House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

What have you said to him?

After the first time of him using my food and not cooking me anything I would have communicated with him that I didn't think that was appropriate. I would explain that as he is staying in my home, its not my expectation that he then takes the food from my fridge on top of me going him a bed and home to work from.

He's staying with you because mummy and daddy are getting a new kitchen fitted or redecorating his bedroom.

I fear the OP isn't going to actually do anything at all. A shame.
(He'll be wanting to come back again in the future....)

Kick him out now!

What did he actually say though? And you should tell him you're allergic to the additives in 'cheap butter substitutes' 😏

Oh give over. She’s spoken to him. It’s fine. It reads like you’re relishing the idea of a fall out.

Are you in love with him or something? I can't imagine why anyone would put up with this.

That’s probably it then. He’s used to having everything provided. He’s behaving as he does at home.

in addition he doesn’t need to be there with you, he’s enjoying the break from his parents.

I think you probably should have discussed your expectations and his around food/bills before now.

Actually, if you know this guy, you might know his parents (a bit of a reach here but go with me for a moment).
If you know his parents, you could phone them and just shop him in. Tell them how terrible a guest he is, how he expects you to do his laundry and wash up after him.

Just a thought. Probably not a great one but if you don't have any joy in kicking him out, you may want to have it as an option.

The clue was a 44yr old living with Mummy and Daddy like a giant, narcissistic, parasitic man-baby! He’s acting just as he does in his parent’s house. I bet you anything they buy all the food and he scoffs it all and pays a pittance towards costs, if anything at all.

Get rid of him. If you feel bad, tell yourself you’re doing him/the whole world a favour by showing him the consequences for his selfishness and entitlement. Has he got a key? If so, pinch it back, then next time he pops to the shop don’t let him back in. He’s probably so spoilt and coddled that he doesn’t even realise he’s done anything wrong.

You shouldn't have to do this, but I think as for whatever reason he seems oblivious to normal rules of etiquette I would send him to a very specific shop with a precise list of what he needs to buy leaving nothing to his discretion e.g. President unsalted butter, free range chicken, duchy organic tenderstem broccoli (!) or whatever takes your fancy so he can't come back with an alternative you would never buy yourself.

He's totally out of order. I'd say
Hey friend this hasn't been how you described it to me on the phone. You've only gone in to the office twice so why are you here?
It costs me to heat this place and you've eaten a ton of food I've provided without cooking me any or replacing my own stores so fuck off right now and leave the 250 quid on your way out you checky bastard so here's the address of the hotel I've called and they are expecting you.

He is taking the piss. Literally. WFH in your house, and cooking your food? WTF

Christ OP woman up ffs!

@Pipsickle3

I think you probably should have discussed your expectations and his around food/bills before now

Most people would not have done that as you expect a 44yo friend to behave reasonably and not take the piss.

I personally would never have had this type of conversation with a friend/ relative if they were staying at my place but then again I know that none of them would behave in the way that the OP’s guest has behaved, I get the impression that she Dosen’t really know him very well and was unaware that he would behave so unreasonably

I would ask him to replace the food ( maybe contribute to bills) and when he is gone ( if he hasn’t given you a gift ) have very little else to do with him, if his company wants him to work in the office again refuse to let him stay.

I think you need to tell him he can either pay up some money to replace the food he has eaten and some toward his other expenses that you are taking on, or he can go find a hotel for the second week.

You really should have spoken up after the first time he acted rude.

Stop being his personal doormat.

^This.
You are more tolerant than I. I'd have had stern words or kicked the fucker out.
I'm a bit confused as to why he needed to come to your city for work and yet is WFH?

OP has he bought ANYTHING? Like wine, or any kind of gift?

Or did he literally turn up with sweet FA.

...but if you don't have any joy in kicking him out..

Can you imagine if OP were a man that she would ever have to think in these terms? It's OP's house, he's a guest, not a resident, and he has ZERO rights to be there if OP doesn't want him to be.

I know it's not comfortable to ask a house guest to leave but, he's unpleasant and treating OP like a skivvy who must also pay for his company.

I wish OP would be angrier about it. Her conversation with him was so effective that it resulted in his dirty clothes being left by the washing machine for her to sort out for him - and for his purchasing of a cheap white loaf with horrible cheap filling to go in it.

That's what he thinks OP is worth whilst he is worthy of Lurpak and whatever else she has in her fridge. He's unworthy in every way and is no friend of OP.

I also wonder what 'stuff' he bought for himself when OP's food ran out?

@Vengroupthree You had "a word" with him and all he did was spend a couple of pounds on some cheap food? He put his crap in the washing machine for you to wash, dishes in the sink for you to wash, but hey, it's okay because you had "a word" with him.

You need a few more words. Four of them need to be "fuck off" and "get out".

Sadly, I think you must enjoy being his doormat, a martyr and his substitute mummie.

It's so difficult to be impolite (or possibly 'inhospitable' is the better word) to people, but sometimes that's what it takes.

At the least, I'd buy the cheapest of the cheap while he's there and hide away anything nice I didn't want him to use, or simply tell him outright to leave everything in this shelf or that alone, because you're saving it for something specific. When things run out, don't replace them.

Frankly - in these circumstances I would have put his washing into a bin bag and handed it back to him with directions to the nearest laundrette!