To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

I wouldn't. Paying off an existing default won't register with them as you having helped out, as they won't see any of the money. I'd have sympathy if they were in debt due to both working low paid jobs and the rising cost of living, but if they spend all the time, then it isn't your job to be their pet adult who gets them out of a scrape by shelling out for the dull essentials.

If they’ve missed that many mortgage payments, gifting one payment isn’t going to make any difference. It’s throwing good money after bad.

I would ask your sister to be honest with you about her situation. The whole truth and then see how you feel about helping them. At the moment she’s still lying to you and throwing money at the problem won’t make it go away.

Also, if the bank is repossessing their home, what about the equity? Surely they would be using that to fund the rent on their future home?

Well yes, but I think the OP feels that giving them that money would be some form of help and might stop the constant texts.

Alrhough it probably won’t, tbh. If you do decide to give them a lump sum, OP, make it very clear that it’s all that you can afford and don’t ask for anymore, because you can’t help further.

Yes, I understand that. It would help OP feel better temporarily. But it would be like a bandaid on this situation, and would open the door for more manipulation and pulling on her heartstrings, and encourage rather than stopping the texts.

@seafoamgreenhair You’re probably right. Such a frustrating situation, esp. when it’s obvious that her sister isn’t telling her the whole truth.

Noooo. My sister was shit with money a few years back, was threatened with repossession so her MIL paid £4k arrears. 6 months later she was out as she couldn’t pay. What a waste that £4k was to her MIL! She was still out as couldn’t afford it. She’s turned it all around now but I still wouldn’t be a guarantor if asked.
If your sister gets shitty ask her to send you copies of the letters she’s had with the amounts owed.

My friend's husband was guarantor for a friend, in a similar position. They didn't get any letters informing them of zero payments. The only letter they got was after a year of missed payments. They had a bill for thousands, which was enforced by the court. It broke up their friendship. I think you absolutely did the right thing. If you sign as a guarantor, you're saying that you can pay their missed rent. A court order will force you to repay it, even if it means selling your home! Don't do it. You'll have sleepless nights. If They have a history of not paying rent, then they're going to do it again aren't they?!

You have no reason to feel guilty, you can’t sacrifice your financial stability for theirs - they’ll take you down with them. It’s horrible when it’s family but you are not responsible for them. It takes a good while for the bank to issue repossession notices and longer to get authority to reposses, they’ve known about this for a very long time and haven’t acted.

It's her fault they are in this mess and she isn't being honest but I'd never see my nieces homeless so I'd do it. I did it for my DD when she graduated, her friend hadn't got anyone who could do it for him so I was his guarantor as well. I'm not rich but I knew I could pay it.

Saying you could scrape together enough for one missed payment but would only pay it directly to the bank would presumably lead to protests from the DSis about why that isn't possible - I wouldn't assume she'd come clean with the full truth though.

Personally, I'd signpost to relevant agencies that can help, possibly offer other help that wasn't financial.

They are not being honest with you. There is no way there is eviction for one month missed . The lender would extend the mortgage or add it on in the end . They need proper advice. If the lender gets to sell the house in possession they will loose even more money . There is more to this than meets the eye . How long have they been in the house , are they in negative equity .

And no don’t be a guarantor .

There is no point throwing good (your) money after bad. If they're getting letters like this, one payment will make no difference.

Don't give in to their guilt trip. They need to deal with this themselves, they've enjoyed the upside of holidays etc, now they need to deal with the consequences.

Never, ever be a guarantor unless:

You trust them 101%.

Easily stomach the cost of them defaulting.

A definite no and one payment does not result in eviction. Send them off to the CAB or a Debt Charity to get help with their debts.

Honestly OP I wouldn't pay any of their debt / be guarantor or financially bail out in any way.

If you do it once they'll be back again and again.

Keep them at arms length as you do with your parents.

Your sister and your parents can look after her children's welfare.

It sounds like there is a backstory of you being manipulated and taken advantage of. Don't be suckered in again.

@PinkShimmerSparkle - A one month's payment will make absolutely NO difference to them now. If they truly are being evicted ( i.e. the house is being repossessed) the backlog of payment missed will be a lot more than one payment. Even if it was rent it would be the same

So paying one month will make no difference to the people she is owing money to, you will only be throwing money away as it won't achieve anything - and will only increase the pressure on you to pay more. Please, Do NOT do this

Don’t.

@PinkShimmerSparkle My brother was in a similar situation, he took out a bigger mortgage than he needed and got a new car, furniture and holidays. He missed payments as he was ill and couldn't work for about six months, his wife was a SAHM and couldn't work. He missed payments and the bank started contacting them but they put their heads in the sand and refused to engage. By the time they left their home they owed over twenty thousand to the mortgage providers. They are now renting, paying more than the mortgage amount would be, and likely facing retirement without a secure home. It costs a bank a hell of a lot of time and money to repossess, it's easier to figure out some other solution, your sister is lying about the one missed payment. Just walk away, do not put your own financial security and mental health at risk to do this.

It isn't one payment.
She's lying to You
No Point in paying £600 or whatever it is when they've racked up a debt of thousands!
You might as well burn it!

NO!

NO!!

Please, save yourself the headache!

Truthfully you’d be better off just setting fire to the money for one months house payment at least it would warm you up for a bit. But if you insist on doing it, then get your sister to sign a loan document/IOU. Then the next time she asks for money let her know she still has an outstanding debt with you and you won’t loan her anymore without repayment.

Eventually she’ll stop asking.

I am not giving them money as I’m not sure they will use it as intended.
We could gift them one payment from our savings and this may make me feel less guilty

In effect it comes to the same thing though, since it's still money they'd then not have to find themselves

I'd have thought it was obvious she was already lying with the "one payment" remark, and what's the point in helping if she's just going to go right on doing it?

Don't bother mentioning this since it'll just be "a misunderstanding", but as a PP said they're already trashing their own finances - why invite them to do the same with yours?

Nope, shes lying. Back in the 90's I missed three payments due to long-term sickness following an accident. The bank negotiated to spread those payments over the coming year. They won't be threatened with repossession unless they have missed many payments and have been burying their heads in the sand and not contacting their mortgage provider.
In that case that just further proves that they are not financially responsible enough.
Offer them support but not financial.
Direct them to CAB/shelter and step change to get a handle on their debt.

Definitely do not offer her any money. That won’t solve anything and it’s like giving an alcoholic one more drink because you feel sorry for them suffering withdrawal symptoms.

If you really want to help your sister, offer to go with her to visit a debt adviser at citizens advice or similar charity.

If she has received an eviction letter, then they have likely racked up a lot of debt and the sooner she acknowledges the reality of her situation, the sooner she can start to sort out her life.

She’s clearly lying to you saying it’s only one missed payment, but if she been living beyond her means for a while, she’s also not being honest with herself either and the hole she’s got herself into will keep growing until she faces it.

Even supposing she finds somewhere affordable to rent, handing the keys back to the bank won’t write off her mortgage debt.

It's not one missed payment and your BIL almost certainly got himself sacked.