AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

Why do people keep saying this? Do people really have their hair fall out when they are pregnant? Never happened to me or anyone I know. Do women lose loads?

I think the OP is being overly fussy - but these 'don't worry coz your hair will all drop out when they baby is a few months old anyway' comments are cruel and brutal.

THIS comment is awful...

@gemloving · Today 17:12

Don't worry, a lot of your hair will fall out about 3-4 months post part. You can't look more hideous than any mother at re growth hair stage which truly looks shit.

When I read the OP's first post, I thought she was being ridiculous, but her subsequent posts show that she definitely has issues, and needs therapy, and some people are being horrible to her.

I read this, people's hair falls out all the time. For some reason during pregnancy it doesn't fall out. So after the birth all the hair that should have fell out falls out. So seems like you're shedding a lot of hair but you're not really. Hope that makes sense.

It's postpartum hair loss and affects 40% of new mothers.

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/hair-loss-advice/pregnancy-and-postpartum-hair-loss

A good diet and avoiding harsh treatments can help. When it grows back it can look 'messy' because of all the wispy baby hairs.

Mothers obsessed with perfect looks are pure toxic... I feel sorry for your child in advance...

High needs would make things more than a lot harder for the baby.

You're about to have a baby and you're worrying about your frazzled hair. Give your head a wobble and grow up. Your poor baby.

OP, given that in your previous posts you’ve said that you’ll put baby into the foster system if you find it too much to cope with, or if it has anything like ASD or ADHD, I think your hair and self-care routine should be the absolute least of your worries. Please seek some professional support to deal with your anxieties before baby arrives.

No colour of hair is "disgusting", and why do you think you're not pretty? It sounds like you have really low self esteem.

No competent and responsible hairdresser would agree to do this. Time to find someone better

LOL! Is this not the bare minimum?! To me self care is painting my nails, getting my hair done, a face mask. If I had more money maybe a salon visit. Raise your bar.

OP, there are evidently more important things that are worrying you, and that other posters have mentioned. I won't go into that, except to say that investing time and £ into boosting your mental health, wellbeing and self esteem would be a wonderful gift to yourself and your baby.

As far as your hair goes, can I suggest you treat yourself to a couple of silk scrunchies? I spent the first 6 months or so with my hair scraped into a messy bun or a ponytail. And it was an annoying tangle overnight. Silk scrunchies are quick and easy to put in, as well as being kind to your hair.

Worrying about frazzled hair does not, in any way, make the OP a bad mother! No need to pity her baby, or to judge.

Don't worry ... when you're trying to deliver a healthy baby, naked, in stirrups and having just shat yourself, there will be no dignity left and your damaged hair will be the least of your worries.

Are you saying any mother who cares about her appearance is toxic?

All mothers should just give up and be frumpy for the rest of their lives to be a 'good mother'?

I feel sorry for you reading your posts. I’m about to loose my hair to chemo soon. That puts everything into perspective I think. I have two youngish kids too.

Ffs! It is ok for the OP to be worried about how she is going to manage fitting I'm in her hair care routine with a new born. Just because she is having a baby doesn't mean that she shouldn't care about/do anything else. So often on here people post that it is good for dads/ohs to have a hobby/do something for themselves - but when it comes to a mum getting a treatment - it is laughed at.

Honestly OP - book your treatment in at the weekend and tell your husband that he will need to look after the baby. If possible - arrange to have lunch with a friend after as well. It is good for you to schedule these things in from the start.

Can you read?

@ruhroh. No need to be so unpleasant to me, or to the OP.

Thats it. Your hair is just going back to pre pregnancy

F1ymetothetoon, Chatterboxy, vodkaredbullgirl, SweetBirdsong
If a mum is freaking out about her hair, how is it helpful for you to blow it off or ridicule with her comments? Where is your empathy? She's explained herself, if you don't like it, why respond? It's not too difficult to figure out that you have little control over all the changes your body is going through when going through pregnancy which impact some women more than others. And getting your hair done is self-care. And it makes perfect sense that she is upset when it's something she can usually do to better control how she feels and it's gone wrong. And who knows... maybe she knows some people in her family will take and share photos without her consent.

I sincerely hope people are kinder to you if you ever post something sharing about how you're feeling.

Why do I need to raise my bar? These basic things are something a lot of people struggle to do sometimes along with eating well, getting outside, eating, resting. Yes it is "the bare minimum" but the point is for some people it all goes put the window.

They had a point about reading comprehension. 'obsessed with perfect looks' is hardly the same as 'cares about her appearance'.

I wasn't ridiculing her or saying she shouldn't be getting her hair done..

This just isn't true for everyone, it's a myth. I have photos of myself during postpartum hair loss. I honestly looked like Richard e grant. My receding hairline went right up my head.

And yes, I have photos of myself pre pregnancy and no I didn't always look like R E G and yes it all grew back.

We shouldn't tell mums to be that the hair just goes back to the way it was, because then, like me, they freak out when they get real pp hair loss.

This particular op is prone to overthinking (as she says in her op) so we shouldn't sugar coat it