What are your thoughts on holidaying without your children?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Curious to know if people think it's ok to regularly go on holiday without their kids.

I personally like going away with my DS but I see so many people on social media often go away without their kids.

If you do it, do you take your kids away another time?

Love to know peoples thoughts.

I guess the AIBU is

Of course, there will always be exceptions to this, but I do think the time that you have together pre-children must make a difference to how you relate to each other after having kids. You have a whole shared history together that doesn't involve your kids, so perhaps you don't feel quite the same need for dedicated "couple time" to establish that partnership once the kids have arrived?

Possibly but after 12 years together our couple time isn't about establishing a partnership. It's purely because we feel it's important to spend time together as a couple . That feeling hasn't diminished the longer we've been together.

depends how old they are, under 4 i wouldn't go without them. After that, only if they were being left at grandparents or similar family member they are incredibly close to. - then it would only be for a weekend. Not a week long holiday.
I'd go a week when they are maybe 12 if they actively wanted to stay with someone else for that week or were going on their own residential trip for example.

We have DS6 and DD3.
I went away for 3nts to Spain for my 40th when DS was 5mths, very sedate-just lovely meals and relaxing by the pool, I loved it. I then went away in March 2020 (week before lockdown) to Poland for 3nts with friends. I struggled more this trip and really missed DS. DH has never been away abroad without us but me and DH had a couple of nights away locally for our Honeymoon and a couple for Birthdays.
Then Covid.......
DD was born in 2021 and we haven't had a night away since. I really don't know why but I don't want to leave them anymore. Combination of wanting to be together, not really having childcare options for overnight for two (parents are older and not great health). My favourite thing in the whole world is being away with DH and the children and we holiday as much as we can.
I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with both of us being in a different country to both of them.

While being a parent comes first I would argue putting time and effort into having a solid and good marital-style relationship is actually important for the happiness and well-being of DC too

when we’ve been able to (lived abroad for a long time so just didn’t have people to help) we’ve taken the odd 2-4night trip away on our own and I think it’s really important parents keep their relationship prioritised. The kids will leave home eventually and if you haven’t put anything into your primary relationship it’ll probably crumble away.

I do also take my 2 away for a one on one trip in alternate years though that’s fairly recent. I love one on one time with any of my immediate family members

I do solo hiking trips and DH does solo running trips. We schedule them when the children are in school.

Yes, so many people say they don't have childcare, but don't seem to consider solo trips.

I have 3 children. Four year old twins and an 18 month old. A few months ago we went to Disneyland for 3 nights. Me being my partner and I. It was our anniversary. The kids went to their grandparents. Zero regrets or guilt here! Will take them when they're older 😊

Perhaps "establishing the partnership" is the wrong way to put it. I do think the relationship is inevitably different, though, depending on whether you have kids very early on or after a long time together.

No, not at all. I like climbing mountains and walking the hills all day and frankly both my DC are shit at it. I love my solo activity holidays.

We had a couple of trips away without DS when he was 5/6. One for a friend's wedding, one for DPs 40th birthday. DS stayed with my mam for a week both times.

Since then (around 5 years) we've not done much more than a couple of nights away without DS though. Both mine and DPs mam's have passed away so there wouldn't be anyone for DS to stay with even if we wanted to go anywhere.

We've done a couple of family holidays the past few years and really enjoyed them, so it's not like we're itching to get away without DS. If anything I feel awful he won't get to spend that time with either Grandma anymore, they both loved his company.

Tbh, I urged DH to do them. He was used to doing business trips alone so it didn’t really occur to him to just go on a trip himself and do what he wanted. He didn’t understand at first why I wanted one but I explained it to him. Once, he went on one himself, he felt silly for not considering it sooner.

What would you suggest I do when my daughter is with her other parent? Sit in a windowless room until she returns?

Get over yourself.

Have done both. I love showing my daughter the world but I also love a bit of rest and relaxation. Lucky to have both sets of grandparents who are very keen for our little one to have a holiday with them whilst mum and dad have a bit of a break.

I genuinely can’t believe some of the responses here. There are 365 days in a year. I think most children will be absolutely fine if their parents have a few days away without them! I wouldn’t have a holiday just me and dh if the kids weren’t also going away with us at some point that year but my marriage is very important to me and I would not feel guilty about having some time away without the kids. They are loved, spoilt rotten and great fun to be around but it’s also ok to know you can enjoy yourself without them!

In principle for me (not judging others):

A night away with DH in UK leaving DS with Grandparents....yes.
A weekend away in UK leaving DS with DH...yes.
Anything over and above this, or outside UK....no.

DS is 10 but have felt same since he was a baby and don't feel like this will change any time soon.

We’ve done holidays without DD - longest a week. I’m a great believer in a couple being able to spend time as a couple to keep their relationship healthy.
DD would stay with DMIL, eat too many chocolate pots, stay up too late, play cards, get extra toys and generally be spoilt rotten. It was great.

I would if I had someone i could 100% trust with my kids, but i don't.

It must be so nice having adult time, thinking about just you and gliding through the airport without worrying about kids.

But i love our family holidays and in reality, if someone said they'd look after my kids, i don't know how i'd feel.

But kudos to you if you do. Nothing wrong with it.

We've had a couple of weekend breaks in the UK while my son stayed with grandparents and for my 40th I went to Reykjavik for 4 nights with friends and did snowmobiling blue lagoon etc. Have also had lots of lovely family holidays! Every family set up is different. My parents didn't holiday without us until we were adults but they had no family support x

@PictureALadybird your comment doesn't make you Mother Of The Year.

Or even the day

I've gone for a ski weekend solo without anyone and a girls week (7 days - awesome). A few short work trips. That's it. I'd love it if I can squeeze more in.

No one ever had ours even overnight so a holiday would have been out the question. I would have absolutely killed for it when they were very young.
From primary years onwards it was a joy to take them, and we've holidayed lots. Best times of my life. They're now away at uni so DH and I are free to holiday alone all we want. And we do. But I miss them!

What I can’t get my head around is that so many children are happy to be left “behind “. Mine love their grandparents, so it wouldn’t have been a question of them being unhappy, but there would have been cries of indignation if I’d have gone to the Caribbean without them 😂

I agree. We went to a Egypt for the first time when my daughter was eight and I can't imagine how she would have reacted if we hadn't taken her with us !

In general I don't leave my kids overnight. I have done a funeral where we had an early start so they stayed with their gran and when I went into hospital to have dd2. I like to be around them, I work so get a break then and when they are at school ( although dd2 is with me). Dh and I have always worked around each other with the kids so I watch them when he has a works do or he does when I'm going for a facial. Ours are in bed by 8pm so we get plenty of time just for us. Neither of us would go abroad with out them at this stage, we have our 10 year wedding anniversary coming up soon and kids will be with us. Appreciate that's not for everyone but at this stage I don't need or want to be away from my kids for long periods. We are considering a solo trip in a few years time but that's for a religious pilgrimage. I feel that our kids would still be too young to get the most out of it but we have to balance that with expense and being physically able to do it ourselves.

My dsis has a child the same age as dd2 and leaves him for weekends away with her dh quite regularly. People will always have different views on this and of course things change as your kids get older or if you have reliable childcare like family your child is settled with. I don't care when people make different parenting choices compared to mine, I standby having confidence in your own choices.