AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

Oh I remember now.

Yes, OP. This is just another in a long line of very concerning posts.

Have you discussed anything with your midwife yet? I mean important things like considering fostering your baby (wtf) and so on - not what colour your hair is going to be?

It doesn't seem like the real issue is the hair issue.

It sounds like you've made your hair and other elements of your appearance the focus as a way to brush over or cope with other issues and unless the underlying issue is dealt with you're likely to be trapped in this place and really damaging your hair long term.

You probably need to arrange to speak to someone to get to the root cause of some of your thoughts and feelings.

Then if you rate your hairdresser ask their advice on what would look after your hair, minimise damage and still look great. For some reason some people think the only way to brighten a complexion is to go lighter and brighter when actually other mid range colours can work well to compliment someone's skin undertones.

@Notalldogs23 "I used to bring my DS into the bathroom with me when he was tiny so I could shower etc, he'd be in the Moses basket, then his bouncer when he was a bit older".

That's exactly what I did with my children too. It did get a little more tricky with two unless DH was at home, in which case he could have both!

@NewbieToThis gently, you need to give your hair a break. I'm not surprised your hair is fried, because that is way too much bleach. I speak as someone who has mouse shite coloured hair which I've been dyeing for 42 years and not about to stop anytime soon! However, I only get mine done once every 3 months or so.

Do you know what you're having @NewbieToThis ? This baby is half of you and could well have your features. Your beautiful perfect little baby. Do you want your baby to grow up watching you hate their lips and 'need' filler? Or hate their eyes or hair colour? You could pass on how you view yourself to your child. Please do seek help, I hope seeing your features on your precious baby will show you how wrong you are about them on yours and helps bring you peace.

Get Olaplex 0 too. That and 3 together work much better than 3 on its own.

I have been bleaching my hair via full head of highlights for ten years and it’s in good condition so can be achieved. I have an Olaplex treatment every time I have the colour, I also use L’Oréal 10 in one protection spray every time I wash, I also use wella SP luxe oil on the ends during the week and I use the L’Oréal series expert shampoos and conditioners. I also DO NOT use hair straighteners, have not for years and wash my hair 1-2 times a week. I also have used the Olaplex conditioner and bonding oils before but prefer the other ones above, and just a treatment during the colour. My hair has no breakage, i have regular cuts to stop it snapping. Worth giving the above a try if you have the money to spend, if you have bleached hair it’s important for all the aftercare.
Congratulations on the birth of your child, treat yourself on some products, pamper and self care are important for us all 😘

I'm genuinely quite concerned here @NewbieToThis, because you seem very troubled with various things.
My hair falls out about 5 months post partum, without fail.
Now I'm not particularly precious over my hair, but I'm worried that you are and this will be a significant decline in your mental health issues, especially about your image.
Could I make a radical suggestion here? Cut it shorter, leave dying it and buy a wig. During cooler months they're not as uncomfortable and if baby is due march, by summer you'll have grown quite a bit out and then you can cut and colour away, but do please prepare that hair loss is really inevitable for loads of us.

Have you seen what happens to people who can afford anything? Madonna for example. Physical solutions to mental health problems don't fix anything.

Thanks so much. You’re right. I don’t want my son to grow up not liking how he looks as that would break my heart. I’m going to try and help him grow up as healthily as he can. I think my issues stem from childhood and growing up with a disability and made to feel unworthy. Also part of my adulthood And part of my teens I was overweight too which really affected how I looked and felt. I lost the weight over 5 years ago and have fairly maintained that. I don’t think I’ve put on that much during pregnancy as I’ve been trying to keep active and keep my weight under control to avoid me spiralling after this baby is born. I worry about not getting as many walks in as I would like after this baby is born. I pray my baby loves the pram lol. I suppose I’ve been stressing and overthinking everything because I’m scared I’ll feel how I felt years ago and not be able to do as much or anything about it to make myself feel better and end up resenting my baby which I don’t want to be like that. My son doesn’t deserve a broken version of me he deserves the best most confident version. I have a fear of the past trauma repeating itself and coming back worse

It'll all fall out at about 12 weeks pp anyway so I wouldn't worry your precious head 😂

Gently, OP, you've posted a lot of threads about the challenges you are having with your mental health, your ADHD, your visual impairment, losing your job and your two dogs who you plan will sleep in the same room as you and baby, and you would rather put your baby in his own room before 6 months, than try and get the dogs used to sleeping elsewhere. You have also made plans to have baby adopted if he causes you any difficulties and expect family and friends to spend a substantial amount of time giving you help.

Now this.

In every thread you've been advised strongly to speak to your midwife/GP about antenatal mental health support. Have you done this? It is by far the best thing you can do to support yourself in feeling better.

You and your baby both deserve to have you feeling as well as possible and seeking mental health support is an important first step to achieving this.

I agree with pp - get a wig! Give your real hair a break and a chance to recover from all the processing done to it.

I worry about not getting as many walks in as I would like after this baby is born. I pray my baby loves the pram lol.

If they don't, then stretchy wrap carriers are good for walking.

Don't worry, a lot of your hair will fall out about 3-4 months post part. You can't look more hideous than any mother at re growth hair stage which truly looks shit.

The point is hair will only stand up to so much bleaching before it is badly damaged. If you hate your natural colour find a different shade that doesnt require bleaching.

Op after reading your updates I think you'd be better off spending the money on therapy. You can't outrun trauma with superficial body modifications.

OP - this "My son doesn’t deserve a broken version of me he deserves the best most confident version".

1000000 percent. Ignore all the negative posts OP and take care of yourself xx

Nobody will notice once you've had baby, all eyes will be on baby!
Personally I think you're stressing about nothing.

Are you still intent on putting the baby is his own room as soon as he's born? Because you don't want the dogs to feel left out?

Are you still intent on getting the baby fostered if he has a disability?

Your posts are really, really concerning. Your hair colour is irrelevant.

Have you started the decluttering yet? Are you and the in-laws on speaking terms?

There are so many problems here, OP. Not your hair, though. Or your face. Or getting super-skinny after the birth.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

OP please speak to your midwife about all this

I used to dye my hair before pregnancy. When I tried to go to the salon post pregnancy, I reacted to the patch test. 2 years on and I'm still reacting to it. It might not happen to you, but do be aware, and take a patch test after birth before you book to get it done. My hairdresser said it was fairly common.

I would stock up on some overnight hair masks, Superdrug do some lovely ones, and give your hair a nice surge of moisture before you have any more dye put on it. I completely agree with you, self care is very important, you will still be you and not just mummy. Good luck, wishing you a swift and painless delivery when the time comes.

Agree.