a while. Make sure you're using a gentle shampoo and conditioner. Biosilk is also a great leave in. Also I would try to see if you can get a bit of a new make up routine to make it pop more?

Good luck OP. I'm so sorry some people decided to be so negative. It's the last thing a stressed out soon to be new mum needs.

@ruhroh I really don't have "major comprehension issues". Let's just leave it there.

This!

100% deflected worry

Okay, then you have issues slotting your agenda where it doesn't belong. Let's leave it there!

Having highlights done four times during pregnancy isn't wild. I'm having mine done 5 times! It's a real shame that your hair has been a bit fried, but with regular Olaplex No. 3 treatments on it and it should be okay. It's quite hard to read your OP, so I'm not really sure what your AIBU is.

Blonde hair and young babies is hard work but manageable. My first was during lockdown so you can imagine how crap my hair looked 😆

Oh my goodness me, why you stressing like that, that will really effect every part of your body, im sure you are a lovely beautiful woman, just do 1 thing at a time, moaning / groaning & fretting will make you miserable. Enjoy having your baby and just go from there

Not true at all about needing to give her hair a rest. It’s not tired!

What the OP’s hairdresser should have done was apply a toner or mixed up a fresh batch of low strength lightener to the previously bleached hair.

Highlift tints are a bleach/toner mix so shouldn’t be used on anything darker than a level 7 ideally.

Golden rule of lightening hair is NEVER overlap the stronger bleach products onto already bleached hair. Olaplex can repair broken bonds but if your hair feels like straw, then the outer cuticle layers are damaged and nothing can permanently fix that.

I think many posters have not read all the OP's subsequent posts. This is not about hair or self care or mothers taking the time to look good. This is beyond all that.

Yes.
And an AS of her other threads is very revealing.

Make full use of the visitors lol! Anyone who turns up to see baby and asks if you need help- family friends etc ask them to babysit if baby is settled while you go and do your hair if that's what you need.

Agreed. It is so sad that so many consider basic hygiene "self-care" or going to the market for the food "me time". NO! There is no way my husband would consider taking a shower, working out, looking nice or any of the basic daily life occurrences as "self-care" and so there is no way I would also consider those a treat or self care.

Please try not to put yourself down.

Maybe buy some blonde dry shampoo or root cover in that colour if it makes you feel better.

I forget my hair colour is so dark when I've not had my roots done. Soartbfrom pesky greys coming in.

I think like others have said when the baby is here if you manage to have a wash you will be winning.

Taking time for yourself is important and you enjoy having your hair done. Nothing wrong with looking nice.

Hope everything goes well. Enjoy your baby when they are here.

Sorry for all the cunts on this thread OP! Ignore them!

You'll find the time and will all be fine so please don't stress. I bleached my hair when I was pregnant and had to move to highlights. All the happy baby photos show me looking like a cockatoo due to breakage. I really would recommend highlights instead for health of your hair. If you must scalp bleach then you need a lot of moisturisers and masks. I don't rate olaplex but I know a lot do. The best thing for my hair is an argan oil from Tesco by OGX. It's a spray in a brown / orange bottle and every night I put four squirts into my ponytail and one squirt in the morning after I've washed it.

All the best with your baby

OP, you are looking for reinforcement around a non issue.

Please do what loads of people have said on your previous threads and talk about your severe anxieties with your midwife/GP.

Apart from

@ruhroh OK!

Aah bless you, that sounds really hard. It's about more than the hair. If this reassures you at all, after my DC was born, I pretty much carried on as before with personal care and maintenance. They're very portable as babies. I used to go for pedicure and foot massage, DC stayed in the pram or I cuddled her on my lap. Some people want to give up on lots of that stuff but some of us don't. Personally I carried on as I was before, but just with a baby now. Enjoy your son

My eyes just rolled so far back into my head, I’m doubtful I’ll ever get them back in the right position.

@NewbieToThis

Could you talk to your hairdresser about maybe a getting that Scandi hairline thing I've seen all over tiktok? It's like just lightening the bits round your face to brighten you up, you could do that and maybe use that Glaze shampoo stuff to amp up the shine and keep the rest of your hair bright instead of colouring it.

I don't know why people are being so snarky - actually I do, competitive arseholery seems to run in AIBU - but I get you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, even when you have a baby.

So bleach does seep into the brain…. 🙄

I wish I could hug you ❤
I can't offer hair advice since I don't have any experience, I'm so sorry to hear your past is affecting how you see yourself now. Have you tried any therapy in the past? If not maybe consider this.
Even with a high needs baby you can fit self care in with support around you. Do not push yourself for the first few weeks though, that's healing time. Then it can take some time to get into a routine. Mine slept quite well through the night early on, that's when I'd shower etc. You'll find the time don't worry.
Even if baby doesn't like the pram try a sling, I would fit a walk in everyday of my maternity leave and it saved my sanity, even if it was 30 minutes or just popping to the shops.
One thing I was told too late and I didn't take on-board at first- look after yourself because that baby needs his mum, whatever looking after yourself means to you.
Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond.