For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

[Namechangey23]

I suspect the answer is yes IABU and normal people don't do this! Please help me understand why I am like this and what I can do to fix it.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked. I was taking my DS (1 yr) for vaccinations and parked neatly in one of many available spaces at my local surgery. Just as I was trying to get him out of his car seat with the door open, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy in his 70s or beyond starts reversing into the space I am standing in with the door open. Note that there are various other spaces even side by side which he could have gone into but no, he chose the one I was standing in with DS half out of his car seat. I waved and shouted and he stopped....then he carried on again so I screamed and shouted at him preparing to smack the back end of his car as I thought he somehow still hasn't seen me and there wasn't room for me to stand out the way. Finally he then moves off, parks opposite and walks off inside without a word.

This is where I then made a poor decision. I had to stand next to him whilst logging into their system. I was so angry and shocked at what just happened that I decided he wasn't going to get away with it, so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room. I asked him why he chose to park in the only space I was standing in when there were 6 other spaces available and he just said 'it was a space wasn't it' and he said 'you shouldn't have such a big car" I said I can have what car I like (honestly it's not big just a very basic standard budget SUV, not some enormous tank!) And I was parked responsibly in the space, it is customary to need the door open when getting a child out and unfortunately they don't have child spaces with more room and I didn't want to park in the disabled spacs as that's not for me! I'm afraid he pissed me off even more with his comment about my car so I said something I wasn't proud of along the lines of "should have gone to Specsavers because I'm not sure how you didn't see me? " Anyway of course it escalated, the receptionist tried to intervene to calm us down, and then he pushed all three of us, her most as she was inbetween him and me still holding DS. I feel totally devastated because she ended up bearing the brunt of what was obviously meant for me. Also mortified this was in front of everybody, although they were very kind. But also because I should have left it well alone as I had my son in my arms, why oh why didn't I keep my mouth firmly shut?! A miss (even a near miss!) Is as good as a mile as they say. What is wrong with me, why do I put myself and others at risk just to be right? It's like the sense of injustice takes over and fight wins over flight even when it makes common sense not to poke the hornets nest.

It's happened before. I asked someone outside my house which fronts onto a footpath to pick up their dog mess and got verbally abused and I think there are other incidents I can't remember now. Incidently I always end up a shaking blubbing emotional wreck after such incidents so why do I do it??! In my head I think I'm sticking up for myself. But it usually ends up worse for me and I feel like in taking these risks, one day I could end up with myself in serious trouble or dead doing it. How can I stop myself in future when it's almost reflexive! I know I need to control myself. Incidently my husband is the complete opposite extreme and a pacifist. He avoids conflict like the plague and never gets himself in any situations like this as a result. If there is a problem with a bill or contractor I have to deal with it. Is there a middle ground?!
Incidently my DS got his vaccines (all 4!) but it wasn't at all the calm experience I was hoping for...

I need to find a way to stop and think first. Someone said count to 10 so i guess practice mindfulness?! Also to remind myself I cannot control other people's behaviour, only my own. Also to deal with adrenaline, not so clear on that, maybe Beta blockers?! Aside from that learn some de-escalation techniques in case..? Change car to a mini and give way to reversing cars as a pedestrian. Ok I'm joking on the last one.

That's quite the backpedal from your OP.

That old man had been waiting ALL DAY to have a tussle in a drs waiting room no doubt because MEN GRRRR 🙄

Your posts are ridiculous, dramatic and ott. OPs child is not going to grow up to batter everyone in his path because he witnessed his mother standing up for herself a few times.

YANBU OP. This exact situation happened to my bil and nephew. He was getting him out of his car seat and another car started reversing in (over the dividing line) and hit the open door pinning them both, but still kept reversing. Me and my sister were screaming at the driver to stop and go forward.

She then realised what she had done and tore out of the carpark going very fast.

Thankfully nephew had no injuries but bil had bad bruising all down his side. He also needed a new car door as it was bent.

The woman was lucky she left so quickly, I was white hot with rage.

I agree, but if you are hot headed it can be very difficult not to react, the anger leaps up instantly and boils over before you have chance to stop it. If you are a small woman fear of getting your arse kicked will probably stop you thumping someone, a large athletic man doesnt have that fear and that's why men turn into tyrants more readily than women do.
I am not condoning the actions of hot heads and I notice that now I'm older (late 50's) I dont react like I used to, the volcano is now dormant!

Therapy would work for anger management

the first line shouldn’t be medication because many things like that can be sorted without it nowadays

Get a ginkel instead 😁

@Namechangey23

So you don't think you have anger management issues but you suspect you were being unreasonable and want help to see why you are behaving this way in situations?

Wow I'm raising a danger to all women look out. And I have two of them! Future monsters. Seriously though I don't want to model bad behaviour to them, I want them to be well adjusted individuals who champion women (and other men!).

And you are ridiculous for enabling poor behaviour. I bet you're angry too 😅.

In fairness OP could be a tall and sturdy woman and this could be a little old skinny man who felt threatened, if it's about size and strength.

Well, just carry on as you are then 🤷‍♀️.

Why do you keep making up lies on this thread?

No indeed, how patronising. Around half the posters are endorsing and applauding OPs self reflection.

Nobody is trying to wind up someone who gets inflamed easily I don't think. Maybe a small minority who like that kind of thing but that's MN for you.

I think you just need to practice not getting angry at the minor things. I ne er get road rage for example. People can be as stupid as they wish to be, as long as I'm not actually hit.

People generally are pretty thick and selfish unfortunately. I don't know what I'd have done re the reversing car as you couldn't have avoided it. But he's probably unsafe on the road. Maybe think of non open ended statements to not enter conversations if you can.

And that'll be you one day.

You said yourself you're very sarcastic. One day you might trap off to the wrong person in front of your child and get a punch in the mouth.

🙄

I've said I was hoping for an apology and to make him aware of what he'd done

But again, he was already aware if what he'd done, and addressing him in the way you did (confrontingly, sarcastically and publically) was never going to result in an apology, because people in his situation will have an adrenaline response too... to being confronted in that manner.

But you do want to change how you respond, so I hope you find something that works for you.
And your kids to need to see you reacting calmly to this stuff. Yes, they need to see you standing up for yourself, but in situations where it's necessary (and this wasn't) and in a calm but firm way, so that they learn that kind of response.

Good luck. I'm sure there's a strategy out there that will work for you.

You say your husband @Namechangey23 is incredibly sedate, thus you're perhaps comparing yourself to him unfavourably, and setting yourself an impossible standard. Its perfectly normal to get annoyed sometimes!
You went way over the top with the guy in the surgery though. Telling him he nearly hit you, and to be more vigilant in future, would've been enough. Reminding yourself to be mindful, and to make your point and then walk away, will help.

On what planet was the OP “standing up for herself”.

She approached an elderly man standing in the waiting room of a GP practice in a confrontational manner and told him he “should have gone to specsavers”.

If the man had initiated the confrontation with the OP in the waiting room, she absolutely would have been “standing up for herself” but she was 100% the aggressor in this situation. She said herself that she approached him. She had absolutely no reason to do that.

So you aggressively banging on your window and telling someone to “fuck off” is perfectly acceptable, but them calling you a “fucking cunt” in response is problematic.

You actually couldn’t make it up.

I can be quite "fiesty" too, so I sort of see where you are coming from, although I'm too reserved to have started on someone in front of everybody in the doctor's surgery.

I know some posters called out the person who said about mentioning the concerning driving to the receptionist. I probably would have done that too, although I am quite militant about dangerous older drivers from personal experience in my family. I wish someone outside of the family had called out that person. If he had to be warned twice about reversing and there was no way for you to safely get out of the way and he kept coming, then that is dangerous, negligent driving and worthy of drawing attention to.