To really not understand baby led weaning?

[Leavetowean]

I’ve been trying it with my baby (with some trepidation) but I really can’t understand at all how they are meant to not choke.

She just gagged and vomited on some food because she obviously took it straight to the back of her throat as she hasn’t got any teeth to chew it.

I feel like it’s a massive step back for us. I’m really not enjoying the weaning journey one bit, I find it so stressful (and no she isn’t picking up on my stress) but AIBU to think the whole let them eat what you eat just doesn’t work for some babies? What am I missing?

My two DC now aged 11 and 12 are not at all fussy compared to their peers. I spent many hours letting them play with food during weaning and the toddler years. I avoided traditional kids food, a chicken nugget has never crossed the threshold, they just ate what we ate. A mum I respected said if they average one small meal of normal food a day at that age you are doing well, and my mother-in-law always said you need to try something at least 12 times to get used to it so I persevered and I swear it paid off. The river cottage baby cook book was good as it had family meals in it.

At that age solids aren't supposed to be 'a feed', they're just a taste and texture experience, not a lot is necessarily supposed to go in. Just keep offering a variety of foods with no pressure or expectations and see how it goes.

My DS2 was similar at first. He was super enthusiastic about food but had no teeth (still now has only just cut his first one at 8 months), he just couldn’t seem to physically manage the food very well in his mouth. He vomited dramatically after gagging on more than one occasion. We did (and are doing) a mix of mashed up foods, like lumpy purées, and finger food. He mostly has what we eat but prepared to suit him. Like many others I recommend Solid Starts for this. We persevered with it and only over the last couple of weeks has he grasped the chewing and swallowing and seems to be getting lots more down. He’s stopped gagging now and it’s much easier. Some of them just take a while longer to get to grips with it. They definitely can chew with their gums though. Wishing you an easier journey very soon!!

I felt super anxious about this too and couldn’t bear to give my baby anything other than purées. At almost 9 months she decided that wasn’t enough anymore and would scream if I tried to feed her, so I was forced to give her things to eat herself. I’ve been absolutely amazed at how well she’s taken to it. Only a month later I would feel confident giving her almost anything. It will get easier with time, don’t rush into anything you don’t feel comfortable with and also massively recommend Solid Starts to help serve food correctly.
I also get a lot of recipes from instagram, nothing massively fancy just things like little muffins, fritters, etc. I’m quite enjoying it now!

I haven’t really done any recipes. She eats such tiny amounts it seems pointless, just had bits of things like avocado, pear and so on?

I hadn’t at your stage either. I was just doing pouches and bits of veg, like you. I was super stressed and overwhelmed by it. I even cried a lot thinking I was behind and letting her down. It suddenly just became easier and she would eat more, when she got to almost 9 months. Hang in there!

I did a mix of BLW and some softer food with both of mine.
DS ate up everything presented to him (with a fair bit of mess) and DD took until 12-16months before she really got into food. She just didn't seem that fussed for a long time.
But it's about exposure. Think of the food as a toy for her right now. She's exploring it and seeing what she can do with it.
There will be lots of waste and mess. It's a process. An infuriating process 😂

I did exactly the same. My DD is a wonderful eater. I always gave her the option of a puree and finger foods with each meal so she developed the motor skills etc but also I could be sure she had a good meal rather than not knowing if she'd actually eaten with the finger foods. She always chose the puree first. Now she's 15mo and eats our meals, no puree in sight. That's BLW to me, she's also not fussy, other than not liking raw spinach, salad and yoghurt. But we can't all like everything.

Ideally BLW involves hardly any thought or work on your part - I always interpreted it as eg make myself some toast and cut a chunk off and put it on the tray of the highchair. If eaten, a chunk more, if not, well it’s not like I went to any great effort or it’s a great loss.

Making dinner, put a few pieces of pasta or pieces of veg on the tray. And so on. At least at first, just let them play with the food and maybe decide to eat it. But just what you’re making anyway! Otherwise of course it’s expensive and stressful. But an extra potato or handful of pasta isn’t.

i tried BLM with my little one when he turned 6 months and found that he’s only recently really started showing a proper interest in food (he’s 8 months on the 23rd).

For the first week he wasn’t interested at all. Then the next few weeks or so he would put food in his mouth and suck it a bit but didn’t swallow much or chew. He spat puree out too.

When he turned 7 months he definitely became more interested and would chew a lot more, but it’s probably the last week when I’ve noticed him properly swallowing.

I give him a mix of food that I feed him (puree, porridge, rice/pasta type meals) and finger food that he can feed himself!

I wanted to give up in the first few weeks but I’m glad I stuck with it. It just takes time. They don’t have big stomachs so aren’t expected to eat much anyway!

I highly recommend sticks of soft boiled courgette as a finger food (as an accompaniment to a puree). Both of mine shovelled it in, with all the water dripping everywhere. Quite revolting! But it does help get your confidence up!!

I couldn’t get away with it either. My youngest was not interested in food placed in front of her in the slightest and it ended up all over the floor or down her.

She has a very healthy appetite now a few years later.

I heard a saying which I believe is true that ‘food before one is just for fun’ I wouldn’t let it worry me

I hated baby weaning. Was always terrified of choking. So I used to chop things really small so they couldn’t obstruct the airway even if swallowed whole. Also ‘food is for fun before one.’ Mantra is a good one to remember. It doesn’t matter if any actually gets into her stomach it’s just getting her used to hand to mouth and gumming on the food.

But yeah… it’s a not fun, long process imo. But I am the type that will be cutting my 16 year olds grapes so maybe I’m not the best example.

I did BLW for breakfast and lunch, and a puree and finger food at dinner time. Started actually eating at 10 months. Felt like a waste of time until then but v quickly got into it at 10 months and by then my confidence had improved loads and I'd tried all the allergens with him so it worked well in the end. Started around 7 months

If it helps OP, I’m going to admit I was the “heavily reliant on shop-bought purée” mum that everyone on MN looks down on so much - at 7 months she’d eat maybe a couple of teaspoons of something super smooth, and now at 14 months she devours whatever you give her like a wood chipper.

They don’t

they all gag and play and spit out in the beginning

your baby is 7 months. She’s not chewing with her gums because she hasn’t learned how yet. Granted some will get it faster than others, but your baby sounds no different to my baby.

BLW is about exploring tastes and textures. Learning how to chew, learning what to do when you have an obstruction in your mouth. It doesn’t mean they polish off a baby bowl of pasta at 8 months old.

puree just fills their tummies with low calorie fruit mush. They get all they need from milk. They don’t need to eat a proper meal. If they are breastfed then iron drops are recommended, but if they are on formula then that is a complete food.

my BLW baby who never had purées only started eating proper meals at 12 months, 6 months after we started weaning.

I think if you and your baby both aren’t enjoying it then it’s just not for you and that’s fine! Maybe give both of you some
time off and then try again when she’s showing some interest? Food is meant to just be for fun in the first year so getting stressed is the exact opposite of what you want!

Some tips I learned when weening mine

1. Is she sitting properly ? If she’s still a bit iffy with sitting she might struggle eating solids and choke more. For me BLW only started to work properly at almost 8 months because my kid wasn’t sitting straight.

2. Are her legs supported? Dangling legs can be distracting for them (can you enjoy your meal while half sliding off a bar stool ?) and a proper, correctly adjusted high chair with a leg board worked best.

3. There are spoons made specifically for babies to use themselves. Ezpz makes some but I’ve seen cheaper dupes too.

4. Buy a silicone whiskey ice cube tray and freeze homemade purées. If your baby doesn’t like some, you can just add it to sauces and soups for flavour. If you don’t have any equipment then a hand blender is enough to make a purée (just add some boiled water).

5. For the first few months I ate at least one meal a day with my baby without using a fork - just ate with my hands and used a spoon for porridge etc. I think this made the biggest progress for us.

6. Only give a few things at a time so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and start with single veg purées. If she doesn’t like something offer it again some days later. Their preferences change all the time. Just because she didn’t like it last week doesn’t mean she won’t love it this week.

Shes barely past 6 months!

A lot of babies takes ages to get going properly with solids. Give her until at least 8 or 9 months and try some soft spoon foods too. Doesn't have to be purees, just things like yoghurt, softly cooked mince or shredded chicken, tuna.

Breast milk is really nutrient dense, in early weaning its important to give good sources of protein, fat etc and not just low calorie veg and fruit.

Oh and theres a massivd variety in how ready kids are for food.

By 9 months DS would have polished off a bowl of macaroni pasta with bolognese sauce. He never gagged on any thing.

DD took much longer to actually eat properly, more gagging etc at first. She was simply less ready.

It’s not a parenting fad. It’s been around for decades. Works for some, not for others. But it’s not a fad.

I hated BLW so we haven’t done it. Started with purées and gradually built up to more solid foods. Baby is now 8 months and eats anything I put in front of her, some purées, mashed foods, small pieces and some finger foods (very soft broccoli e.g). BLW is everywhere these days so you feel like it’s the right way to do it but the old fashioned way worked best for us! It’s also way less messy.

OP, some babies just can't cope with chewing as early as others. Mine was one of them, to the extent that I wondered if he would ever learn to chew! It was purees and things like chips and carrot cake (that he could sort of suck) for months!

Gagging and vomiting isn't choking, she's learning and will get better

Oh come on, you can't expect the OP to deal with vomit at every meal! Or a nursery or childminder! Babies can either do it or they can't. If they can't you wait until they get the hang of it.

I suspect that if my son had not gone to nursery and seen other children eating normally he'd still be having purees now

they all gag and play and spit out in the beginning

but they don't, that's the point. In my NCT group we all met up for the first birthdays. My son was the only one out of 8 babies who couldn't cope eating cake (I mentioned him sucking on cake in my post above but that was later).

I remember weaning being quite stressful for DC1 but with DC2 it's been quite straightforward. We gave DC2 the same as we/DC1 were having - half in the blender and half on the highchair to mouth and chew.