House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

No I'm not having it.
Nobody accepts cheap marg as a replacement for Lurpak, surely?
Come on OP 'fess up. You must be having us on?

Say to him, “look, mate, I was happy to put you up but you’re treating me like an all inclusive hotel that you haven’t paid for!
You’re welcome to stay for the next week as long as you stop freeloading and stop being selfish. Here’s a shopping list and I’d appreciate you asking me if I’d like to join you next time you cook yourself a meal”.

Send him shopping with the brands you want and write ‘No substitutes’ on there. Seriously, have words. Why’d he come to stay then not go to the office?

He needs to find his own pace for the next week. He's taking the piss.

This, bloody tell him!

You need to tell him he's taking the piss, you're not his mum and he needs to buy his own food and wash his own clothes

I hate it when OPs only answer the posts they agree with!

@Vengroupthree Why haven't you answered the majority who want to know why the hell you're putting up with being so disrespected in your own home!

Fuck me! < That's what I just said out loud when I read that he's 44 and stays with his parents.

Bloody hell!

Get him told!

This!
I’d politely remind him this is your home, not a hotel, and suggest he looks for the latter if he wants it, or else contributes both financially and by pulling his weight if he wants to continue to stay with you.

Are you going to say anything or ask him to leave? The friendship is effectively ruined as it is. So I guess options are put up with it and have a shit week, tell him to leave or actually just say if you want to stay things have to change.

Like another poster said give him a list of what he's used ask him to get those exact items. I get that saying things to friends is not easy sometimes but his behaviour is destroying the friendship anyway.

OP, why ever don't you speak up? 'This isn't a hotel/the Ritz/an all-you-can-eat restaurant' and 'Have you always been a taker?' might be two good sentences to start with. The third one might be short and sweet - like 'Bugger off'.

Have you told him to pay up and leave yet OP?

You've got a cocklodger without the cock,

tight ass, hope he gives you a very nice gift when he leaves ( doubt it though) he should also be replacing all the foods that he eats.
He is one of life’s users

Time to give him a very specific shopping list of items to get from a stated supermarket to replace everything that he has eaten, I reckon! Two weeks is a long time to expect someone to host you totally, a weekend is fine but 14 nights, no way!

People move back to or continue to live with their parents for a number of reasons that does not mean they behave like selfish arseholes like this guy though. Have seen it with friends at points -lost their job, relationships break up and have to find a place, ill-health or even caring responsibilities or even personal family preference but none of them behaved like this guy.

Get away! He’s been in twice and lives two hours from your city. He could have commuted for those two days, what a piss take

For the people blaming the OP, you expect normal standards of courtesy. This guy is a teenager in a 44yo body.

I think I’d be having a stern word and saying how upset and disappointed I was and asking him for money for the food and to leave. This is an utter piss take. If you would struggle to vocalise I’d write it down. In a letter. If he values your friendship at all it would be on him to reimburse, apologise and I’d expect a gesture of flowers or such.

What house rules did you set/what agreements did you make before your friend moved in/when they were moving in?

If you didn't agree anything in advance that's on you.

If you agreed things and your friend isn't sticking to them that's on them.

It should be part of welcoming them in your home because people always have things they do certain ways or things people need to know (e.g. we always set the washing machine on eco, don't let the dog into the garden after 9pm, don't dry laundry outside of the utility room, here's how the TV works, here's the wi-fi details, etc.).

Part of how you act will also set the tone, for example if you walk in and your host has laid towels on your bed and left a welcome note, that gives a very different first impression to if you walk in and there's out of date milk in the fridge and no info on anything.

Having said that I do think it's rude that your friend is using your food rather than buying their own. Especially if they aren't compensating some other way - for example I'm a rubbish cook so I wouldn't want to enforce my food on someone, but I'd do other things to compensate such as clearing the table, loading/unloading the dishwasher after the meal, putting stuff away, etc. Maybe your friend is doing other things as their contribution that you literally haven't noticed or realised.

OP he is out of order but honestly it'll be on you now if you don't turf him out.

My employer used to pay £35 per night if you stayed at relatives/friends instead of a hotel when travelling for work. That was excluding meals and travel costs. He’s on a nice little earner for this trip!

Yup. This. I’d be giving him a bill for the (rough) value of the food he’s eaten + 20% for utilities and suggest he pays you out of his per diem. Actually I wouldn’t. I’d have told him to leave find a hotel this weekend. This person is NOT your friend.

I'd be pointing him in the direction of the Travelodge.

44! He lives with his DP's at 44, no wonder he's driving you mad Op. He's used to Mummy doing his washing and his washing up and he probably pays a pittance for his keep. Time to tell him adults pay their way and look after themselves. And tell him to go home, please.