To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

The problem is as well, he hasn't actually done anything yet, it's all talk at the minute, for all everyone here knows, he may decide to offer his daughter some or all of it, or decide to give it to OP, he could just be being an awkward twat because he can, dragging his name through the mud for something he hasn't even done yet is quite problematic.

It could work to guilt him into giving her the money or if he's as selfish as he sounds it could make him dig his heels in, he's already being called an absolute bastard so he may as well be one.

I'm not sure how he could sleep at night, knowing that the critical illness cover is to make sure you're provided for in your last months of life and provide security for those left behind, legal or not he would be stealing that money from OP and her family, so there's still time for him to do the right thing.

Oh OP, of course YANBU. I've never met this man and loathe the amoral fucker with a passion already. How much of the mortgage is left to pay, just out of interest?

I hope there is a solicitor presently dealing with family law on here who can help. I did some family work but I am now retired. I believe if there was no order dismissing further claims made at the time of your divorce you may still be able to apply to the court for an order to have all of the insurance money for the benefit of you and your daughter. The famous case point this point is Dale Vince's first wife. They ha an amicable divorce where no financial orders were made or claims dismissed as they had no assets at that tie. When he was wealthy many years later she asked for a lump sum and got one (though smaller than she wanted) You need to see a solicitor and take anything from your divorce papers you still have with you. I'm really sorry to hear of your health situation, the whole situation is grim and you can do without this arsehole making it worse. With positive thoughts from me.

Hmm, I'm thinking that in light of the fact he seems unlikely to relinquish his half, widespread media coverage is probs the last thing OP should want. He'll be straight on here reading the thread and it'll give him a heads up that she might not give him his half.

This then allows him to start calling the insurance company and doing his best to ensure she doesn't break the terms - he'll have this thread as concrete proof of her possible intent to renague on the terms!

This man is so evil, I just can't get over it. He'd rather have 30k than his relationship with his daughter. Not to mention where is his empathy for the OP?

OP this is situation is truly awful, my heart goes out to you and your family. This may be completely mad but I think I would consider breaking the law and not giving him the money in this situation....might it be worth exploring what's the worst that could happen if you did this?? Would he be able to get a court order to force you or your family to return it? What if you gave his half to the local donkey sanctuary....could he force the money to be returned in this sort of scenario..?

What a horrible, selfish, nasty man op. I really feel for you. Your daughter should be supported from every angle possible, knowing what she is going to face this year, and a bit of money to ease the pressure off of her while she finds her feet at uni, and in the future, would enhance her live immeasurably. How her father can do this, and basically steal from his own flesh and blood, is beyond me. Does the insurance policy state anywhere that the money has to pay off the outstanding mortgage? There must be a loophole somewhere to stop him getting his greedy hands on this money.

House insurance night have legal cover?

Have you read the actual wording of the insurance policy? I'm sure that most would settle the mortgage first, then any balance left over is divided. Otherwise why is it called a 'mortgage insurance' policy?

because it pays out the remaining balance on your mortgage, so it varies depending on how much you still owe. It gets paid to the policy holder/s though so they can choose to use the money for anything they need it for at the time, you don't have to pay off the mortgage with it.

It will also be her daughter going through it

Let the OP get proper legal advice

None of us except any lawyers on here have a clue

Most posters on here seem to be ignoring what I said earlier (and at least one other poster said too) that the bank or building society might have taken out an assignment over the policy. Either the insurance company or the bank/building society should be able to confirm this.

He really is a Grade A c*nt, isn't he? I've known a few men like this. No moral scruples whatsoever, even for his own kids. Probably a psychopath.

Same. Fuck that guy.

If you can't pay off the mortgage with the payout then the house will have to be sold or someone else will need to take over the mortgage anyway, so maybe think about putting your DH on the deeds as tenants in common then leave your majority portion to your children. That way the house is safe, the children will still get something, and your ex will get fuck all.

And stop paying into the insurance policy.

Do you have life insurance? As that will pay off your mortgage now

I fucking hate him too, OP!!

Absolutely this.

I used to work/run a Claims dept for a life insurance company. These policies are taken out on a joint life basis but usually assigned to the mortgage company.

That’s why it decreases alongside the mortgage - it’s designed to pay off the mortgage and that’s why it’s assigned. It stops people frittering the money away instead of paying the mortgage.

Its 100% worth checking carefully.

Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but don’t assume it will get paid into your account automatically. Every insurer I’ve worked for requires confirmation of where the payment should be sent to, countersigned by both policy holders.

I’m racking my brains to think of anything else that might help you.

Oh also, that thing he told you about needing to know asap or it won’t be paid at all? Absolute bollocks. Don’t let him manipulate you - he’s lying through his teeth.

I’m so fucking sorry he’s doing this to you and your DD. I really hope that a solicitor finds a loophole.

I would also absolutely pay off the mortgage the minute the money hit my account. That was what you both signed up for and agreed when you took out the policy together. Let him try to sue, chances are he won’t bother once he has to pay out in legal fees.

Plus - doesn't defamation only apply if what is said is untrue?

(I'm not a lawyer and it probably shows . . . )

She hasn’t said anything that defames him. Her post is factual. He’s claiming half a policy just because he can, with no thought for the fact that he hasn’t contributed and doesn’t give a shit about the OP or his DD’s welfare. How exactly is that defamatory ?

Which is why several people, including myself have suggested she post in legal if she needs fast legal advice.

And, as has been said before, check out if you had a clean break agreement when you divorced. It could be the difference between him being entitled to a payout or not.

Wrong. He didn’t try to have his name taken off, he tried to get OP to cancel the policy altogether.

He'll look like a man putting his legal right to the money above ensuring that his daughter has a mortgage free home.

Sometimes enforcing your legal right is obviously morally wrong 💁

I'm genuinely sympathetic, OP, and would feel pretty hard done by myself in this situation.

However, the reality is that emotions aside he appears to be entitled to his share and you signed a contract agreeing to this. It's now a joint interest much like how individual assets become family assets once married.

To play devil's advocate, imagine you were divorcing a man and he started saying "sod the divorce ruling, that's mine so keep your hands off." You'd probably say "sorry mate, I'm going with what the lawyer says." Maybe he's digging his heels in because he doesn't like being told what to do with his monetary entitlement.

In fact, there was a fairly recent thread where the OP had been supported by her husband whilst studying. She'd lived in his house whilst he single handedly paid the mortgage. She was saying she didn't want a share of the house as it wasn't hers, but replies on here were ranging from "wait and see what the solicitors say" to "take what you're entitled to". A similar approach is often taken to inheritances - it's all joint money now.

Also, if your daughter won the lottery tomorrow and your ex got made redundant and risked losing his job/house, would you sacrifice some of your money 'because he needs it more'?