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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House issues with ex husband

148 replies

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 19:58

I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable with my request.

I split up with my ex husband of 7 years at the beginning of last year, I fell out of love with him and ultimately ended up cheating on him. He left the marital home we bought together and my new partner moved in with me.

He has since started a relationship with someone and they've been together 8 months from what I know.
I've just had a baby with my new partner and because I am not on maternity leave, I can no longer afford to pay the mortgage on the house.

We are trying to sell the house and have been all this time, it is agreed I get back what I put into it which is £35k.

It was also agreed in a contract that should the house not sell by February this year (so now) by which my baby would be due then he would move back in to the house and pay the mortgage in full.

He has done this and is paying everything to do with the house on his own (he is well off) but he has moved his new girlfriend in with him too which I am far from happy about.

I don't know her, she could be ruining the house and I'm worried if she did anything then I wouldn't get my £35k I am owed.

He goes away on business sometimes up to a week at a time, I have asked him that no one is allowed to stay in the house when he is not there.

I asked him to check the insurance and the insurance says that it is fine but it still doesn't sit right with me.

I'm just not comfortable with someone else living in my asset.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but
AIBU?

OP posts:
BloodyAdultDC · 10/02/2024 20:01

YABVU.

It's his house too, he's allowed to have whoever he wants staying.

DeeLusional · 10/02/2024 20:03

You are a CF.

DelilahsHaven · 10/02/2024 20:03

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

CrikeyMajikey · 10/02/2024 20:04

So you’re new DP can live in the house but not his? That’s very unreasonable of you.

Laurama91 · 10/02/2024 20:06

CrikeyMajikey · 10/02/2024 20:04

So you’re new DP can live in the house but not his? That’s very unreasonable of you.

Was thinking the same.

pensione · 10/02/2024 20:08

Is this a reverse? You are so unreasonable it’s insane.

pensione · 10/02/2024 20:09

How dare he move on, right OP?

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 10/02/2024 20:09

This can’t be real.

Is it a reverse? No one is this ridiculous to be bothered by their ex husband moving his girlfriend in, when they had an affair, moved the OM into the marital home and then got pregnant within a few weeks.

Or is it that you are actually a bit jealous? Grass not greener?

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/02/2024 20:11

This can’t be serious.. obviously YABU!!

Original poster
fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:12

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 10/02/2024 20:09

This can’t be real.

Is it a reverse? No one is this ridiculous to be bothered by their ex husband moving his girlfriend in, when they had an affair, moved the OM into the marital home and then got pregnant within a few weeks.

Or is it that you are actually a bit jealous? Grass not greener?

I'm not jealous I couldn't care less who he was shagging!

I'm just worried that I'll lose out on money in the house, he's agreed I'll get my money back but what if something happened to the house because of her?

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 10/02/2024 20:13

I can't believe this is true.

dammit88 · 10/02/2024 20:13

Good grief OP. What on earth do you think she is going to do?!

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/02/2024 20:14

@fairycakes77 you do sound jealous, if I was your partner I would want to know why your so bothered about this? Would be raising red flags to me if someone was acting like this over there exs new partner 🫤

if he’s agreed and everything is in writing then I really don’t understand your problem? So basically nobody other than him will ever be allowed in the house incase repairs need carrying out at some stage!? Wtf.

EasterIssland · 10/02/2024 20:15

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:12

I'm not jealous I couldn't care less who he was shagging!

I'm just worried that I'll lose out on money in the house, he's agreed I'll get my money back but what if something happened to the house because of her?

Show quote history

same thing could have happened with your new partner who you moved in barely knowing them.

Hatty65 · 10/02/2024 20:15

I imagine she's only swinging from the chandeliers when your Ex is there, so I wouldn't worry that she'll 'damage' it when he's away.

HTH.

spanieleyes · 10/02/2024 20:16

Maybe the OP is worried about the pair of them swinging from the chandeliers and the ceiling falling in!

spanieleyes · 10/02/2024 20:16

Snap!

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 10/02/2024 20:16

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:12

I'm not jealous I couldn't care less who he was shagging!

I'm just worried that I'll lose out on money in the house, he's agreed I'll get my money back but what if something happened to the house because of her?

Show quote history

What if something had happened to the house while your dp was there?

Clearly you do care where he is shagging, even if not who.

Why is your dp allowed there? But not his?

Did you have your dps children in the home as well?

Original poster
fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:17

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/02/2024 20:14

@fairycakes77 you do sound jealous, if I was your partner I would want to know why your so bothered about this? Would be raising red flags to me if someone was acting like this over there exs new partner 🫤

if he’s agreed and everything is in writing then I really don’t understand your problem? So basically nobody other than him will ever be allowed in the house incase repairs need carrying out at some stage!? Wtf.

I don't trust him anymore that's why I'm worried that he's let someone in the house that he's probably said awful things about me to.

No obviously if work needed doing then workmen can go in but what if she does something spiteful?!

OP posts:
barkymcbark · 10/02/2024 20:17

What's she going to do with the house? I presume she's a full grown adult and won't trash the place. It's already agreed that you'll get 35k so the less you sell the house for, the less he will get .

Tinkerbyebye · 10/02/2024 20:17

Him so it’s ok for you to move your man in but not your ex his girlfriend

grow up

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 10/02/2024 20:18

This is bonkers

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 10/02/2024 20:18

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:17

I don't trust him anymore that's why I'm worried that he's let someone in the house that he's probably said awful things about me to.

No obviously if work needed doing then workmen can go in but what if she does something spiteful?!

Show quote history

Ah yes, because you are trustworthy?

IncyWincyCaterpillar · 10/02/2024 20:19

😂😂.

Vgbeat · 10/02/2024 20:19

I'm intrigued what you think is going to happen to wipe the equity out. You decided you didn't want to be married to him anymore and then of just ending it had an affair. You then didn't even seem to catch your breath before you moved someone else in and have a baby. I'm assuming you exh didn't kick up a stink about you keeping your bed warm so quickly. This can't be real surely