House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

Oh - for crying out loud!

Don't let him stay the second week.

Tell him you want him out, NOW. He is taking a massive advantage of your friendship and not only walking all over you, but wiping his shoes on you, too.

His parents have enabled this behaviour, which is why he continues to do the same as a house guest.

He has to go home.

I was doing my own laundry at 12.

" Wanker, this isn't working for me. I need you to go home now. "

@Vengroupthree - time to find your voice.
Say "CFer friend, you used my food and didn't make any for me. I'm going to write you a shopping list and I want the food replaced. This food wasn't bought just for your use. It is my food so I need it replaced before you leave. You can either order it for delivery or go to the nearest supermarket and get it yourself you greedy lazy arse of a person."
Please don't let this go unacknowledged. They are taking the piss here.

Perhaps in terms of having a clearer understanding of what the guy expected to do in terms of being in at the office and day to day. But there are some behaviours you do not expect to have to discuss beforehand though.

Nope.

Time for him to stay in a hotel.

Tell him that you didn't realise he was going to use more than just your WiFi and a bed without replacing it so he has to leave.

Don't give him an opportunity to turn it around on you. Repeat "This no longer works for me and you have to leave today".

You will have saved him 50% of the cost of staying in a hotel by allowing him stay for 1 of the 2 weeks.

Off with him!

"Ian, we're halfway through your planned stay here. So far I have provided you with three meals (and unwittingly with the ingredients for several more, which you have taken without my permission) and you have provided me with your washing up, your laundry, a cheap load of bread and some cheap spread. I know you're used to living with your parents and having things provided for you but you're a grown man and this behaviour isn't acceptable, especially when you are staying here for free. I can either bill you for what you're using with a charge for services on top or or you can replace what you've used like for like and provide me with three meals this week. I'll take a daily fry up (with ingredients you've bought) as a token payment for your lodgings."

Please tell me you told him to go back to the shop and buy replacements, like for like (brand included). You don't use that spread (for whatever reason you want to make up) and that bread is inedible and he must replace it.

Don't accept cheap replacements. He's not shy in using your quality foods, so he should understand that he must replace with the same level of quality!

Send him out. He's 44. He's not stupid. He's trying to save for a deposit which would explain why he's not buying Lurpak or Hovis and buying the cheaper alternatives. He is penny pinching and being a massive CFer!

Christ on a bike.
Thoughtless... Ok, there's one way to fix that... Give him a few of the thoughts he's missing and then tell him to take his piss taking elsewhere.

For speed, just pack his stuff push him out the door and send him a link to this thread.

C'mon OP. Talk to the ignorant blighter. Remind him you are not his mother. Has he never lived anywhere else?

1. Write a shopping list, specifying the exact brands you want. Replace everything he has eaten. He can either go to a supermarket or arrange a delivery.

1. Tell him (I know it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain) that he is being incredibly rude. He is adding to your workload and costs. If he is cooking, making a cup of tea or doing laundry he should ask if you want anything.

1. Check if he is claiming any expenses for being away from home. Is he getting a rent reduction from his parents for this fortnight? If he is getting anything he should pass this on to you and even if not why is he expecting you to subsidise him?

1. I would probably chuck him out, even after the above. Unless you honestly think things will be different this week - he provides dinner for you every night with ingredients he has bought, leaves your home at least as clean as he found it, is entertaining company etc

I'd say this isn't working for you and send him back to your parents. He's taking the piss and you're doing the typical woman thing of wanting to be nice and avoid confrontation.

Confront him! And get him to him to buy you more lurpak!!!

In hotel you have to pay, it's all free here. Seems like he has mistaken Op's home for his mama's home- mi casa tu casa son.

These kind of posts make me angry. He should not behave like a spoilt child, you should not allow him to behave like a spoilt child or this post is a wind up. All of which make me angry.

Fuck that!
get some gloves on, take clothes out of machine, fold all the clothes ever so nicely and put them on his bed.
If he says anything just blank stare at him and say nothing.

It's up to you, OP, if you tolerate this behaviour for week two. You can take it as read that he's receiving subsistence allowance from his employer, that's how it works.

You expected him to behave as a friend would. He's behaving as if he's not a friend at all - because to him, you're not, you're just convenient. A friend would not treat you this way at all.

What happens next is up to you but, if you post again that he's done this and that, nothing for you and that you're counting down the days then people will rightly think you are a doormat. Your friend will know you are a useful doormat and think far less of you than he did.

Your call. Regrets are a terrible thing.

Are you sure he hasn't lost his job or been fired or lost his home?
Sounds suspicious to me.
If not, he's a massive cheeky bastard.

I was once in a situation where a "friend" took the piss like this. I posted on moneysavingexpert to ask if I was being unreasonable. I then broached the subject with my friend and when he rebuffed my point of view I thought "bugger this" and emailed him the thread so he could read what other people thought.

He
was
mortified.

He went from "knowing he was right and that BigTubOfLard is unreasonable" to eating humble pie. He also said he realized he'd buggered up our friendship (and he was right). I never had any contact with him after that but hope it has made a difference to how he treats other friends. Oh, and he was also in his 40s and should have known better.

I would be cutting short the arrangement. He is treating you very badly and I cannot for the life of me see why you are putting up with it. He'd have been out on his ear by now if it had been me.

WTF! Why on earth are you allowing this?

He's a lazy, selfish bastard.

You're wetter than a lettuce in a swimming pool.

Match made in heaven I'd say, well for him anyway.

Hes not being self sufficient if he's eating the food you paid for! Time to speak to him.

Damn. Just seen there's eight pages. I expect someone has said this, you've resolved it and he's gone 😳

But you do. There are nice, positive ways of being clear and setting boundaries. He's moved in with one way of thinking it will be, OP's is vastly different. All could have been avoided with a polite discussion before he stayed.

Fuck him out now. I would not put up with that for another week. Ridiculous taker of a boy-man! 44!!!!

He's no friend. He's an utter user.