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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House issues with ex husband

148 replies

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 19:58

I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable with my request.

I split up with my ex husband of 7 years at the beginning of last year, I fell out of love with him and ultimately ended up cheating on him. He left the marital home we bought together and my new partner moved in with me.

He has since started a relationship with someone and they've been together 8 months from what I know.
I've just had a baby with my new partner and because I am not on maternity leave, I can no longer afford to pay the mortgage on the house.

We are trying to sell the house and have been all this time, it is agreed I get back what I put into it which is £35k.

It was also agreed in a contract that should the house not sell by February this year (so now) by which my baby would be due then he would move back in to the house and pay the mortgage in full.

He has done this and is paying everything to do with the house on his own (he is well off) but he has moved his new girlfriend in with him too which I am far from happy about.

I don't know her, she could be ruining the house and I'm worried if she did anything then I wouldn't get my £35k I am owed.

He goes away on business sometimes up to a week at a time, I have asked him that no one is allowed to stay in the house when he is not there.

I asked him to check the insurance and the insurance says that it is fine but it still doesn't sit right with me.

I'm just not comfortable with someone else living in my asset.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but
AIBU?

OP posts:
TragicMuse · 10/02/2024 23:17

For someone who didn't know about Mumsnet you sure picked up the slang fast...

HappiestSleeping · 10/02/2024 23:20

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 23:11

I did reply earlier and said it's because I know by DP and I don't know his.

It's not just about her, he could move anyone in without me knowing and that's a genuine worry

Show quote history

Let's assume for a moment that your question is real. If my reading of your posts is correct:-

  1. You both currently own the house
  2. Initially he moved out, and you stayed, but you still both own the house.
  3. You moved your partner in to the house jointly own by you and your ex who you know but your ex doesn’t.
  4. You moved out, and your ex moved in.
  5. Your ex has his new partner now living in the house jointly owned by you and your ex.

If this is about the summary, then I'm afraid you have to suck it up as the house is as much his as it is yours. He doesn't need your permission, in the same way you didn't need his.

Since it is still jointly owned, you cannot be denied access, so if it bothers you, just go round and look at how it is being treated.

BlurringTheLines · 10/02/2024 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bigcat25 · 10/02/2024 23:21

He didn't know your partner and you didn't expect him to have a problem with it, nor did he. He has an interest in protecting his assist too.

I would rather him with a partner than a random tenant. Honestly the more unreasonable your being the more likely the would be to treat the place badly to spite you, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

You don't get to control and micro manage every little detail.

Cheeseismyfavourite · 10/02/2024 23:35

On the basis your DP sleeps with married women, I think I’d trust your DH’s new partner more than him

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/02/2024 23:48

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 23:11

I did reply earlier and said it's because I know by DP and I don't know his.

It's not just about her, he could move anyone in without me knowing and that's a genuine worry

Show quote history

And when you were living there you could have moved anyone in and you wouldn't have been happy if your ex had an opinion about it

LeopardsRockingham · 11/02/2024 00:12

This situation did happen to my unhinged neighbours .... though no baby.

She had an affair. He moved out.

She moved out and he moved back in.

She arrived one night and threw bricks and broke all the windows.

So he (the richer of the 2) pulled out the kitchen, fireplace and all the internal doors.

The house had to sell for 80k less than the rest on the street.

scaredofthefuture2024 · 11/02/2024 00:14

@fairycakes77 I suspect your ex likely felt the same about your DP moving in. Why the double standard?

JustAnotherManicMomday · 11/02/2024 00:18

Sorry but did he not allow you to move a new partner in after you cheated on him and made him leave his own house. Guys a Saint. Then comes to the rescue moving back in. Maybe he will decide he wants his house for himself.

Flamme · 11/02/2024 00:27

If the girlfriend really wanted to vandalise the house, she would really have to work hard to reduce the value to less than £35K. Unless it was a slum to begin with, of course.

DottieMoon · 11/02/2024 00:29

You’re a total CF. Your hypocrisy is ridiculous, you can’t be for real. So it was fine for you to move your new boyfriend in but he can’t move his girlfriend in. One rule for you and another for him. You are an idiot.

Hankunamatata · 11/02/2024 00:42

This is absolutely hilarious.

U cheated and moved new dp in before martial bed was cold. Then had a baby pretty soon after and then ex bails you out by taking over the mortgage. And you object to his partner living there

Give yourself a shake

cakeytime · 11/02/2024 00:50

Hang on !

So you moved your partner into the house but he can't have his partner live there?

Yes YABU. Its his asset too and who lives with him is none of your business.

I think this is a reverse and a piss take post btw.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/02/2024 00:57

WOW ! you moved your new partner in, so why didn't he pay the mortgage when you couldn't afford it ?!!!

and now you have the nerve to complain that your husband has moved in his partner ?!!!

I hope your partner didn't cause any damage to the house when he was living there!

Learn to take responsibility for your actions. and grow up.

TheFireflies · 11/02/2024 01:00

this is a really weak attempt

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 11/02/2024 01:33

‘I used my friends account’ of course you did.

peanutbutterkid · 11/02/2024 04:06

Why the heck didn't you get it sold in 2023 "been trying to sell it since then" ? The selling market is dire right now. Prices floating downwards constantly That's your 2nd mistake.

Insurance, OP, people have insurance in case of unruly tenants, or xH's psycho gfds. Insurance is what protects you.

Crackoncrackerjack · 11/02/2024 07:26

Diddums

Enigma52 · 11/02/2024 10:18

What's the plan OP?
I'm itching to know!
This could make a superb new drama on Channel 5! 😂

Itsagreatdaytosavelives · 11/02/2024 10:24

u r a cf. hth

flannelonthesink · 11/02/2024 10:27

You know your DP? Well surely he knows his? Mind your business, OP. You'll get your money.

Workworkandmoreworknow · 11/02/2024 10:33

I'm just not comfortable with someone else living in my asset

But your ex had to be comfortable with you moving in a new partner?

Your only concern is you. Like every other idiot who has an affair.

MissSookieStackhouse · 11/02/2024 10:38

Haha, well done OP, you really got people going! Surely no one can be that much of a self obsessed diva that they have an affair, leave their husband, have a baby with a new partner and then begrudge their ex moving their new girlfriend into the house they chose to leave! 😂

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 11/02/2024 16:20

OP, I hope you're taking in the replies on here and seeing what an absolute twat you're being.

The very idea that you would shag someone else and cheat on your husband. Get knocked up by said affair partner immediately and move him into yours and husbands house, hover in there playing happy adulterers families for a year, then try and say anything about your husband moving back in with anyone to cover the mortgage you can't pay, is beggars fucking belief.

Mnk711 · 11/02/2024 16:26

YABVU and quite frankly slightly unhinged. How on earth can you think it's more likely your house would get damaged by his partner than some random tenants? He's helped you out by moving back in, when you couldn't afford to stay. He could have told you that was your problem and you owed half the mortgage so needed to keep paying.i think you don't trust her because you're projecting your own situation on to them.