What are your thoughts on holidaying without your children?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Curious to know if people think it's ok to regularly go on holiday without their kids.

I personally like going away with my DS but I see so many people on social media often go away without their kids.

If you do it, do you take your kids away another time?

Love to know peoples thoughts.

I guess the AIBU is

You wrote it. You bolded.

people are commenting on your reply.

If you’re going to post judgementally about other peoples choices at least stop trying the faux baffles act that other people are reply to what you actually said.

@justteanbiscuits a lot of people have thought your posts came across as judgemental, it certainly hasn't helped with all the bold.

This is the first year we have done it (DC is 4). We went away for 3 days without them. It was amazing and very much needed, to have some alone time with my husband and just enjoy some adult time was really refreshing.

We have two other holidays planned this year, both very much planned and focused around DCs interests.

We will probably try and make our child free short breaks a yearly thing

I did not suggest that other people should do what I do. I said this is what I do and why I do it. That is all.

But there are a number of people really taking it very personally. I have not criticised anyone. I have shared my own experience. Full stop. But you go jump on the OH MY GOD JUSTTEANBISCUITS IS SAYING I'M A TERRIBLE PARENT bandwagon.

I'm glad it wasn't the case for you, but I think a lot of marriages do suffer because the parents neglected their own relationship (and their individual friendships).

I've read so many threads on here from women in their forties/fifties with older children who suddenly find themselves at a loose end because suddenly, their kids don't need them anymore.

Of course prioritising "couple time" doesn't have to mean spending loads of time without your kids, but personally I don't get why you'd marry someone, have kids with them and then suddenly never spend any time with them without kids tagging along.

Complete bullshit.

I rarely went away without mine when they were very young as most holidays were family holidays, but did once or twice when PILs were available to look after them. I always had mixed feelings about it in the run up but it was never for that long and I hugely enjoyed it once we had arrived.

We did our first one last year for a few days. Kids are 10, 8 & 5. I didn’t enjoy it hugely. I really do enjoy going away for a weekend close to
home with DH but being in a different country to them… no thanks.

@lifeispainauchocolat
"but personally I don't get why you'd marry someone, have kids with them and then suddenly never spend any time with them without kids tagging along."

Because they don't have free childcare?!!

Your choice to bold the word want gave it an implication. As you well know - and if you don’t most people would look at the fact so many people read your words the same way and accept that’s how they come across.

Your judgement is clear for all to see and the faux pretence that it was unintentional is fooling nobody

@justteanbiscuits I'm loving the faux ' I wasn't judging' and those that think that must feel guilty about their own choices.

I really did have a child because i wanted one too. I just occasionally like a weekend away with my husband to do adult things. Nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean DS is not wanted.

You don't need free childcare to spend time together as a couple.

What happened to swapping childcare with another family, or spending time together when the kids are in bed?

I was not judging, and I have repeatedly explained that. The bolding was to emphasise that I was talking about my own choices. To be constantly told I was judging is quite tiresome. there have been plenty of judging comments on here if you want to take what I said as judging. Like the person who can't understand why parents wouldn't take take away together - that is judging everyone with no childcare and those that can't afford it isn't it?

#childfreeholiday

Because that isn't what anyone has suggested. Of course my husband and I spend time alone. We do things like go to the cinema, or a gig, when swapping babysitting with friends. The whole thread is about going away on a break. Not having an hour on the sofa after they're in bed.

Maybe because you both like your kids and enjoy spending time as the family that you have created together? It isn't as if you're never alone as a couple without your kids in any case - or it wasn't like that for us. Maybe if you have very introverted kids who never want to do anything/go anywhere, it's different!

And yes, I absolutely agree with the importance of making time for your own friendships, career etc. My own mum fell apart when I left home and I wouldn't have ever wanted my life to centre around my dc. I just haven't ever felt the need to carve out dedicated "alone time" for me and DH. We get plenty of it now that dd is a young adult in any case!

We do both, or did. The kids are older now. One has left home, the other is 16.

we go away a few times a year for a night or 2 alone. We also do things 1-1 with our DD, she and I are away this weekend for example. Main holidays are done as a family. Everyone happy here, so what works for your family and finances. I personally couldn’t give a toss about the stupid comments that say once you have kids you shouldn’t holiday alone.

Yes other relationships are important to me too, but that doesn't mean that I want to go away without my family. I enjoy nights out with friends, but I always want to be with my family at the end of the night. People are different!

I know my parents went out/away for the night when I was at sleepovers etc. growing up. Obviously not hours away, but to nice restaurants or even a local hotel or BnB half an hour away.

The point was, you don't need to have loads of money to spend on childcare to have time away from your kids for the weekend - even it's just a day out as a couple while the kids are elsewhere. Holidays don't have to mean flying off somewhere for days on end.

@justteanbiscuits maybe you weren’t judging, but it did come across to me and others that you were. I’m not defensive at all but perhaps it might be gracious to acknowledge that that’s how it has been interpreted however unintentional, rather than double down that everyone else must be wrong.

Maybe because you both like your kids and enjoy spending time as the family that you have created together?

Sure, but I just don't believe that should always come at the expense of quality time together as a couple until your kids are older.

I didn't until my dd was about 6, then I split from my exdh.

We now alternate taking dd away on holiday so it means every other year I get a couple of weeks on my own, so I try to use this time to go away with friends.

For me it feels the best of both worlds. Dd gets a quality holiday (usually abroad) each year and I get the chance to take her away, just the two of us, and have an adults holiday too

What?!

Me too. I would also miss them very much - we have always travelled together and they are technically adults now.

I don't think we went away without our child until he was a teenager but I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who did. Certain posters would get on well with the poster who started the instagram #childfree nights thread. In fact if she comes across this thread she will be fuming 😂.

Anyone going away without your children - enjoy!

And that's fine. As long as kids are healthy and happy, I'm cool with it. Maybe if our circumstances were different I would feel different. But it's never been on our radar to holiday without kids, and so we just don't think about it. My friendship group aren't the "girls break" types - and frankly, if we did go away together, I can see us all just sleeping the entire break 😂😂

That isn't to say I'm not looking forward to when they're in their twenties and we have both time and money to be able to go away where ever we want without them! (But my heart also breaks a little that this time will be here before I know it!!!) I think I am mainly dreaming about the day they can drive themselves to their own hobbies though! Oh the time we will have then!