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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rise above or Rub it in

152 replies

CloudStra · 08/02/2024 13:06

I've been dealing with DH jealous ex wife for quite some time now. She writes things on FB about me and DH, our house and cars etc. My husband is a high earner and she is totally obsessed with what we are doing and the fact she doesn't have access to his money anymore. She constantly complains about her own finances in comparison and how unfair it all is despite receiving a large settlement upon divorce which she also lies about.

I'm at the point that I want to actually give her something to moan about! Is it spiteful and petty if I do a bit of social media bragging (not usually my style) just to piss her off?

OP posts:
Slanabhaile · 08/02/2024 16:25

Your DH's "friend" needs to stop screenshotting her feed and sharing it.

LittleGreenDragons · 08/02/2024 16:26

So, if your DH's friend is showing you the ex's Facebook posts, who is showing the ex yourFacebook posts?

That is a point i hadn't considered. Is the mutual friend grabbing screenshots off your sm account to show the Ex too? Because that is beyond scummy.

And tell DH to grow up and stop with the drama. He doesn't need to show you at all, unless he likes seeing you get angry??

HalebiHabibti · 08/02/2024 16:28

Change your profile picture to one of you sitting there fanning yourself with (obviously) Monopoly money 😂

HalebiHabibti · 08/02/2024 16:29

I'd also do what I could to prevent mutual friend from seeing anything you post after doing the above!

Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 17:00

MissRheingold · 08/02/2024 16:15

She may be justifiably bitter as he may have lied to you about their relationship and financial settlement.

It's pointless trying to have a go at her and besides she has the last laugh as you now have her used goods.

Just block and enjoy your own life without prying into hers.

We were living together whilst he was still going through the divorce. I know exactly how much she got (6 figures) as I have seen all of the documents being a support to him throughout.

It wouldn't necessarily be having a go at her, as I can't do that directly, I'd just end up upsetting my stepchildren. It's more along the lines of 'if you're going to talk about me, I'll give you something to talk about.' Which I'm aware is petty.

I don't view my DH as her used goods thankfully. In all honesty I get the vibe she regrets leaving, why else would somebody be this jealous 10 years on.

OP posts:
daliesque · 08/02/2024 17:11

We had this for a few years. Neither of us are in social media but my partner also had a friend who shared what bullshit she was writing about us. We just found it funny to be honest and a bit sad that she was still obsessing about us. We didn't engage with her in anyway and never let in to the mutual friend what we thought.

Eventually they get over it and get on with their lives. In our case it was when she found a new partner who was considerably wealthier than my partner 🤷‍♀️

Bubble2024 · 08/02/2024 17:31

CloudStra · 08/02/2024 13:30

By being ridiculously petty and setting them to not private.

Show quote history

Beyond pathetic.

both you and oh are for remotely entertaining any of this. Tell the friend you aren’t interested and stop giving this airtime.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/02/2024 17:33

Take any screenshots about her not getting any money from the divorce, along with proof of her payout and ask a solicitor to write a letter warning her. She doesn’t know you won’t actually take her to court but maybe it will make her think.

Otherwise, she obviously isn’t happy with her choice in life and it’s making her look silly. The mutual friend is clearly laughing at her.

Rise above it and don’t become a show off social media twat.

StephanieLampshade · 08/02/2024 17:35

One day my dear you'll be my age and see what a tremendous waste of energy, youth and health this is

Namechangedjustforthis97 · 08/02/2024 17:38

Ignore. I’ve been with DH 20 years and he had been divorced from his ex for more than 10 years before I ever even met him. She was also remarried when I met DH, but still refers to me as the ow and claims I “stole her money”. It’s nonsensical rubbish and I refuse to get involved in it. Funnily enough, my refusal to engage in her self created drama and my efforts to be a good SM irritate her far more than anything I could actually say…..

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/02/2024 17:47

I think your husband may have a weakness for social media liking, obsessive, petty women!

In all seriousness though, this can every easily be a non problem, by just ignoring it.

Secondly, why take the bait? She's only doing it for a reaction. Why would you allow yourself to get so wound up by her to give her one?

Cantara · 08/02/2024 17:53

You clearly are invested though. I KNOW my exH will have played the victim after our split (initiated by me) as he told me as much. He will have at least tried to convince others he was a victim by detailing all the abusive things he did as coming from me. I immediately removed him from SM and blocked on every platform, you'd both be doing the same if you didn't want anything to do with her.

Gettingfedupgrrrr · 08/02/2024 17:54

Although I don't have anything to do with my ex, I discovered recently through a chance conversation a good friend of mine had with someone very close to their inner circle that his lies continue to his wife to this day. 15 years on. She looks at me as if I am the evil ex, I look at her now with the ah but if you knew what I I know! So don't assume that what you think you KNOW because if it's the man telling you then he is quite possibly flat out lying or lying by omission. It doesn't necessarily mean that the woman concerned is evil or wrong she might just have been severely wronged by him.

Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 17:54

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/02/2024 17:47

I think your husband may have a weakness for social media liking, obsessive, petty women!

In all seriousness though, this can every easily be a non problem, by just ignoring it.

Secondly, why take the bait? She's only doing it for a reaction. Why would you allow yourself to get so wound up by her to give her one?

The thing is I'm not obsessed with social media. I maybe log into fb twice a week, usually to have a quick browse of my pals, I rarely post. I don't have Instagram or anything like that.

I also haven't responded to any of her crap over the years, despite serious provocation and now she has taken to being an arsehole online. In all honesty I have had the patience of a Saint up until now, but it is wearing thin big time.

OP posts:
Cantara · 08/02/2024 18:00

There is literally no reason not to block her...

Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 18:01

Cantara · 08/02/2024 17:53

You clearly are invested though. I KNOW my exH will have played the victim after our split (initiated by me) as he told me as much. He will have at least tried to convince others he was a victim by detailing all the abusive things he did as coming from me. I immediately removed him from SM and blocked on every platform, you'd both be doing the same if you didn't want anything to do with her.

It's rather impossible 'having nothing to do with her' considering DH has 50/50 custody of their children, which will end up more eventually. The social media behaviour is fairly recent, so even if we do ask DH friend not to send the screenshots, she is still a person we have to deal with regularly in real life.
Part of me wants to be informed on what is being said about us behind our backs, so I can stay one step ahead in a way, this is only natural curiosity that many people would have.

OP posts:
Cantara · 08/02/2024 18:11

Can he not communicate with her through text and/or phone calls only regarding the children? That's what I did with exH until everything was settled with our old property. Even email. SM isn't necessary to stay in touch.
The curiosity I didn't have, but of course that differs from person to person. I just took the opinion that anyone who believed his lies wasn't worth knowing.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/02/2024 18:17

Don't start bragging online as it will make lots of people who you like think you are shallow. Just ignore it. I'd say this 'mutual friend' is doing more harm than good by feeding back her (ex's) shit to your husband. Maybe tell them we don't care about her bitterness and have no need to be told about her posts.

Anjea · 08/02/2024 18:22

It would depend what she's saying as to what I'd do.

What's she saying?

YouOKHun · 08/02/2024 18:23

So, if your DH's friend is showing you the ex's Facebook posts, who is showing the ex yourFacebook posts? Because presumably someone is doing that

I agree with @KreedKafer and others, you can bet that the passing of the screenshots to your DH by this so called friend is mirrored by this friend winding up the ex-W. Your DH needs to tell the friend that he’s not interested and doesn’t want to see any more screenshots, and personally I’d stop the friend seeing your content and that of your DH, as this is likely a two way traffic.

As for others who see what she writes, as PP have said, people aren’t stupid. She is doing more harm to herself. The best way to shut her down is to give her no material to work with. Change your profile shot too, I don't use a photo of me because I have an ex who I don’t want to be able to pick me out from others with the same name. If she can’t even see your face in your profile shot it will help. It won’t solve her anger but it might mean the potential to publicly rant on SM is no longer fuelled.

LauderSyme · 08/02/2024 18:37

If the ex-wife was on here and had it in her to actually be honest about her behaviour, you'd all be telling her to knock it off and rightfully so.

If she said I got a six figure settlement but am lying to the world that I didn't, and I bitch about his second wife having a nice handbag years after our divorce, you'd tell her she is bitter and pathetic.

I'm with the OP. This woman needs to be called out and showed up. She'll just carry on otherwise and when is enough enough?

Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 18:54

Gettingfedupgrrrr · 08/02/2024 17:54

Although I don't have anything to do with my ex, I discovered recently through a chance conversation a good friend of mine had with someone very close to their inner circle that his lies continue to his wife to this day. 15 years on. She looks at me as if I am the evil ex, I look at her now with the ah but if you knew what I I know! So don't assume that what you think you KNOW because if it's the man telling you then he is quite possibly flat out lying or lying by omission. It doesn't necessarily mean that the woman concerned is evil or wrong she might just have been severely wronged by him.

I have seen her behaviour for myself first hand. I was there whilst the divorce was going through. I was there for the custody battle and saw her accusations of Parental alienation, I have read actual lies in black and white on legal documents, and seen Court ordered Psychologists reports. I have seen the text messages she sends. So I don't think I know, I do genuinely know. Her behaviour over the years has been despicable.

I don't doubt she feels wronged. But that is because she thought she would keep the house and the kids and that he would be paying for the lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 18:57

Cantara · 08/02/2024 18:11

Can he not communicate with her through text and/or phone calls only regarding the children? That's what I did with exH until everything was settled with our old property. Even email. SM isn't necessary to stay in touch.
The curiosity I didn't have, but of course that differs from person to person. I just took the opinion that anyone who believed his lies wasn't worth knowing.

Most of the communication is via text, and it is usually about the children ie Dr appointments etc. Somehow she manages to turn that into an argument though.

OP posts:
Original poster
CloudStra · 08/02/2024 19:09

@Anjea

Where do I start? It can be anything from he has brainwashed the kids to 'he hid money so I didn't get a penny' or that I'm an unemployed gold digger (I work). The most recent things were bitching about our house and 'snazzy holidays' whilst she can't afford anything as she 'gets no maintenance' effectively trying to make my DH look like a deadbeat dad.

Custody is 50/50 so nobody receives or pays maintenance.

OP posts:
TheLambtonWorm · 08/02/2024 19:16

Custody is 50/50 so nobody receives or pays maintenance.

Is there a major difference in the lifestyles the kids have between your home and hers? While it's not acceptable behaviour, she could be lashing out a perceived injustice here because she can't provide the same lifestyle for them? Is she struggling with money?