Rise above or Rub it in

[CloudStra]

I've been dealing with DH jealous ex wife for quite some time now. She writes things on FB about me and DH, our house and cars etc. My husband is a high earner and she is totally obsessed with what we are doing and the fact she doesn't have access to his money anymore. She constantly complains about her own finances in comparison and how unfair it all is despite receiving a large settlement upon divorce which she also lies about.

I'm at the point that I want to actually give her something to moan about! Is it spiteful and petty if I do a bit of social media bragging (not usually my style) just to piss her off?

Just noticed you say she left him, if you had been the ow that would have explained the vitriol. Did dh do something obvious for her to leave? An affair?

She is making herself look ridiculous. I can guarantee the people seeing her posts will be cringing at her airing her dirty linen in public! Leave her to it, it's quite sad and pathetic actually.

I thought of that was she the OW but shes gonna say no.

Tell mutual friend to grow up and stop shit stirring.

Tell DH to grow up and stop shit stirring too.

You have no need to know about any of it. DH can manage his own children's expectations and feelings.

@Cheeesus I think she is quite likely to have a look as I know she has done this before. The only thing that can't be set to private on fb is the profile picture. In my profile picture I am at a restaurant with my Gucci bag on the table. There have been comments about 'my designer handbag collection' (I don't have a collection) in some of the screenshots received. So if she is spying on my profile picture (haven't changed it in years) I am getting to the point of really giving her something to spy on.

Or I could just block her entirely and ask DHs friend to stop with the screenshots. I think there is an element of curiosity killed the cat for me now, and maybe I would get a small satisfaction from getting a little dig back. It's all very pathetic really.

Why don't you tell the mutual 'friend' to knock it off? Make it clear you don't want to receive these screen shots. Or block the 'friend'.

This.

@spicedlemonpie I'm not bragging about my DHs income. I just pointed it out because this is the reason why she behaves in the way she does, the vast majority of her comments are about money. I earn my own income, so certainly not about to brag over things I didn't pay for. The house is both of ours.

So, if your DH's friend is showing you the ex's Facebook posts, who is showing the ex your Facebook posts? Because presumably someone is doing that, or it would be a waste of time you using it to try and get back the ex.

Either way - this is all absolutely beyond childish. DH's friend is a shit-stirring snitch who is thriving on the drama and your DH is just as bad for showing you this stuff.

If your DH cares that much about his ex's wife's social media that he wants to see screenshots from his friends, the least he can do is not drag you into this playground-level bullshit. So tell him to fucking stop.

Maybe you're not enjoying it, but it certainly sounds like your DH is.

Provided your DH is doing right by them in terms of what he should be paying im maintenance as a minimum and is a good and present dad to their kids in all of this then she needs to move on and grow up.

His friend should stop stirring the pot and leave her to her silly fb posts as she's just making herself look silly and a bit obsessed

Absolutely rise above it. Do not give it oxygen and certainly not publicly

I can see why this is so annoying, but don't sink to her level. Vent to a friend, laugh about it to your husband, turn it into a joke. She's embarrassing herself, so be embarrssed for her. Practise the Southern phrase 'bless her heart' with a pitying head tilt. Make a little "ouch, that's awkward for her" face if this "friend" tries to bring it up.

The best revenge truly is living well, but isn't very satisfying in the moment. In the imortal words of Niles for Frasier "You don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots'.

Don’t be a doofus. You’ll just make the people who follow you, the ones you actually like and care about, think you’re a braggy twat when they see your boastful photos.

This. Hard to do but any other way and your adding fuel and it won't end calmly

If you fight with pigs, they enjoy getting mud on them -not exactly Shakespeare but worth considering.
She's spoiling for a fight. Totally feel your frustration (I love the idea of revenge, esp for petty stuff) but the best approach is to ignore. And ask the friend to stop sending the screen shots. She has no oxygen if neither of you see it.

Yes I'd understand if there had been an affair or abuse or something nasty involved. DH was working extremely long hours and was working away a lot of the time so the relationship broke down due to this. She left him. They had been separated 2 years when I came on the scene. I think the reason for the bitterness is because he has become self employed so is no longer working crazy long hours but is earning double the amount. Perhaps there is an element of her thinking she jumped ship too soon. She is remarried herself it is worth mentioning.

😂That is the only thing that has stopped me.

Pissing up lamp posts as a way of competing over a man is not a good look.

I didn’t say you did 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was responding to the question in your OP and title….

It is 50/50 custody so no maintenance is payable to either party.

Why not have a bit of class and get on with your life. If she’s consumed by hate and bitterness that’s her problem. Why lower yourself to that level? Be gracious and be the better person.
It reminds me of trashy reality tv characters like on The Real Housewives of Cheshire or something. Yuk.

Either one or two things then.

1. you or her is getting a kick out of it.
2. Your husband is enjoying watching you kinda fight for him. And was you the other woman im thinking you was.

I'm petty as fuck, so I'd be posting ALLLLLLL the pictures.

I am usually a "when they go low, we go high" kind of person but your revelations of the ex-wife's persistent unjust and jealous behaviour has riled me.

With each of your updates I am leaning more and more towards giving her a dose of pettiness to chew on! Sometimes being the bigger person just isn't that satisfying. It can make you feel mugged off and resentful.

Maybe just drop one little (or large! ) bomb 💣 on social media 😏

I am somewhat sceptical of all these 'rise above it and dwell with the angels' posts. Experience of MN has taught me that some of the holier than thou bollocks that gets spouted on here is performative, not genuinely held.

She may be justifiably bitter as he may have lied to you about their relationship and financial settlement.

It's pointless trying to have a go at her and besides she has the last laugh as you now have her used goods.

Just block and enjoy your own life without prying into hers.