Rise above or Rub it in

[CloudStra]

I've been dealing with DH jealous ex wife for quite some time now. She writes things on FB about me and DH, our house and cars etc. My husband is a high earner and she is totally obsessed with what we are doing and the fact she doesn't have access to his money anymore. She constantly complains about her own finances in comparison and how unfair it all is despite receiving a large settlement upon divorce which she also lies about.

I'm at the point that I want to actually give her something to moan about! Is it spiteful and petty if I do a bit of social media bragging (not usually my style) just to piss her off?

Yes, there is quite a difference in lifestyles and I'm certain this is her biggest issue, because all she talks about is what we have and how much DH earns (she doesn't actually know how much he earns anymore and would probably have a nose bleed if she did) There seems to be an ongoing feeling of entitlement, if he has this then so should I type of attitude.
I don't think she is struggling anymore so than most, but I can't be sure. We do know she was reckless with the divorce settlement as she is in rented rather than being a homeowner even though she received enough to put a very hefty deposit down on a house and pay back a tiny mortgage, but she chose to spend it instead. A chunk going on a lavish wedding. Her own poor choices have made her hard up now if she is.

50/50 doesn’t mean no one should pay anything. As if he’s paying for half of everything!

I would suggest you go to child support calculator. If my husband and I got divorced and he had the kids 50% of the time he would still have to pay me £1000. She should file a claim.

@CloudStra why's he not paying maintenance for his children? If he earns so much she'd have a nose bleed, then he needs to pay even if it's 50/50 custody.

Then think about it this way. Imagine being the person who's gone to a considerable length of inventiveness to get under someone else's skin. So much so, that she's troubled to devise ingenious ways of ensuring her SM content finds its way to your eyes despite the fact that you've blocked her access to your account.

This is quite some level of investment. I can't imagine anything would do more to piss off that person than the targets of her angst cracking on with their own lives, completely oblivious to her existence.

Respond in any way and all you're doing is giving her the satisfaction of achieving exactly the effect she intended. Why do it?

Not quite sure what DH's 'friend' is about, either, but this person needs forcibly telling to quit with the stirring and stop sharing her nonsense. Make it clear that they, too, will be blocked otherwise.

If ex finds herself unable to find her target when she fires these shots, she'll soon stop. If you respond you'll only encourage her.

For the same reason she doesn't pay maintenance. They live with us. DH and his ex have been through court multiple times regarding the children and neither was ever ordered to pay maintenance. As an aside, whilst it is legally 50/50 the kids are spending increasingly more time with us and have outright said they would like to have the arrangements changed, so this will most likely end up in court again. DH wouldn't go after her for maintenance in this event because he isn't a scumbag, even though he legally could.
My DH pays for all of their uniform, buys them their new trainers and coats, pays for all the extra curricular activities, haircuts, pocket money, school lunches, school trips, puts money into the kids savings accounts each month, she outright refuses to do any of these things. So if anyone isn't pulling their weight it is her. She was awarded a small spousal allowance during the divorce which became null and void upon her remarriage.

She has said some seriously evil things, most it is untrue
Most of it? What was true?

Sadly OP, you don't seem to realise that you're not actually showing your husband in very good light. You said that he was away a lot and that's probably why she decided to divorce. Could he be another of those fathers who are all too happy to not be around the kids when they are small and hard work, leaving mum to cope on her own whilst he doesn't hear her pleas for help but comes divorce and suddenly he is dad of the year, wanting 50% share care, and of course it has nothing at all to do with not wanting to give her any maintenance. Afforded a top barrister to claim his case.

Now offering a great lifestyle to the kids so they want to be there more often but of course, the gentleman that he is won't claim maintenance from her.....

I foresee you claiming that she tons of help when the kids from small from her mum, wonderful MIL, brothers and sisters and grand parents.....

Well you've just jumped to 101 conclusions!

She was well aware of the nature of his work before they got married and had the kids. She was more than happy to reap the benefits and lifestyle his salary afforded her, going on wild shopping sprees and maxing out credit cards. DH was not happy to not be around the kids all the time when they were small, he is a very affectionate father and loves his kids more than anything. This is one of the things that I found attractive in him actually.

Oddly enough it was her who paid for a barrister during the hearings.

He is not 'now' offering a great lifestyle to the kids. He has ALWAYS done that.

The fact remains that it's only after the divorce that he suddenly found he could give his kids 50% of his time, conveniently. Or maybe you look after them when he is still earning all his money, in which case, he is hardly seeing them any more often, so it still comes back down to not paying maintenance.

He clearly isn't offering a better lifestyle to his children 50% of the time when they are with their mum.

I gave all sympathy for dads fighting for 50% of care WHEN they were indeed providing 50% of it during the marriage. Not so much for those who did very little during that time, even if all benefited from the money earned then.

@CloudStra could you not just tell the mutual "friend" aka shit stirrer that you're not interested and to stop sensing screenshots???

Again you are jumping to unfounded conclusions. He didn't suddenly find he could have them half the time. Whilst still married he had been in the process of setting into motion the means to go self employed, this was happening toward the end of their relationship (he didn't know how close to the end it was at the time) Whilst they had been not getting on very well (arguments about her maxing out credit cards each month and wanting to adopt etc) he wasn't unexpecting it when she suddenly left with the kids...he came home to an empty house and was not able to see them at all for weeks on end. Immediate court action ensued and 50/50 was awarded. He received a large payout from his company and didn't need to work for the first year after the divorce so was able to set up the business and look after the kids. I didn't come onto the scene until a year after that. Thankfully, the business has been successful (after being loss making for the first couple of years) and he has more time available than most people now.
So I wholeheartedly believe she still regrets her rash decision, because she can't use him as a cash cow anymore and he has flourished without her. I've purposely left out a lot of details as you never know on here, but its quite obvious there was no real love there on her part. She views men as sperm donors and wallets, that is how her current husband is being treated too and the poor bugger doesn't have much to himself.

He clearly isn't offering a better lifestyle to his children 50% of the time when they are with their mum.

And nor should he!! It is not his responsibility to keep his ex wife living in the lifestyle she became accustomed to. She literally stole his kids away because he confiscated a credit card. She received a six figure settlement and wasted it. That is her problem. Should my DH fund an irresponsible shopaholic? I don't think so. The disparity between the two households is vast (due to my input too) but they are by no means living in squalor whilst with their mum, which is becoming less and less. Of course we get accused of the kids preferring it here because of materialism, that is her go to excuse actually, when in reality they prefer it here because she is a bitter and twisted user and not a particularly nice person to be around. Comments such as 'I will have party when your dad dies' etc aren't exactly winning her any popularity points.

You are contradicting yourself now. You said that the reason for the marriage breakup was that he was away most of the time.

The story as you describe seems full of events that fits his situation perfectly.

Just happened to decide to give up his job to go self-employed when the marriage is going sour.

Just happened to also get a very good pay out at the perfect time. Sets up a business but has suddenly plenty of time for his kids.

You don't care about her yet you are full of disdain for her as your last message shows. You are interested by looking at what that 'friend' shows often enough to have much evidence of many lies.

I get the feeling that your DH has given you the perfect narrative to paint her as money craving witch whilst he is this perfect dad who always had his kids best interests in mind with no animosity towards his ex. Right! Quite standard really!

Ultimately of course it's very possible I indeed got it totally wrong and he is indeed an amazing selfless dad whose circumstances have just been extremely fortunate for him and the children. I hope that's the case indeed and in the meantime, stop focusing on her and tell the friend to stop fuelling trouble by sharing things.

Why on earth would you bother? Just get on with your own life & don’t get involved in silly stuff like this.

Why not? You clearly love the idea the woman is jealous of you, so you'll be positively gleeful I'm sure if you're able to provoke even more of a reaction from her. You could of course instead reflect on why, if you're so fortunate to have this amazing life, you have the time or inclination to need it affirmed by another woman's jealousy. But you wouldn't enjoy that as much.

I haven't contradicted myself at all. My DHs heavy work schedule was definitely a contributory factor in why their marriage fell apart. I didn't want to go into the dirty details as it has been outing enough, but I have had to do so to some extent as people like you jumping to incorrect conclusions.
He was working a lot, she was spending every penny earned, she wanted to adopt , he didn't want to etc etc. There are usually many factors as to why couples break up.

He didn't give up his job, he was asked to leave. Hence the payout. So that is another wrong assumption on your part. I agree the timing of this was extremely fortunate for him in the end, but he had no idea she was about to up and leave with the kids at that point.

I never said I didn't care about her behaviour. Yes of course I have disdain for a person that is slagging DH and I off to anyone who will listen. When we first got together she used to text all manner of unsolicited abuse, including accusing me of endangering the kids! But that is a whole other insane story. I have never reacted to any of her crap this far, mainly for the sake of my stepchildren. Yes it would be petty of me to be a wanker on social media but it is the only way I can passively aggressively get a dig back at this bitch. Honestly though, this post was more to have a rant than anything.

DH hasn't give me any narrative, as previously stated I have seen the evidence in legal documents with my own eyes and witnessed their divorce, seen the statements etc. She is a pathological liar and continues to be as is evidenced in the more recent screenshots we have seen.

It isn't me focusing on her (up until now) it is her that is obsessed with us and it gets very wearing for all involved.

What a strange take.

I find your take equally strange. You're a grown woman asking if you should deliberately post things on SM to make another woman even more jealous of you than you believe she already is. Why would you do that? If you don't like what you consider to be her jealousy, then why would you want to cause more of it? You could perfectly easily get on with your life ignoring her and her posts, yet you're thinking of ramping up the drama by giving her more to 'moan about'? It makes no sense at all.

Unfortunately OP, all the women on here are either bitter divorcees and want to take the ExW side. Or they are so utterly perfect they don't believe in revenge or bitterness.

I think you've given a great oversight actually of the kind of woman she is - I would have just called her a bitch but you've refrained from doing that. Very coherent picture painted.

She's behaved appallingly and gotten away with it. I would go as petty as I could for as long as the eye could see. And enjoy it.

I think you need to stop being so pathetic grow up OP

So what should women on here be? Bitter, or not believing in bitterness? You seem equally scathing of both, despite them being polar opposites.

Not really, out of sight, out of mind.

@5128gap Yep scathing of both and completely unapologetic.

Partly because she behaves in this ridiculous way regardless of whether we are rising above it or not. I haven't reacted to her in all these years but I am not Mother Theresa and I can only take so much! A small part of me would get a sick satisfaction from pissing her off, I've been transparent about that and acknowledged it is petty. There was an element of me being a bit tongue in cheek with this post too, but I do feel constantly under attack in one way or another and I can't really 'fight back' because I can't jeopardise the good relationship I have with my stepchildren. It is incredibly frustrating.

@NCgoingdry Definitely does feel like 'First Wives Club' on here a lot of the time.

You might get a sick satisfaction from pissing her off, but its just going to exacerbate the behaviour that pisses you off, so will only make you more annoyed in the long run. You will also lose any moral high ground you might be occupying. You can see by the responses from strangers on here that bragging about your life to deliberately upset her will make people think badly of you, and this may include your step children. It's one thing for them to grow up knowing their mum posts these things, but another for them to learn you provoked her by bragging. You should stay in the right.