What are your thoughts on holidaying without your children?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Curious to know if people think it's ok to regularly go on holiday without their kids.

I personally like going away with my DS but I see so many people on social media often go away without their kids.

If you do it, do you take your kids away another time?

Love to know peoples thoughts.

I guess the AIBU is

This is actually a fantastic idea and something I never thought of when the kids were young although I don’t think my exh would have liked the idea. Very good idea though as the kids don’t have to be without both parents. I like going away with my partner but only for a couple of nights I miss the kids too much. The youngest especially even though she’s a pre teen now so won’t care where I am after a while 😝

I find this perspective curious. Parents are also people with their own individual lives.

My parents use to go on holiday now and again without us when my brother and I were children, from a young age. We were always perfectly happy with our grandparents and we learned the world didn't revolve around us and that our parents could do their own thing sometimes. It didn't affect my relationship with them at all.

I think it's absolutely fine and people panic way too much about it.

I’ve had a few long weekends away with DH- usually on ‘big’ anniversaries. We’ve been to Dublin, Lisbon, Santorini, Marrakech and Seville without the kids. Just three nights away and a chance to have long boozy lunches and wander around cities which wouldn’t have interested the kids, especially when they were little. Luckily my ILs were always happy to have them (and the dog). I wouldn’t have wanted to go for longer than three nights though. Partly because I would miss them, partly because it would feel like a piss-take to ask the ILs to look after them for longer, and partly down to cost. We can occasionally stretch to a mini break in the same year as a family holiday, but would struggle to afford a week’s holiday for the family and another long holiday for DH and me.

DH and I travelled the world for 15 years before we decided to have DS in part because we knew we wouldn't be able to do it on our own once he arrived as we have no childcare options.

By the time he arrived I felt like we'd done so much that I didn't really feel we were missing out. He'll soon be old enough for us all to go on some similar adventures together as a family.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves That’s a good point about how far into the relationship you have kids and anecdotally supported by quite a few of the families I know (and the post just prior to mine).
DH and I were together for a decade and travelled a lot as a couple before kids and assume we will once they’ve grown up and aren’t interested in holidaying with us any more. The years we do get to travel with them are fairly limited and so precious so we want to make the most of them.

We have been away for short breaks without our child, we offer now they are a teenager to stay home but they still want to come and is no trouble it is fine

Yes, we do. We go for a few nights every few years. Our kids aren't interested in being dragged all round foreign cities sadly. My DD still complains about having to walk in Paris for 30 minutes on a trip there 5 years ago. I'm a teacher so spend every day of the holidays with them. It's nice to have a break sometimes!

Even if we'd had childcare, there was never a good tine I've found - we could have done with a restful holiday in the early years but the kids hated it when I was away, and now that they're bigger it's actually nicer going on holiday with them - there are tons of places we want to show them and I'm aware that at nearly 12 my kids are only going to want to holiday with us for a few more years. It's more them that are going on holiday without us now to be honest - school take them on a week long hiking/outdoor sports trip every autumn.

I wish people wouldn't use that line about "remind my kids that I am a person too". I worked a lot of holidays and weekends during my PhD and I don't remember anyone warning me about losing my personhood. Some types of work make you more of a person and some types less or what?

We never holidayed without ours and had many fantastic trips together. Now ours are well into their 20s and still keen to holiday with us which we love. It’s such a special time together.

I do not holiday without my children. But it’s been a personal preference. I have always been employed outside the home in a demanding job and want to spend the holidays with my children (weekends too to be honest, never went out much without them when they were little). Fortunately DH is on the same page. And we were also fortunate in that our children have enjoyed doing lots of the things we also like to do. We are lucky in that our children are relatively “easy” in that I do not feel the need for a break from them in the way I might have had they been more challenging.

I would not say it’s “not all right” to go away without your children though. That said I have encountered a few examples (on here and in real life) which did give me a bit of pause for thought. I do, I suppose, slightly disapprove of the primary care giver leaving very new babies overnight unless really necessary. And I also think that most toddlers struggle to cope with more than a few days away from a primary caregiver.

DH and I wouldn’t dream of going on holiday without our son. He’s a baby, 15 months and we would miss him so much, we just wouldn’t enjoy ourselves without him. I’ve got friends who go away a lot without their children. That’s up to them, but it’s not for us.

What's going on holiday regularly mean? How long for OP? Im a single parent do I don't really have anybody to look after DS we holiday together every year.

I left him as a baby with his dad and my mother for 6 nights in Dubai at 11 months old - glad I did it because now Dubai has shot up in price and I now have no childcare to do it! Everyone needs a break! If opportunity comes my way to donit I would jump at the chance!

I wouldn't say we 'holiday' without them as such. We've been on a couple of long weekends without them though, to celebrate key dates. It was lovely. Of course I missed them but it was only a few nights. When children come along, you need to work hard to make time for yourselves as a couple, too.

Extended holidays are family time though. As others have said, when annual leave is limited, I'd prefer to spend the leave I have with the children.

We have had mini breaks for the last 3 years running without the kids, they were looked after by their grandparents. We still do stuff with them too but we also need a break.

We aren't this year because we are all going abroad for a family holiday so we don't have the money to do both.

Nobody is traumatised by them staying at home because we also make the effort to do stuff with them and they enjoy time with their grandparents. I can imagine it would be shitty to never go anywhere with the kids, even a day trip somewhere and then disappear on your own fun holiday but I think those parents are in the minority.

Being a parent doesn't mean sacrificing your entire being. It's perfectly possible to strike up a balance.

Plus where do we draw the line, are nights out ok if you miss bedtime but are back for morning? What about one parent missing bedtime and morning? Am I allowed to go food shopping without the kids? Sometimes I've made my youngest cry because I'm not taking him food shopping with me 🤷‍♀️

Managed it a couple of times when the kids went away with scouts and school. People were surprised that we felt comfortable going whilst our kids were away with school. They were in Germany we were in Spain. I don’t do beach holidays - we “dragged” them to cities around the world, up mountains, lakes and road trips (occasionally we stopped at a beach for an hour or two en route) they’ll have much to tell their therapist.

I totally disagree with this. Most people having dependent DC is a 20-25 year commitment depending on age gaps. It covers your 30s to your 50s when you are most solvent and healthy. There are things adults will enjoy that DC won't and are also too expensive to spend money for dc aswell, or just not possible with children.

I wouldn't go on long holidays without my dc. I do agree anything longer than a week is a bit selfish. Doing it several times a year also mean. But the odd break away even just to a UK hotel is healthy for a couple.

DH and I do a city break every other year. We do 3-4 family holidays a year and then biannual one 3/4/5 day break just us 2.

Longest trip was 8 days in New York and Boston which made the most of a business trip. It was fabulous. Kids were 8 and 12 and stayed with DGPs getting spoilt.

Most people I know get a short break from time to time.

I don’t know. I think it’s a case by case basis.

I personally wouldn’t, but that’s because my children have not been abroad yet. So I won’t go without them until they have experienced it too. If they had already been abroad and that box was ticked, then I would feel happier within myself to book a short trip for me if I ever wanted to while they had fun with my parents for a few days.

All my friends holiday with and without their children, it's not even a topic of conversation, just normal to us. My parents did the same.

i think its weird when people won't leave their children even for a night. surely you want to prepare for if you're forced to? hospital stays, for example.

Parents also have their own lives.

DP and I go for 1 week alone every year. The kids get two holidays a year with us and weekends away.

We work really really hard and need a "flop" holiday. We literally sit in the shade and read books.

DD 14 gets to go on amazing school trips, she sees it that I am getting the same opportunity whilst she is away.

Agree with you.

I often wonder how resilient these adults are with childhoods like this where they are never without their parents.

I've done 3 European city breaks of 4-5 days, 1 in USA for 8 days, an overnight theatre trip in London. My eldest is 13 and we last went abroad without them in 2022. We probably would have managed one more trip but for the pandemic.

I think it doesn't occur to most people to go away on their own without partners or children. When my DC wre small, I was a SAHM with no family help. Therefore, every few months I went on a weekend away to get a break and Dh looked after them. Also helped him realise how tough I had it! I have continued that practice. It helps me renew myself. People think it's very strange but I find it soul-affirming.

We do both.
We take the kids on holiday abroad for a fortnight during the school summer holiday, but we have a fortnight's holiday abroad without them earlier in the year.

SAHM of 3 with a 3 mo and a SEN child with no local family help so can relate and definitely agree about renewing oneself.

I know family members found it strange in the beginning but I think more due to me travelling alone as a woman especially on hikes, but they also know I’m quite vigilant and organised on such outings and trips with plans and keeping DH in the loop.

I think it doesn't occur to most people to go away on their own without partners or children.

I travel internationally a lot with work and I always try and factor a day or two at the start or end as a mini break for myself.
It does me the world of good.
DH does the same.