What are your thoughts on holidaying without your children?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Curious to know if people think it's ok to regularly go on holiday without their kids.

I personally like going away with my DS but I see so many people on social media often go away without their kids.

If you do it, do you take your kids away another time?

Love to know peoples thoughts.

I guess the AIBU is

I have a weekend away with the girls every year. The kids are with DH. He probably has one or two weekends away with his friends too. Maybe up to 3 times a year they stay overnight with grandma while we go to the theatre or something.
Proper, week long holidays then we all go together always. I wouldn't want it any other way.

@jeaux90 it’s a hell of a leap to go from families who enjoy spending precious annual leave together to children who are “never without their parents”!

My DH and I went on honeymoon without our children, but that was exceptional. They were very much ready for us to come home though at the end, but they had a great time with their grandmother. DH and I have also done weekends away, but separately, so I'll stay home with DC whilst he's off, and vice versa.

We always take them on holiday with us though! Can't wait for our next family holiday.

Eh? My kids go away without me on sports camps, residential school trips, etc. I go and visit friends and stay overnight. DH and I do overnights near-ish home a couple of times of a year. But I’ve no desire to use our limited/AL budget on ‘proper’ holidays without my kids. Holidays with them are brilliant. We’ll only get so many before they’ll be too grown up.

It’s not so much a matter of won’t but can’t. We have literally nobody who could look after our DS if we went away without him.

We’d be more than happy to do it from time to time as we’re used to travelling a lot however since having DS things had to change due to personal circumstances.

I’d love to have GP or other support but unfortunately it’s just not available for us.

We do both, it's important to do things as a couple aswell as a family. We are fortunate to be able to go whenever and however long we want though and don't have the worry of annual leave.

I agree that it’s important to find time as a couple together and not be completely consumed by being a parent. Being strong as a couple will bring it’s own benefits to children, not prioritising the adults from time to time is likely to result in adults who gradually grow apart. We can’t all find appropriate baby sitters for breaks away or maybe finances won’t allow for it but I think if you can you need to find the time some other way.

My parents holidayed without me as a child and it made me extremely unhappy. When I look back on it now many decades later I can still remember how sad I felt.

That’s such a sad memory - why do you think you felt that way? Were you left with people you didn’t like? I suppose all kids are different and if your child struggled with being left, you’d have to consider their feelings. I just remember my parents coming home with gifts and exciting stories.

Why? My parents went on holiday without me and tbh all I remember is that a) it was so much fun being spoiled and having a different routine when they were gone b) they were so happy when they came back.

I was SO sad at being left by my parents when they went for a night out never mind a holiday. and I was always left with family who I loved too.. but your primary caregivers leaving you isn't nice. I've turned out to be fully independent, live in different country from my family etc now though.

My kids are now adults but they regularly went on holiday with the grandparents whilst we went somewhere by outside, most years it was just a long weekend somewhere but we went to the Caribbean for our 10th wedding anniversary whilst they went to Cornwall

I would love a weekend away with DH without the kids but wouldn't want a main holiday without them or longer than 2 nights. I work full time, my time off work to spend with them is precious.

Maybe if I was a stay at home mum and spent more time with them I'd feel differently but I'm not sure. I love the joint new experiences a holiday with them brings.

Both, with trips tailored for either the whole family or just adults. My parents did the same when I was a child. Traveling as a family is valuable, but I think parents deserve time to focus on themselves and adult relationships as well.

Other people can do whatever suits their own family and eff off with their opinions about mine.

I hated being left. I was left with people I didn’t like and I hated the feeling of being excluded. I also resented the fact that precious school holidays were eaten into by my parents being away.

We’ve had tons of weekends and nights away from our children but have never holidayed without them, just wouldn’t want to. They grow up so fast and holidays are so special with children as well as great fun.

Were you the kid crying every day when your parents left you at school?

I'm 63 now so the kids are all adults. So my advice comes with the benefit of hindsight.

Without doubt, the marriages that have lasted and are happy are the ones where the parents put their relationship together as a couple equally first to their children's welfare.

That meant regular time alone to connect as a couple.

Where there was money for separate holidays then that was the very best option, however not all were in that fortunate position. So if one holiday was the only one they could afford then of course it was with the kids . If however money was not an issue then regular breaks away were done.

Where money was tight they made time by paying babysitters and /or grandparents.

We were lucky and had very very keen grandparents on both sides who absolutely loved the chance of the doc for a long weekend and on occasion a week.

We do the same for our kids and doc now. It's healthy and fun to have a break from the relentless slog of parenting and the kids really enjoyed it too not to mention the fabulous relationship they all had with both sets of GPS

I did once when they were little. But I missed them too much which put a dampenener on things for me so always took them away with me after that. No major thoughts on what others do but it's wasn't for me unless just a weekend away. Childhood is fleeting. They're all grown up now flying out here and there. I have all the holiday time in the world and go away regularly. We still holiday together occasionally. & they remember the childhood holidays, we still do 'remember when...'

Lmao
How ridiculous.

Does the same apply for sending them to school or do you home school to spend more time with them?

We were lucky and had very very keen grandparents on both sides who absolutely loved the chance of the doc for a long weekend and on occasion a week.

We do the same for our kids and doc now. It's healthy and fun to have a break from the relentless slog of parenting and the kids really enjoyed it too not to mention the fabulous relationship they all had with both sets of GPS

Being fortunate to have family and close friends to provide care that the kids look forward to is key to this working for my family and it was the same when I was a kid. I primarily remember my parents' adults-only trips for the things my brother and I got to do while they were gone, usually with cousins and grandparents.

Probably this. Although a break every now and then is ok. A regular thing isn't great though

Where do you draw the line tho? Should people not have kids if they work away regularly? How many night away with work is too many? How long a holiday? I do two weekends a year with school / uni friends. We virtually all have primary aged kids. I do four weekends training for a volunteer job, when I had just my eldest I also did another three long weekends for the same volunteer job. Lots of our volunteers are parents. Should we only recruit those with kids over 18 or the childless?

@Tatonka what do you seem as regular?

When I was getting married my Nan told me that I was to always remember to to treat my relationship with myself on a par with the relationship with my future DH and when I had my first child she repeated it but adding in that the relationship with myself, my DH and now our child were all as equally important as each other.
Wise words I think.
Mine were 3 and 4 when I holidayed for the first time without them,(also the first time I had ever spent a night away from them) a 3 day european city break and it was at the insistence of my then partner. I missed them so much but at the same time it was lovely to have just me and DP time.
Since then, due to the fact that finances allow, as well as having the most amazing family support system around us - to the point that they keep logs of whose turn it is to have them next😄- we holiday without them for a long w/e every year. However it's not at the expense of their holidays as we also holiday with them several times a year and I enjoy those just as much

One of the joys of having children is palming them off onto others if you get the opportunity.