What are your thoughts on holidaying without your children?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Curious to know if people think it's ok to regularly go on holiday without their kids.

I personally like going away with my DS but I see so many people on social media often go away without their kids.

If you do it, do you take your kids away another time?

Love to know peoples thoughts.

I guess the AIBU is

We usually try to have a spa break or city break once or twice a year, actual holidays more rarely.

Ours are 9,14 and 17

We are in the Caribbean at the moment for our wedding anniversary , home tomorrow. My parents have been staying at ours to look after them and they've all had a ball!

We are also taking the dc on family holidays to Devon and Spain this year so it's not like we won't do a family holiday too

It is not at the expense of anything if you're both happy with how things are. If one partner isn't happy, then obviously that changes the dynamic.

Some parents clearly need more childfree time than others. Some kids are easier to be around than others. There are no rights and wrongs here, just what works for each family.

DH and I had a decade together before we had dd. We will hopefully have decades together after she has left home. Our relationship is solid. The way we always saw it was that our years with dd at home would be fleeting, and we wanted to make the most of the time that we had together as a family before she grew up and started wanting to do her own thing. It helped, of course, that she has always been great company and very easy to be around, so neither of us felt any desperate need for a "break".

Each family should do what works for them.

They are indeed.

I feel like I get the best of both worlds since we have family holidays too.

Definitely not a proper abroad holiday. DH and I will do at most two nights in the UK without them (spa break or similar). DH has been abroad with friends for longer.

If I had limitless holiday time and money then I would absolutely try and have at least one minibreak a year without the kids. But with limited holiday and those endless school holidays, I don't really have a choice. I long for the kind of holidays we used to do before kids (lots of churches, museums, galleries, walks, long meals, plenty of reading time) but it will be a few years before they are able to tag along for those. I miss them.

It is not at the expense of anything if you're both happy with how things are. If one partner isn't happy, then obviously that changes the dynamic.

I think this is what often causes problems. One person wants time to their hobbies or time away from the kids, the other doesn't see the need, and then resentment kicks in.

You're right that if both people are happy then it doesn't really matter either way, but I've just seen so many threads on here where that's not the case.

My DD does both and takes her eldest on a city break while I do Blackpool with the youngest. The youngest loves Blackpool. It's a shame that more people don't have the relationship with wider family that I had as a child. I got to see the whole UK going away with GPs, Aunts etc. We sometimes took a friend of mine as well. I suppose it would have been more interesting if the posters who wouldn't said if their children ever went away without them. I also used to do both and as they got to teen years and didn't want to go camping I let them stay with family, instead.

Of course. Ultimately, I suppose it depends on the quality of the communication between you - if you both feel able to say what you want and need etc.

For me and DH, I think it helped a lot that we had a longstanding, healthy relationship before we had dc. We had already established how to communicate regarding any issues long before dc came into the mix. I think it must be much harder if you're still in a relatively new relationship.

Definitely! I wonder if the divide in opinions come down to how long people had been together before falling pregnant.

@PictureALadybird

"No, it’s not okay. You shouldn’t have had children if you didn’t want them to be part of your life.

You had all the time before and all the time after to do your own thing. Being a parent comes first."

Whilst I agree that being a parent comes first, I don't agree that you can never, ever again do anything without your children or things that don't revolve around your children. That's ridiculous.

Another thing that comes to mind - I wonder how many people throw themselves into their children because they know their relationship/marriage isn't brilliant so the kids are a welcome distraction.

😂 no need to be a martyr! If your kids have got loving grandparents who would love to have them for a week then why the hell not go away while they are being spoilt rotten having the time of their lives. Appreciate that not many people are lucky enough to have this but if you do then why the hell not?

Mine are too little to leave for a long period of time as they are quite hard work for the only grandparent we have. We have been away for a weekend a couple of times but won’t go for longer til they are older (if we can trust them to behave well and know that they are enjoying themselves)

Quite possibly. There is quite a lot of negotiation to do in the early years of a relationship - figuring out how to communicate effectively, how to split the household chores, how to balance each other's needs etc, how to resolve things when there is a problem etc. It takes a few years to really know and understand each other properly, I think.

If you're trying to do all that and wrangle a baby or small child etc, then I can see why you might need more time alone with each other to work things through. If you've done most of that work already, it's more about maintenance than building a relationship from scratch.

I think the number of kids that you have probably makes a difference too. We only have one dc, so if she went off for a sleepover or similar, we would be alone quite naturally. If you have a whole houseful of kids on different schedules, that wouldn't happen quite so organically.

Both DH and I have had a couple of weekends for our separate interests (the other parent minding the kids). We also had a weekend together for our special anniversary. Not regularly but it happens.
Actual holidays we are less inclined to want this now as the kids are at a nicer age when we can actually enjoy them on holiday and do fun things together.

I personally never did it mainly due to limited annual leave & funds & preferring to spend the time & money with my child. Also no close family/grandparents so no one I would feel fully comfortable leaving him with. I can understand people that do especially if you have a great support network.

I love family holidays.

Also love holidays with just my partner.

Really enjoy a long weekend with the girls every other year.

Both DH and I try to take children away 1:1 when we can too.

Could not care less what other people do with their holidays.

Definitely! I wonder if the divide in opinions come down to how long people had been together before falling pregnant.

Hmmm maybe. I got pregnant 6 months into the relationship BUT 12 years later we still make sure we have nights out and weekends away just the two of us.

😂😂 someone who really wants to go on holidays without the kids but can’t I’m thinking 🙈

So that would seem to support the theory that couples who have had kids very early in their relationships might feel more of a need to set aside "couple time" on an ongoing basis than couples who have already had years together pre-children.

Of course, there will always be exceptions to this, but I do think the time that you have together pre-children must make a difference to how you relate to each other after having kids. You have a whole shared history together that doesn't involve your kids, so perhaps you don't feel quite the same need for dedicated "couple time" to establish that partnership once the kids have arrived?

That's my theory, anyway. Based on my grand sample of 1 marriage.

We didn't have anyone to look after them when they were little so never had the option of trips away just the two of us. When we take them to see grandparents we tend to go as a single parent and the other parent stays at home but is working so not a holiday. Means we need less childcare during the school holidays if we split the responsibilities. If we went away for a week together without the DC we'd then have to put the DC in holiday clubs for an extra two weeks, which seems unfair.

So while I would have liked the idea when they were small I'm mainly confused by the logistics because it means there's somebody somewhere doing a lot of childcare to support these couples trips away. Where do you find these people? And how do you justify the impact on the amount of annual leave you have left to cover the school holidays? Are the kids at boarding school? Or does one parent not work so annual leave isn't a consideration?

As far as 'girl's weekends away' I only know one person who seems to do that, I think it depends on the circles you move in. The closest I've had was to celebrate a big birthday of my Mum's and she and DSis and I had a city break over a weekend. But generally they want to spend time with my DC and I want to spend my time and money on having holidays with my DC, not other people.

I dream of one night away with my husband.

maybe when my oldest is 18 and can look after my youngest well manage it.

if I could do a long weekend once a year because someone loved my children enough to have them overnight, I absolutely would.

maybe when my oldest is 18 and can look after my youngest well manage it.

My kids are teenagers now and while I'm loving finally being able to have regular nights out with DH again because we no longer need a babysitter, holidays with the DC are such fun now I'm not so fussed about holidaying without them, in fact I'm dreading the time when they won't want to holiday with us.

Curious: does no one do solo trips except me? Not girls weekends away, no childcare needed, just hobby or activity trips. This isn't intended to be judgy. I am just asking. Both Dh and I have hobbies that the other doesn't enjoy, so we went away separately as well as together.

We’ve had weekends away just the two of us, but have chosen not to go away for any longer without them.

Our kids are 15 and 20 and our oldest still chooses to come away with us at the moment. He has holidays with friends as well.

As long as the kids are cared for by someone they’re happy to be with and they also get holidays, it’s fine to have a holiday without them.

Curious: does no one do solo trips except me? Not girls weekends away, no childcare needed, just hobby or activity trips. This isn't intended to be judgy. I am just asking. Both Dh and I have hobbies that the other doesn't enjoy, so we went away separately as well as together.

Yes! But I’ve never classed that as leaving them as they’re with their dad or me.