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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House issues with ex husband

148 replies

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 19:58

I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable with my request.

I split up with my ex husband of 7 years at the beginning of last year, I fell out of love with him and ultimately ended up cheating on him. He left the marital home we bought together and my new partner moved in with me.

He has since started a relationship with someone and they've been together 8 months from what I know.
I've just had a baby with my new partner and because I am not on maternity leave, I can no longer afford to pay the mortgage on the house.

We are trying to sell the house and have been all this time, it is agreed I get back what I put into it which is £35k.

It was also agreed in a contract that should the house not sell by February this year (so now) by which my baby would be due then he would move back in to the house and pay the mortgage in full.

He has done this and is paying everything to do with the house on his own (he is well off) but he has moved his new girlfriend in with him too which I am far from happy about.

I don't know her, she could be ruining the house and I'm worried if she did anything then I wouldn't get my £35k I am owed.

He goes away on business sometimes up to a week at a time, I have asked him that no one is allowed to stay in the house when he is not there.

I asked him to check the insurance and the insurance says that it is fine but it still doesn't sit right with me.

I'm just not comfortable with someone else living in my asset.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but
AIBU?

OP posts:
youmustrememberthis · 10/02/2024 20:19

This can't be real.

Octavia64 · 10/02/2024 20:19

He is literally just doing what you did.

You both own the house.

He moved out and you moved a new boyfriend in.

Now he is living there and has moved his girlfriend in.

Quite apart from the fairness argument, he owns the house (jointly with you) and can move uncle Tom Cobbleigh in if he damn well wants.

OhmygodDont · 10/02/2024 20:22

Aye so you don’t trust that him or or his gf won’t trash the house. But he was expected to trust that you and your partner wouldn’t trash the house.

You the one with such high morals that you cheated. Yeah alright then.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 10/02/2024 20:22

Is the only equity £35k?

Because you can lose that in the drop in prices pretty easily.

planningforthefuture · 10/02/2024 20:22

You are the one who cheated but you don't trust him?

It was OK for you to move a partner in but he can't?

Why would his new partner do anything to the house?

YABVU

Rachie1973 · 10/02/2024 20:23

The hypocrisy is mind blowing!

doilooklikeicare · 10/02/2024 20:25

@fairycakes77 why don't you trust him? Because you assume his morals are as bad as yours?

kalokagathos · 10/02/2024 20:27

You said you don't trust him, but you cheated on him and then moved your partner in? Are we hearing you correctly? YABVU

Livinghappy · 10/02/2024 20:39

Can't be real...no one would admit to this

Enigma52 · 10/02/2024 20:46

Seriously??? 😂😂

Divastrout · 10/02/2024 20:47

Wow just that!!
There is something very strange about your reasoning!!
You are just jealous and want to control him because he's moved on and it just hurts you

missmollygreen · 10/02/2024 20:53

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:17

I don't trust him anymore that's why I'm worried that he's let someone in the house that he's probably said awful things about me to.

No obviously if work needed doing then workmen can go in but what if she does something spiteful?!

Show quote history

Something spiteful like cheating?

DelilahsHaven · 10/02/2024 21:06

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 20:12

I'm not jealous I couldn't care less who he was shagging!

I'm just worried that I'll lose out on money in the house, he's agreed I'll get my money back but what if something happened to the house because of her?

Show quote history

Like what? What if something happened to the house when your new DP was living there?

This sounds very dubious OP.

StarDolphins · 10/02/2024 21:12

So it’s both your houses & it was ok for you to move your OM back n but not of for him to move his gf or n? You are v v unreasonable & cheeky.

SD1978 · 10/02/2024 21:12

You're having a laugh aren't you? You cheated on your husband, moved in your affair partner, and now you're concerned because you are moving out, and don't trust him........

LisaD1 · 10/02/2024 21:17

Yabvu and I hope your ex tells you to piss off. You cheated on him, moved your new guy into his old home then when you had a kid with new guy he gets to take over responsibility for the mortgage and yet you think YOU get a say in how he lives in the house. CF

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 10/02/2024 21:17

Op isn’t concerned.

She is jealous. She thought she was upgrading. A year later, he is back in the home loved up with his new gf. While op and her boyfriend couldn’t afford to keep the house between them.

Bananasandtoast · 10/02/2024 21:20

I think you should tell him you don't want her living in your house in case she damages it.
You will give them both such a good laugh.

Eightfour · 10/02/2024 21:21

😂😂😂😂

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 10/02/2024 21:23

pensione · 10/02/2024 20:08

Is this a reverse? You are so unreasonable it’s insane.

It's got to be, no one could actually admit to being this precocious and up themselves.
'I want to live on the house, you can get my scraps when I can't afford it' ..
So between you and New beau you cant afford mortgage?
Here have the MN cf crown. .👑

44PumpLane · 10/02/2024 21:23

You're utterly ridiculous and if you're unaware of that fact you need to get yourself a clue.

YABVVVVVU!!!!

Justleaveitblankthen · 10/02/2024 21:38

You only split up with your husband a year ago, but already moved someone else in, moved out and have a baby? What took you so long? 🥴

doilooklikeicare · 10/02/2024 21:41

Justleaveitblankthen · 10/02/2024 21:38

You only split up with your husband a year ago, but already moved someone else in, moved out and have a baby? What took you so long? 🥴

She wanted to take it slowly to make sure it was the right option.

noodlezoodle · 10/02/2024 21:42

Surely no one is this self-absorbed? Unless you are Gregg Wallace of course.

SemperIdem · 10/02/2024 21:45

You’re being hilariously unreasonable.