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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House issues with ex husband

148 replies

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 19:58

I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable with my request.

I split up with my ex husband of 7 years at the beginning of last year, I fell out of love with him and ultimately ended up cheating on him. He left the marital home we bought together and my new partner moved in with me.

He has since started a relationship with someone and they've been together 8 months from what I know.
I've just had a baby with my new partner and because I am not on maternity leave, I can no longer afford to pay the mortgage on the house.

We are trying to sell the house and have been all this time, it is agreed I get back what I put into it which is £35k.

It was also agreed in a contract that should the house not sell by February this year (so now) by which my baby would be due then he would move back in to the house and pay the mortgage in full.

He has done this and is paying everything to do with the house on his own (he is well off) but he has moved his new girlfriend in with him too which I am far from happy about.

I don't know her, she could be ruining the house and I'm worried if she did anything then I wouldn't get my £35k I am owed.

He goes away on business sometimes up to a week at a time, I have asked him that no one is allowed to stay in the house when he is not there.

I asked him to check the insurance and the insurance says that it is fine but it still doesn't sit right with me.

I'm just not comfortable with someone else living in my asset.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:27

DelilahsHaven · 10/02/2024 22:25

@fairycakes77 what did you put in place while your new DP lived there, presumably that would suffice.

Well nothing, I knew my new DP I don't know his new DP and anyway my ex didn't ask for any sort of contract so that's on him I suppose!

OP posts:
Bluju · 10/02/2024 22:28

How come you were ok moving your DP in and shagging him there?

EasterIssland · 10/02/2024 22:28

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:22

Oh it's real! I'm not happy he's got her in the house.

It's not my fault he can't buy me out and it's not my fault it's not selling so why do I have to put up with him having her in there.

Neither of us want the house anymore i stayed out of the kindness of my heart so he could move on but situations change and I couldn't afford to live there anymore. It doesn't mean he should have someone else living there!

Can't he do a rental contract or something? Have tenants insurance? There must be something I can do to stop this from happening in my house!

Show quote history

“Neither of us want the house anymore i stayed out of the kindness of my heart “

poor poor you. You cheat on your husband , move your new partner in. So kind.

I agree with your friend. You’re a cf

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 10/02/2024 22:30

@fairycakes77 is your user name alluding to your dob? You can't be nearly 50 and this vapid?!

Bluju · 10/02/2024 22:31

This reply has been deleted

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ThinWomansBrain · 10/02/2024 22:31

Controlling, much?
Your ex DH must be delighted that he is no longer in a relationship with you.

Lala87 · 10/02/2024 22:31

You're being childish.

DelilahsHaven · 10/02/2024 22:32

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:27

Well nothing, I knew my new DP I don't know his new DP and anyway my ex didn't ask for any sort of contract so that's on him I suppose!

Show quote history

Presumably your Ex will also want his share of the proceeds from the house sale, so he's unlikely to jeopardise that.

I wonder why you're so focused on finding fault with his actions. You're loved up with your new DP, so why so bitter and unhappy?

Crackoncrackerjack · 10/02/2024 22:32

This reply has been deleted

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Whatdoesthatbuttondo · 10/02/2024 22:32

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:27

Well nothing, I knew my new DP I don't know his new DP and anyway my ex didn't ask for any sort of contract so that's on him I suppose!

Show quote history

Well he knows his new DP! He can make exactly the same arguments you did, with the added benefit that he’s been honest and hasn’t been shagging this bird behind your back whilst pretending to still be in a relationship with you.

Christ, if this is genuine then you are an absolute caricature of the unreasonable ex wife. Nobody has this little self awareness and bitterness.

Original poster
fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:33

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I wish I was lying but it's a really frustrating situation for me

OP posts:
Crackoncrackerjack · 10/02/2024 22:34

I’m sure your ex was frustrated and angry when you were lying and cheating

Starseeking · 10/02/2024 22:35

If this isn't a reverse/someone with a few screws loose, the situation seems to be:

  • you moved your new man into your marital home a maximum of 4 months after you got together and it doesn't sound like you asked your "husband" (you're still married to him!), and you've now had a baby in said house with your new DP
  • the husband you cheated on moved into the same house after14 months, and is paying the mortgage and bills with your agreement
  • you don't like that he's moved his DP of 8 months in with him because you think she may "do something" to the house

With respect, you need to get over yourself.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/02/2024 22:40

Some people.

Bluju · 10/02/2024 22:41

This reply has been deleted

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Toottooot · 10/02/2024 22:43

Log it with 101 babez.

Residentevil · 10/02/2024 22:46

You had an affair and you moved your affair partner in to the home that you and your husband owned together 😳. Your ex must be the most laid back, calm and reasonable person in existence. I'd have gone absolutely nuts. Well actually, I’d have refused to be the one to move out in the first place.

tenbob · 10/02/2024 22:49

Here for the deletion message…

Cherrysoup · 10/02/2024 22:51

Unhinged. You moved your dp in, then he moved his dp in, what’s the difference? Do you think she’s gonna burn down the place?

Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould · 10/02/2024 22:56

Oooooooof. Dont usually comment on ones like this, but… ooooooooof. Maybe exes new mrs is lovely and will add value….will you then be asking for more money as its gone up in value??? Oooooooof though!!!!

Treeinthesky · 10/02/2024 23:03

Tbh minus the pregnancy you are very very similar to me. Except I have 2 kids and i ain't having anymore and I've also bought my ex out. Before bought him out I was warned by the solcitor if my bf officially lived with me he had to pay rent to ex. But why isn't your new bf paying his way.

scaredofthefuture2024 · 10/02/2024 23:03

Why are you ignoring people asking why it was ok for you to move your DP in and. How that is different to your ex moving his girlfriend in?

AllAboardTootToot · 10/02/2024 23:09

fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 22:27

Well nothing, I knew my new DP I don't know his new DP and anyway my ex didn't ask for any sort of contract so that's on him I suppose!

Show quote history

I hope you have a contract or agreement for that £35k too then….

You sound like a very spiteful person, do as I say type, not as I do.

Original poster
fairycakes77 · 10/02/2024 23:11

scaredofthefuture2024 · 10/02/2024 23:03

Why are you ignoring people asking why it was ok for you to move your DP in and. How that is different to your ex moving his girlfriend in?

I did reply earlier and said it's because I know by DP and I don't know his.

It's not just about her, he could move anyone in without me knowing and that's a genuine worry

OP posts:
BigFatCat2024 · 10/02/2024 23:16

Well nothing, I knew my new DP I don't know his new DP

And he could say the same. You are being a raging hypocrite here, you didn't get his permission for the person you cheated on him with to move in, so tbh you can fuck right off with any kind of opinion on what he does now he is in the house