To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

Absolutely not! The only people I would be a guarantor for is my children and even then only if I could comfortably afford the debt if everything went tits up.

I'm also shit with money though so it's unlikely anyone would ever ask 😆

Shes lying. You dont get eviction notices after one missed mortgage payment. Do not become tied to them financially in any way.

I saw this and it was bloody heartbreaking.

Please don't do this op. Hopefully this will teach them to sort themselves out going forward

Oh God, @TruJay and @TheMerryWidow1 - I watched that too! It is not a program I watch regularly, but happened to see it that day and I was so upset for that lovely family with their awful daughter. It was so upsetting - I thought about it for weeks afterwards. Even the bailiffs were upset, from what I remember.

Don't assume she won't ask your parents. She's already lying to you having refused to take responsibility for her own situation. She doesn't sound terribly scrupulous I'm afraid.

All I know is he left his job because of some sort of disagreement, he does work in a profession that I see jobs advertised a lot near me, I assume the same near them but again don’t know for sure, I have looked on indeed and there are a few available

That must be quite disappointing for you, you’ll maybe see your sister in a different light now if she keeps on asking.

She’s willing to be dishonest about the missed payments and mislead you into a situation of great financial risk, when really instead of messaging you she should redirect that energy and put it into pressuring her husband to pull his weight financially and looking at how they can live within budget.

If they were already living above their means when he quit his job things would have only got worse. If there are jobs available the responsible thing to do as a parent of 3 kids would’ve been to seek new employment first. Yes sometimes you may need to immediately exit a workplace for valid reasons, but it’s more likely he deliberately done it this way to give himself an extended holiday basically since you’re saying he really doesn’t like work. Fair enough, but it shouldn’t come at your expense.

It reminds me how it’s often said on here that some women with internalised misogyny place greater demands on their female friends & relatives than on their male partners.

... she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.

I don't believe that for one moment. Due to a cock-up we once missed four in a row. All we got was a letter from the Halifax asking what was going on. We paid and never heard another thing. Don't do it OP.

This. Generally I think banks work with you too to come up with something affordable like extending the term etc. so I don’t believe they only missed one.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to be guarantor. The only time I’d be happy to be one is when my children go to uni and rent privately.

Please don't I made this mistake

She'll be living large while you pay for the roof over her head and her husband tosses it off.

If she won't stop messaging you then how about saying to her that absolutely nobody gets their house repossessed because they've missed a single mortgage payment. It's a fucking long process and that you are not going to put yourself on the hook for their debts when they have insulted your intelligence with their one missed payment bullshit. And tell her not to ask you again because each message is making you more and more sure that saying no is the right choice for you.

No absolutely do not do this.
Your DS is not being truthful. The mortgage company has to go to court to evict, and it takes a few months. They obviously can't be trusted to budget properly and you,as a guarantor, will pay the price while go on merrily spending recklessly

I feel bad, however reading this thread has made me realise she is definitely keeping the whole truth from me.

In other words, she's lying. And she expects you to make yourself responsible for ££££ of debt, based on lies. Not a chance in hell.

Well, it's sad for them but I wouldn't be a guarantor for someone unless they were close family AND I 1000% trusted how they dealt with their finances. Even then, I'd have to consider it very carefully and it would probably make me uncomfortable (have done it before).

In your case, OP, I wouldn't. Your sister has already shown she isn't managing her finances.

Guarantor contracts are absolutely awful - only an idiot would sign one after reading all the terms.
I've refused to do so for close family members and will continue to do so; your liability is basically unlimited.

I once lent a relative £1000 (borrowed it from my pension on the understanding with work that I would pay off what I borrowed each month over 3 or 4 months). She needed it or they were going to get evicted. She and her husband had a similar pattern in terms of reckless spending but I felt bad for the children. A week after I paid her, I asked her about them setting up the repayment to me so I could pay my work back. She claimed to have 'forgotten' I had lent her money. Fortunately the worst that happened was that I had a bad few months and used my overdraft to the limit for a while. It could have been so much worse.

Also, OP, she says he left his job after a disagreement. That sounds like he got fired to me, which would explain his difficulty getting more work right now.

Don't commit to anything! I would be also dropping feeler questions to any vulnerable relatives they might also approach who might not feel able to say no.

I would try to do what I could that didn't involve risking my own financial stability. Supporting them emotionally and practically if in a position to engage with debt relief processes.
If you are able and it would become the expectation send meals or buy a few groceries to ensure that the kids still have access to good food.

I have loaned my eldest sister money on 3 occasions but I would never be her guarantor. If she needed more regular support I would consider doing her a shop once every 4-6 weeks depending on my own situation. I am fairly good at paperwork and have helped my parents filling in scary looking forms so that would be something I would offer too

She isn't being honest with you, or with herself. They're obviously in far deeper than she has told you. Stick to your guns. Her DH needs to get back into paid work and they need to engage a debt charity.

No don’t do it. If they have shown they are not money sensible in the past, then they won’t be going forward. You’ll end up paying the rent.

If it is really one missed mortgage payment, could you gift them this. However, must mortgage companies say speak to them if having problems.

Their rent will be upwards of £1000 a month I expect. If they miss the payment day of even one payment you can be asked to pay it (every month indefinitely as the guarantor arrangement can be extended along with the tenancy at the end of a fixed term) and if you don't pay it they can seek a CCJ to force you to pay. I wouldn't do this.

Absolutely no and never.

The inly thing you could do to help, if you can afford it, is lend them some money, or gift some money. If you lend, be prepared to not get it back.

Agree with everyone else that she's missed more than one payment and absolutely don't do this. If it were my sister and if I could afford to, I'd offer to pay the one missed one as a loan but I'd have her call the mortgage company while I was there, then give me the phone to make the payment. She won't agree to this as she's lying to you. Sorry you are being put in this position.

Aside from anything she is lying. One missed mortgage payment wouldn’t cause this.

“Dh left his job”

I agree this sounds very suspicious . It’s rare nowadays that people voluntarily leave jobs.

You could offer to review their paperwork with them.
But it'll be emotionally draining and possibly pointless.