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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She always wins because she cheats!

246 replies

abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:28

AIBU to be pissed off that my 8 y/os friends mum makes stuff for her kid for school when it’s supposed to be made by the kid and she ultimately wins every time for the best item?
She won best Easter bonnet competition and won a giant Easter egg, she won best something or other at Christmas and got extra breaks, she won something creative last year and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets. But the mum makes all these things for her and not only should it be very obvious to the teachers that it’s not been made by an 8 year old, but the mum tells me she’s made it all and laughs about it. The kid is never involved in helping or even gives ideas, and often doesn’t even see the item until it’s given to her on the day of the competition. The one at Christmas she hadn’t seen at all coz the mum just handed it in directly to school.
The kid never admits that she’s had no involvement in making it and gratefully accepts the rewards and attention lavished on her for always winning at these creative competitions. My DD is getting quite jealous at this friend apparently being so much better than her at things and always winning. Pisses me off.

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 10:32

How do you know this? How do you know the daughter didn't see one of the items?

Is the mother teaching her child well?

Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:35

How do I know? Because the mum tells me and laughs about it.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 08/02/2024 10:37

Totally agree OP.
But loads of parents do it at school. Not just one
So it'll never stop.

One time my child came second I think it was in the egg competition.
I was so so happy.
Because she'd done it all herself. Thought of it herself and done it herself.
And the vast majority of them are done by the parents.
I always remind her of this though and so tell her to be extra proud as she's done it herself

Cathbrownlow · 08/02/2024 10:37

I might have a private word with the teacher if I were you, OP. That is disgraceful behaviour.

DiamondGazette · 08/02/2024 10:37

If this is true, then you feel sorry for the mother in this scenario. Imagine being so insecure that your child might not win a competition for making something, you step in and create an entry for her. The child must feel awful. Not even being given a chance to be creative on her own. It's not a good life lesson. Mum isn't going to be able to take GCSEs on her daughter's behalf, or do that piano exam, or swim those lengths. Children have to learn to win on their own merits.

SpeculatingRooks · 08/02/2024 10:39

This is annoying and frustrating but really there's fuck all you can do about it.

I always tell my kids if you win by cheating then that makes you a loser.

MoltenLasagne · 08/02/2024 10:41

School should be able to tell when things haven't been completed by an 8 year old. Is the Mum intentionally doing a slightly shoddy job to make it more convincing?

Christmaslights21 · 08/02/2024 10:42

I would honestly be raising this with a teacher. Next time there’s a competition, tell the teacher your daughter is reluctant to even bother as it’s clear Janie will win as per usual, even though her mum clearly makes every entry for her!

Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:42

SpeculatingRooks · 08/02/2024 10:39

This is annoying and frustrating but really there's fuck all you can do about it.

I always tell my kids if you win by cheating then that makes you a loser.

I always tell my kids if you win by cheating then that makes you a loser.

i like that!

Sadly I don’t think it resonates in the mind of an 8 y/o though when their friend is being applauded in front of the whole school and appears in the weekly newsletter and comes out of school with all these treats with people walking by and congratulating her.

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 08/02/2024 10:43

DiamondGazette · 08/02/2024 10:37

If this is true, then you feel sorry for the mother in this scenario. Imagine being so insecure that your child might not win a competition for making something, you step in and create an entry for her. The child must feel awful. Not even being given a chance to be creative on her own. It's not a good life lesson. Mum isn't going to be able to take GCSEs on her daughter's behalf, or do that piano exam, or swim those lengths. Children have to learn to win on their own merits.

This. Poor kid is missing out on all the learning and enjoyment from doing the project themselves.

Also how lowly does the mum value her own time. Presumably she spent hours on these projects and got a big Easter egg in return. That is below minimum wage! 😂Personally I value my time a lot more than that!

It happens in every school with everything like this. The trick is to keep hold of what is important about your child’s education - enjoyment and learning.

The phrase to use to your child is “poor Lizzie - her mummy didn’t let her make the volcano at all!”

SavingEveryLastPenny · 08/02/2024 10:43

At our school it isn't the teachers that 'judge' but the prefects.

TheDogdidGood · 08/02/2024 10:43

I’d have a word with the teacher. I used to be a teacher and if was obvious when a kid did low standard classroom work and amazingly brilliant homework! It’s rally unfair on the other kids

Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:43

MoltenLasagne · 08/02/2024 10:41

School should be able to tell when things haven't been completed by an 8 year old. Is the Mum intentionally doing a slightly shoddy job to make it more convincing?

Exactly! She’s doing A Level art level work at it, it’s very obvious it’s not been made by a child.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 08/02/2024 10:44

I don’t understand why the school aren’t dealing with this.

DDs HT is very blunt about it - if it’s obvious a parent has made it, or made most of it, it’s never going to win.

purpleme12 · 08/02/2024 10:45

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 08/02/2024 10:44

I don’t understand why the school aren’t dealing with this.

DDs HT is very blunt about it - if it’s obvious a parent has made it, or made most of it, it’s never going to win.

Our school definitely still gives prizes to things parents have thought of and helped!

Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:45

Christmaslights21 · 08/02/2024 10:42

I would honestly be raising this with a teacher. Next time there’s a competition, tell the teacher your daughter is reluctant to even bother as it’s clear Janie will win as per usual, even though her mum clearly makes every entry for her!

She’s a new teacher so probably doesn’t know the history. We never see her at pick up or drop off because of where the classroom is so it would be a case of emailing in, which seems a bit formal and OTT

OP posts:
Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:51

And those saying how the kid must feel that her efforts aren’t good enough, you’re exactly right as the mum has before now thrown her kids creation in the bin and sent her in with what she’s made herself. Makes the situation worse if anything, but doesn’t change anything sadly. She was laughing tell me she had thrown it away because it was crap. I said that was mean and she should have just let her take in her own work. She again laughed and said “I know, but I’m a perfectionist and wasn’t about to let her go in with that rubbish.”

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 08/02/2024 10:52

abouttogetlynched - Why is it OTT to email? If it bothers you that much then you need to let the school know.

My children's school stopped these competitions when it was obvious that parents were making the hats and other parents had complained.

MoltenLasagne · 08/02/2024 10:53

abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:51

And those saying how the kid must feel that her efforts aren’t good enough, you’re exactly right as the mum has before now thrown her kids creation in the bin and sent her in with what she’s made herself. Makes the situation worse if anything, but doesn’t change anything sadly. She was laughing tell me she had thrown it away because it was crap. I said that was mean and she should have just let her take in her own work. She again laughed and said “I know, but I’m a perfectionist and wasn’t about to let her go in with that rubbish.”

Following this update you need to let the school know. They need to intervene to prevent further harm to this girl's self esteem as much as for fairness to the other kids.

winesolveseverything · 08/02/2024 10:53

I think this says a lot about the school who are allowing this to happen.

It must be obvious.

When my son was in reception, they had an competition to make some sort of Easter model (I forget exactly what).
His was a jumble of play dough, tissue paper, lolly sticks and a tissue box. It was obvious what it was 'supposed' to be, but clearly done by a 5 year old!
Some of the feats of engineering I saw going into school that day were out of this world- but definitely not made by 4 and 5 year olds!
Anyway, at hometime, my son came out clutching a chocolate chicken the size of his head! He had got 1st prize!

Fair play to whoever judged those entries that day...

I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter- and you're right to feel annoyed - it isn't fair.

QueenBean22 · 08/02/2024 10:54

I can’t understand why the teachers are clearly picking a parent made item!

This is why I think these competitions should be done in school time on an afternoon

IdaPolly · 08/02/2024 10:54

Email the teacher and ask how much help you are supposed to give with the competition entries as the child who wins has a mum who always completely does it for her. Ask if you are supposed to do it for your dc too. Yes it'll look petty, but so what. At least it'll make the teacher aware and give the other kids a chance.

Original poster
abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:55

You’d think the mum would be embarrassed when her kid comes out with the prize or is announced as the winner, but she seems to think it’s very funny that her kid has won when she had no input in making it.
and the friend never admits that she didn’t make it herself, she just keeps quiet and enjoys reaping the rewards (can’t blame her for that TBF)

OP posts:
NachosAndCheese · 08/02/2024 10:55

My DS won a make a mask competition at school when he was in reception, because he’d made it himself! I wasn’t allowed to help. I was so proud of him and pleased with his teacher too.

WandaWonder · 08/02/2024 10:55

OK so you and your child are jealous, do the mature thing and just ignore it

It is non of your business

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