MIL kept our wedding gift money

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For context we are both British born Indians. My husbands family are much more traditional, can't speak english for example however I have been brought up in much more western environment. So this maybe cultural that I don't understand.

My MIL kept all the money that was given to us on our wedding.
A lot was cash placed in my lap and some given in cards. She has kept all that cash and the cards from my husbands family.
She gave me the cards from my husbands friends only (my mum had the cards from my friends & family and gave them all to me when we got back from honeymoon). But I know my husbands family gave us a lot but nothing else was given to us.

We would be talking thousands. We don't need the money but I just find it really weird.

Is this something cultural that I don't get?

People who gave you the money want you to have it. Ask mil where’s the money!!!?

My ex MIL took all the gold and jewellery that was gifted to me 😒

Colleagues of mine (in the UK) have told us that money from their Indian weddings goes to the parents to pay for the wedding, but they can keep vouchers. We then make sure we get them vouchers so that they can keep the gift.

You know this is cultural, even if you were raised in a more western way. Weird that you'd raise it on here given a majority of MNs are not going to relate. Why haven't you raised this with your family?

Not a dowry as such. They should have only kept the money in their sides cards as it was given by people that they had gifted money to previously. It's seen as their return. The money in my sides cards should have been kept by my parents. However my mother has some batshit crazy ideas and handed it over, told them to keep it so they did. My mom also told me to hand my gold over, I didn't and have to push back against her suggestions even now. Dowry wise, no one asked for anything. My parents gifted me bedroom furniture etc but that was by choice

My mom handed all of mine straight to my MIL, I soon got it back. My mom also had batshit crazy ideas like I should hand my pay packet to my inlaws.i don't know what planet is on and have to firmly rebut her nonsense!

There is no need for me to pardon my ignorance when I am seeking an understanding.
MNs has a huge wealth of knowledge about many cultural specifics and I can ask it with anonymity so as not to embarrass anyone.
If you read the replies I've had a huge number who have explained the situation perfectly. I'm so glad I asked.

My MIL did gift me lots of a gold jewellery... which is conveniently stored in my MIL bedroom! (Because it's not safe keeping it in central London apparently) It's a lot of BS show and tell to their family it seems. I don't really care for it, it's not my taste anyway.
But this thread got me thinking about a certain Kanye song lol 🎵

My boss (and most workmates) are British born Indians - Sikhs. I can ask around on Monday if you'd like.

Yet this thread has got many responses. What a pathetic and ignorant reply.

Can you explain where there was any racist comment?

I just wanted to say what an interesting thread this was. As a mixed English / Indian female who is very ignorant of her Indian background - thanks!

Save your breath, CRD67; there's only been one post deleted on this thread - though I didn't see it before it went - and that's with HQ who, to their credit, are pretty good at zapping dubious posts

Unfortunately, to some, "racism" can be code for something they'd rather wasn't discussed, and I've never been sure how that helps matters

Your husband and you need to go together and ask for your wedding money!!
I wouldn’t be happy letting this go, it sets a precedent for the future.. thinking she can take stuff that isn’t hers!

This has been a really interesting thread to read OP. I'm so glad you did post it here. Good luck with the future. X

No way! we paid for our wedding (my dad paid catering) and we got to keep all the money - all the Sagan money, card money, pre-wedding function money. if your in-laws paid for the wedding then i'd offer to pay some back - but she didn't. I offered my dad the catering money he said no. Just ask her - 'oh the money from the wedding gifts, did you keep it safe for us? perhaps we can use it for when we decide to have kids?'.

Thank you for this considered reply. I agree, that is a very important conversation that we haven't had but certainly need to. I just expect that to be the case but I have seen now it is not a given.
Especially with "maintaining culture" getting thrown in to the mix.

Is it the same as a dowry, where the wife's family give money to the husband's family? I heard that's why some cultures prefer to have boys, so they don't have to pay a dowry. That probably isn't legal in Britain though

No this isn't the same as a dowry. I didn't keep my inlaws side money in cards as they had been to weddings for years and given those people monetary gifts. So when we got married we were only given cards with money based on that. Therefore inlaws would keep it. When the cards are opened the amount is written down, Normally £20 ish. When that family marries a child you would give the equivalent back, never less. I wouldn't have kept is as I had never paid anything out to other peoples weddings plus it then absolved me from doing it going forward. That responsibility remains with my inlaws.
Dowry is pretty much phased out now, I'm in my 40s and have never seen it either in weddings here or abroad.
I think this thread has been really valuable in learning for most people around the cultural and traditional aspects of Indian weddings.

It is racist to assume that " white British" people have no knowledge or understanding of other traditions. We are a multi-racial society with am increasing number of mixed weddings. Some of us will have made an effort to know exactly what is expected of us and why when invited to British Asian weddings.

This isn't everyone's assumption. I have white British friends that know a lot about my culture because they are genuinely interested.

You’d think someone in a “multiracial society” would know better than to label a random generalisation about white people “racism”.

I have a couple of Asian friends and I live in an area most people are white British, and I wouldn't have a clue what to do at an Indian wedding. Although I know that India is a large country with many cultures itself. Such as many in Goa are Catholic.

If it was a tradition surely it would be to give them some money back for all their outlays paying for the wedding… but you paid for the wedding yourself, so that tradition doesn’t stand & you should be given the money. Your DH should discuss this with his DM himself.

Do you mean a guest offers a gift to the couple but the bride's mother gives them back he same mount in an envelope. Net result zero gift?