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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

537 replies

Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 11:49

I suspect the answer is yes IABU and normal people don't do this! Please help me understand why I am like this and what I can do to fix it.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked. I was taking my DS (1 yr) for vaccinations and parked neatly in one of many available spaces at my local surgery. Just as I was trying to get him out of his car seat with the door open, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy in his 70s or beyond starts reversing into the space I am standing in with the door open. Note that there are various other spaces even side by side which he could have gone into but no, he chose the one I was standing in with DS half out of his car seat. I waved and shouted and he stopped....then he carried on again so I screamed and shouted at him preparing to smack the back end of his car as I thought he somehow still hasn't seen me and there wasn't room for me to stand out the way. Finally he then moves off, parks opposite and walks off inside without a word.

This is where I then made a poor decision. I had to stand next to him whilst logging into their system. I was so angry and shocked at what just happened that I decided he wasn't going to get away with it, so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room. I asked him why he chose to park in the only space I was standing in when there were 6 other spaces available and he just said 'it was a space wasn't it' and he said 'you shouldn't have such a big car" I said I can have what car I like (honestly it's not big just a very basic standard budget SUV, not some enormous tank!) And I was parked responsibly in the space, it is customary to need the door open when getting a child out and unfortunately they don't have child spaces with more room and I didn't want to park in the disabled spacs as that's not for me! I'm afraid he pissed me off even more with his comment about my car so I said something I wasn't proud of along the lines of "should have gone to Specsavers because I'm not sure how you didn't see me? " Anyway of course it escalated, the receptionist tried to intervene to calm us down, and then he pushed all three of us, her most as she was inbetween him and me still holding DS. I feel totally devastated because she ended up bearing the brunt of what was obviously meant for me. Also mortified this was in front of everybody, although they were very kind. But also because I should have left it well alone as I had my son in my arms, why oh why didn't I keep my mouth firmly shut?! A miss (even a near miss!) Is as good as a mile as they say. What is wrong with me, why do I put myself and others at risk just to be right? It's like the sense of injustice takes over and fight wins over flight even when it makes common sense not to poke the hornets nest.

It's happened before. I asked someone outside my house which fronts onto a footpath to pick up their dog mess and got verbally abused and I think there are other incidents I can't remember now. Incidently I always end up a shaking blubbing emotional wreck after such incidents so why do I do it??! In my head I think I'm sticking up for myself. But it usually ends up worse for me and I feel like in taking these risks, one day I could end up with myself in serious trouble or dead doing it. How can I stop myself in future when it's almost reflexive! I know I need to control myself. Incidently my husband is the complete opposite extreme and a pacifist. He avoids conflict like the plague and never gets himself in any situations like this as a result. If there is a problem with a bill or contractor I have to deal with it. Is there a middle ground?!
Incidently my DS got his vaccines (all 4!) but it wasn't at all the calm experience I was hoping for...

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/02/2024 18:17

Your aggression is always justified, but that of others is the root cause of society’s ills. Gotcha.

As I said on page 1, you clearly think you are a lot more reasonable than you actually are. Whereas actually, you sound aggressive and quick to anger.

LadyKenya · 09/02/2024 18:19

Vivi0 · 09/02/2024 18:08

On what planet was the OP “standing up for herself”.

She approached an elderly man standing in the waiting room of a GP practice in a confrontational manner and told him he “should have gone to specsavers”.

If the man had initiated the confrontation with the OP in the waiting room, she absolutely would have been “standing up for herself” but she was 100% the aggressor in this situation. She said herself that she approached him. She had absolutely no reason to do that.

I agree.

Rhinohides · 09/02/2024 18:21

@Namechangey23 The Gentleman was quite elderly and your comment about Spec savers could be seen as demeaning to visually impaired- really hope he doesn’t wear glasses. Could it be you’re a bit of a bully? Would you have gone head to head with an another woman similar in age and build to you in a public place? Asking questions as you are asking us why you do these things but maybe you are better off asking yourself. If you think you may be a bully- perhaps seek help now because no one wants to be someone who could start a slanging match with an elderly gent 💐

icelolly12 · 09/02/2024 18:22

GP car parks are a nightmare for parking, a lot of elderly simply cannot park ime. In this situation, the guy did actually park elsewhere after you shouted in the car park, so not sure what you felt you'd get out of making a scene in the surgery? Maybe count to 10 before (over) reacting.

Ohlookwhoitis · 09/02/2024 18:25

Vivi0 · 09/02/2024 18:08

On what planet was the OP “standing up for herself”.

She approached an elderly man standing in the waiting room of a GP practice in a confrontational manner and told him he “should have gone to specsavers”.

If the man had initiated the confrontation with the OP in the waiting room, she absolutely would have been “standing up for herself” but she was 100% the aggressor in this situation. She said herself that she approached him. She had absolutely no reason to do that.

No she didn't approach him with the Specsavers comment. Have you not even read the opening OP?

so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 09/02/2024 18:27

I mean I'm with you. And after the day I've had I would have probably twatted him myself! 😂So well done you for holding back.

Catshaveiteasy · 09/02/2024 18:27

Snuggleyou · 09/02/2024 17:53

🙄

So it's fine to be passive aggressive, just not directly aggressive?

Whoops didn't quote the right post, only the previous response to it.

Why can't we have a choice to delete our posts?

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 09/02/2024 18:28

He sounds like a nasty piece of work anyway OP. Don't give it another thought.

Minfilia · 09/02/2024 18:28

I think it’s pretty common OP for that kind of defensiveness to ramp up after having a child. Call it protective instinct or whatever, but the world can suddenly feel quite different.

Picking your battles is good advice. I just mutter “dickhead” under my breath and move on now.

Maybe you feel like you have more control by biting back, but you’d have even more control of the situation if you chose to ignore and de escalate it instead.

Some people behave like idiots. You rising to it isn’t going to change that, it’s just going to stress you out more!

Snuggleyou · 09/02/2024 18:29

Catshaveiteasy · 09/02/2024 18:27

So it's fine to be passive aggressive, just not directly aggressive?

Whoops didn't quote the right post, only the previous response to it.

Why can't we have a choice to delete our posts?

Edited

Grow up I wasn’t responding to you sounds like you have anger issues of your own.

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 18:30

NotSoBigCrocodile · 09/02/2024 18:13

So you aggressively banging on your window and telling someone to “fuck off” is perfectly acceptable, but them calling you a “fucking cunt” in response is problematic.

You actually couldn’t make it up.

Holy crap!

opps!!! Tagged the wrong poster. Sorry ♥️

NotSoBigCrocodile · 09/02/2024 18:30

Ohlookwhoitis · 09/02/2024 18:25

No she didn't approach him with the Specsavers comment. Have you not even read the opening OP?

so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room

Didnt mean to quote you

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 18:31

@Lifeomars
tou really did all that to a guy who was thanking you?!?!

oh my lord….

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 18:32

NotSoBigCrocodile · 09/02/2024 18:30

Didnt mean to quote you

Edited

We both quoted the wrong people. My wrong quote was you! You then quoted the wrong person the post Uber me!

It’s like a jinx! ♥️

Catshaveiteasy · 09/02/2024 18:32

Snuggleyou · 09/02/2024 18:29

Grow up I wasn’t responding to you sounds like you have anger issues of your own.

I wasn't having a go at you! I agree with you. I quoted you when I meant to quote the original post you referred to but then couldn't delete it so tried to explain and obviously failed.

Snuggleyou · 09/02/2024 18:33

Catshaveiteasy · 09/02/2024 18:32

I wasn't having a go at you! I agree with you. I quoted you when I meant to quote the original post you referred to but then couldn't delete it so tried to explain and obviously failed.

Sorry.

daliesque · 09/02/2024 18:41

Anotherparkingthread · 09/02/2024 12:31

One day you well get your teeth kicked in and I'd imagine you wouldn't like that to happen in front of your child so perhaps seek therapy for your behaviour problems.

Yes this.
You start a fight with another patient in my dept and I'd get security to remove you and not let you back in unit out a security presence.

He might have pushed you, but you started the argument and you caused the problem. And if your ageist, nasty attitude was anything like it is on here then I don't bloody blame him for wanting to get away from you.

Cars are allowed to park next to you. If your car is too big to be in a space without encroaching on the one next to you park it at the end of a row.

NotSoBigCrocodile · 09/02/2024 18:45

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 18:32

We both quoted the wrong people. My wrong quote was you! You then quoted the wrong person the post Uber me!

It’s like a jinx! ♥️

❤️

6pence · 09/02/2024 18:45

You weren’t wrong to raise it in the waiting room but when an apology wasn’t forthcoming you should have left it rather than escalating it.

I’d have raised it as you did, but if they didn’t apologise, I’d probably have turned away with a passive aggressive “thanks for the apology” but I would have ignored any further response.

Libertysparkle · 09/02/2024 18:46

I don't think.you are in the wrong. Especially that he could have hurt your child. Just be careful cos you don't know if people have weapons.
Maybe trying some mindfulness techniques to try and de stress.

sakura06 · 09/02/2024 18:51

Pushing you is assault. Pushing the receptionist is assault. I can't believe someone would do this when you had a baby with you. What a horrible man. You should report the assault to the police.

Ohlookwhoitis · 09/02/2024 18:51

Yet another one...

He might have pushed you, but

YuleDragon · 09/02/2024 18:52

daliesque · 09/02/2024 18:41

Yes this.
You start a fight with another patient in my dept and I'd get security to remove you and not let you back in unit out a security presence.

He might have pushed you, but you started the argument and you caused the problem. And if your ageist, nasty attitude was anything like it is on here then I don't bloody blame him for wanting to get away from you.

Cars are allowed to park next to you. If your car is too big to be in a space without encroaching on the one next to you park it at the end of a row.

so whenever you get out of your car, and get something out the back seat, neither you, nor your doors ever cross the white line if the space next to you is empty?

And you wouldn't care if someone reversed towards you while you were holding your child? You'd just let them hit you/your car door and blame yourself for being in the space?

Mmhmmm, ok, sure you would.

Checken · 09/02/2024 18:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/02/2024 18:54

Anyone besides me wondering about the time between the specsavers/suv comments and the pushing?

Maybe it’s just me but the initial parking lot interaction was chock full of details but the waiting room altercation appeared to have gone from 0-60 in no time.

I’d imagine there was a lot to get the receptionist involved in the first place.

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