To be upset my mum wants to get my wedding photos edited?

[riotlady]

I got married a couple of years ago and we had a really lovely photographer who is old friends with my husband so kindly gave us a discount (still not cheap though, obviously!) and we were really happy with the results.

My parents don’t like having photos up in the house but asked us for a photobook which I said I would sort out, but now they’ve changed their mind and said they want to send a our wedding photos to a family member to edit them for them. Apparently he’s already done one for them to make it “better”, which feels a little rude to be honest. Family member has a photography style that I don’t really enjoy (a little cheesy if that makes sense- the sort where he’ll put everything in black and white but leave a little girls dress pink) whereas our photographer was more of a natural documentary style.

Fair enough that it’s not my parents style and not what they would have chosen, but they’re my wedding pictures and I really like them! It feels a bit disrespectful to our photographer and to us. Initially I said yes that’s fine (as I usually do with my mum) but now I feel quite reluctant about it. Not sure if I’m being precious and I should let them get on with it or if it’s a fair thing to object to.

Believe it or not they’re actually really busy people! Both work, do loads of DIY, very active social lives.

I suppose the crux of my issue is that it doesn’t feel like they’re proud of me. It feels like me and my choices are not up to snuff.

I don’t mind them doing whatever they like with photos they’ve taken. They’ve got a couple of nice ones of us all before we left their house (I got ready there)

I suppose the crux of my issue is that it doesn’t feel like they’re proud of me. It feels like me and my choices are not up to snuff.
why can’t you see that people have different tastes. That’s all it appears to be. It doesn’t mean mums not proud, she just likes a different style.

I get that people have different tastes, but when it’s someone else’s wedding pictures I think maybe I’d just cope with it not being my taste? They had their wedding and their pictures the way they wanted them, it just feels sort of intrusive to insist that our wedding pictures have to be their taste too. They’re not even going up in their house, my mum doesn’t like displaying photos.

I should add she had heavily implied our photos are bad and “look like something she could have taken” (having been the subject of many of her photos I can definitely confirm this is not the case lol)

The question is you have already said yes. Do you want to make an issue of this by now saying no? Only you know if this issue is worth any bad feeling.

Are you friends with your mates, wifes' mother on Facebook then?

Unless she uses them in a public post, he still won't find out.

I suppose the crux of my issue is that it doesn’t feel like they’re proud of me. It feels like me and my choices are not up to snuff.

I genuinely don't understand why her not liking the style of your wedding photos would mean she's not proud of you or doesn't approve of your choices

They don't want to look at your photos because they don't like them. They are sending them to a family member to make more to their cheesy taste in Photoshop.

No contract will forbid this. A contract would likely prohibit reproduction for commercial use in whole or in part, but what they're proposing isn't that.

You give someone photos they can cut all your faces out and turn it into a collage of they want. You're not giving them the photos so you can like them

I get that people have different tastes, but when it’s someone else’s wedding pictures I think maybe I’d just cope with it not being my taste? They had their wedding and their pictures the way they wanted them, it just feels sort of intrusive to insist that our wedding pictures have to be their taste too. They’re not even going up in their house, my mum doesn’t like displaying photos.

Iunderstand what you mean. I think in your shoes I would pick my battles, especially as youve already said yes and also they are not being displayed.

Ihave a highly critical mother and for decades I felt like nothing was good enough from my weight, my hand writing, the way i spoke, the way i parented, the list goes on and on. I’ve learned to roll my eyes and remember that there’s not many things in life that truly matter. This won’t be helpful but I normally say to myself’ we will all be dead before we know it and no one will care about…….( what ever the issue is)’

I wonder if you by "natural documentary style" you mean they went round taking non posed shots then I have some sympathy if she's wanting to edit to get a more formal traditional one, even more so if she asked if it was possible to have one done and you refused.

When we were looking at photographers we had one that called his selection "natural" and roughly as far as I can tell he went round like anyone else taking snaps, but charging three times the price of any of the other photographers. I honestly could see no difference in the samples he took than what we got from people who sent us pictures.
One of the pictures he was clearly most proud of had the bride and groom laughing with friends. Only thing was you could only see the back of the bride and the groom was partially hidden by someone else walking across the frame carrying drinks. He kept going back to it and telling us how well framed it was...

I mean the pictures were probably a nice recollection of the day, but not one was the sort you'd display as your son/daughter getting married.

Did you, for example, have any taken just with your parents with bride and groom? I suspect that sort of thing is what they want.

Yes we took some traditional group shots (including us with parents, grandparents etc) as I knew older family members would want them. There’s some lovely ones of my dad walking me down the aisle too which are quite special to me.

We had someone send us their portfolio like this, they were awful, some were clearly in a car park and they were worse than amateur, I think he was the “I’ve got a (relatively) expensive camera so that’ll do” camp

Urrrrgh I hate that style of making everything black and white and then just having a dress or flowers or whatever bright pink. It is sooooooo naff and dated

She can’t alter the original digital snaps. No way, but if it’s just copies she’s after, then let her crack on. Bit weird but 🤷‍♀️

I'm divorced and kept the wedding photo's for my son in case he wants them in future but i dread to think what editing would have been done, I bet i'd have been edited out or an emoticon added to my face lol x

My DH is a photographer, one or two pics he’d turn a blind eye to copyright infringement anymore he’d object.

Oh dear, does she want the ones that were burned onto the dvd that must have been in the same place as the photographers contract that got mislaid in the house move………… they are probably somewhere, you just haven’t come across them yet.

I think that's cheeky of your parents really but if they are paying for their own edits, I'd be inclined to let them get on with it.
But they should check out any copyright issues before doing do. Don't let that become your problem.

I feel that this one particular issue is a useful insight into your relationship, OP.

It is rude and controlling of your mum, and I can understand why you're upset. The key is how you have responded - said yes to begin with and then felt upset.

So the photos issue may not seem that significant to others but it does to you because I think it signifies there are things in the relationship that you may want to consider more deeply.

My son is disabled so it is extremely hard to get a nice photo of him. We went to my cousin's wedding a few years ago. The photographer at the wedding took all of the usual photos but she was also just taking random photos throughout the day. When we saw the photos from the before the ceremony started when we were all just sitting there waiting for it to start we saw a lovely photo of my son. She managed to get a photo of him looking at the camera, without his fingers in his ears and smiling. The first really nice photo we have of him. But I was sat next to him, not knowing my the photo was being taken so I looked horrible. There were also other guests in the photo, some who I didn't know. So I edited everyone else out so it was just photo of my son. My cousin didn't care less that I edited the photo. She was just happy that her photographer managed to take such a lovely photo and that I finally had a nice photo of my son.

I don't see a problem as they are photos for her home. Dd1 sent me digital copies of her wedding photos and I did crop them, tint them etc. I didn't ask her and she hasn't made any comments except she's pleased I have some of her wedding photos on display. Both my Dds had non traditional photographers eg a lovely photo of my 4 dc off to the left so the stately home behind it is centre stage!

That was the style of both my dds' photographers. It was really difficult to find photos I could display.

Wow! My MiL just changed my drawers around eg knives where my spoons had been, tea towels in the second not the third drawer etc and I was furious enough.

You don't have to lie about contracts etc - just tell her you don't want your wedding pictures altered as you like them as they are. I think it's really rude of her to ask!

Wtf