She always wins because she cheats!

[abouttogetlynched]

AIBU to be pissed off that my 8 y/os friends mum makes stuff for her kid for school when it’s supposed to be made by the kid and she ultimately wins every time for the best item?
She won best Easter bonnet competition and won a giant Easter egg, she won best something or other at Christmas and got extra breaks, she won something creative last year and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets. But the mum makes all these things for her and not only should it be very obvious to the teachers that it’s not been made by an 8 year old, but the mum tells me she’s made it all and laughs about it. The kid is never involved in helping or even gives ideas, and often doesn’t even see the item until it’s given to her on the day of the competition. The one at Christmas she hadn’t seen at all coz the mum just handed it in directly to school.
The kid never admits that she’s had no involvement in making it and gratefully accepts the rewards and attention lavished on her for always winning at these creative competitions. My DD is getting quite jealous at this friend apparently being so much better than her at things and always winning. Pisses me off.

We can all imagine how that mum/daughter relationship is going to turn out if this behavour continues, imagine the stress the poor child will be under when it comes to SATS and GCSE's. It's not fair on the other kids and it isn't nice for the child although she is currently enjoying the prizes etc. as deep down this must be having an effect on her self confidence. You can mention it to the teacher that's up to you. If your child is friends with this girl, why not invite her for a play date and give them arts/crafts activities and praise the girl for what she does might boost her self esteem?

Our school is great for this. They either don't do the competition and reward effort or they reward the children who have clearly made their own. Which is good for my DC because they are so fiercely independent they always make their own and no one else does!

That mum must be pretty crap at arts and crafts if school staff can't tell the difference!

There's one in every year. The child who's parents clearly do all the work on home model assignments.

I can tell you it's usually a bit of an in-joke among the school staff. X, y, z's parents have been up all night again i see!! 😃

It's not a problem at our school because we:

only give the awards for the offerings we KNOW were done by a child,

try to support the children who have no parental input (someone will try and take the time to sit with them and make the model at school)

acknowledge the unrealistically amazing offerings on the day, but shoe horn in the importance of 'trying to let kids do their own homework' at parents evenings.

If you want to mention it OP, do it when you're discussing your own child with the teacher. ''She's disheartened because everybody knows the genuinely child built stuff never tends to win anything.'' It might make some ears prick up.

The more I think about it, the less I agree with these competitions at all. Yes it's unfair when parents just do it for their child. But it's also unfair that some parents are able to provide a selection of materials to work with. It's unfair some parents have the time to sit for an extended period of time doing this stuff. Some parents work crazy hours. Some kids have multiple younger siblings who need watching. Some are young carers or live in chaos with depressed or alcoholic or drug addicted parents. It's not a level playing field in any way and for those who already have the odds stacked against them, it's just another way to fall short of more privileged kids.
They should do it in school where the only way to differentiate is through the efforts and ability of the child and they all have access to the same materials and support. It's such a shame in life we embed the gap between the haves and have have nots without even thinking about it.

Thank you, I’m so glad you suggested that. And as if by magic…
I am over it! Hooray, @Dinoswearunderpants saved the day!

See you in a couple of years when your DS has started school and you’re back on here voicing your “petty dramas”

No she’s brilliant! Which is what makes it more annoying because it’s clearly been done by a talented adult.

It is unfair. And I hate it when schools enable it. They know the parents are creating these amazing erupting volcanoes and fully working robot models yet they still give the kids the prizes!

@JudesBiggestFan i agree with you. And your whole post could say the same about bloody attendance awards!

exactly what we did for our kids! DS's Tudor house became DD's Tudor house 3 years later. DD didn't care; she didn't want to spend the time making it and agreed to just using DS's previous effort.

The mum is messing her kid up - that poor kid is going to land pretty hard when her mum's crafting skills are no longer cutting it.
At least your child will be independent and emotionally resilient.
Not your monkey, not your circus.

I would absolutely rinse the mother for this. Kid will struggle later in life, school will do very little. Here are my suggestions:

• rudely critique any work she submits before she gets the chance to tell you its her work - "God you can tell it was done by a child!"
• when she gloats say "Jesus I'd be depressed if I had to do my kids homework without them helping, must be knocking their self-esteem massively"
• when daughter wins, ask mum "Did you enjoy your prize?"

I have no time for annoying parents who behave like this so I might not be the best one to give advice 😆

She was laughing tell me she had thrown it away because it was crap. I said that was mean and she should have just let her take in her own work. She again laughed and said “I know, but I’m a perfectionist and wasn’t about to let her go in with that rubbish.”

i haven’t had a serious meeting with this mother but I have made comments such as the above. Only how it might affect her own child’s self esteem and confidence, nothing to do with any other kids thinking it’s unfair. She just laughs it off. I’ve also said to the girl in front of her mum that I bet her work is better than her mums and she should tell her mum to make her own to keep at home if she wants to get involved - just in a joking way of course. But nothing changes.

We used to do the Tudor House trick with the Easter Bonnet for the EB parade in reception 😂

I've got 4 kids and we passed the same darn tatty Easter bonnet down. Just sticking the occasional flower or chick on to fill a gap where something had fallen off. It would come out of the carrier bag and get unscrewed and flapped out about once every 2 years!

She's probably the mother in question.

I see this at our local agricultural show where an intricate model has clearly not been made by a 6 year old.

It's annoying and teaches the child nothing. As a PP has pointed out they will be on their own for exams, driving tests, interviews etc.

I feel sorry for any child who has a parent that feels the need to ‘win’ that badly.

The only way to stop this is to let the kids make their item in the classroom.

I think it’s crap @abouttogetlynched and I’d be annoyed too. It’s nothing to do with jealousy, it’s crap seeing your kid try their best with a craft project knowing they haven’t got a chance because it isn’t a level playing field. Like watching kids run the egg and spoon race against a parent who’s a county athlete. Look to the long game-your kids will grow up knowing their own efforts, that they won’t be disparaged by a parent because it’s crap and no helicopter mum trying to ,a,e them a star. They’re more likely to be rounded adults than a poor kid whose mum does everything for them and takes the kudos-and thinks it’s funny to demean her kid like that.

I’m a middle aged woman and I still smart that I could never win at any of these competitions . I remember silent tears down my face as we paraded round with our Easter bonnets for judging and mine was so lame compared to the mum done ones aged 9

Thank you. Yes I hope. We make a big deal of saying how great her work is and how we are so proud of the effort, outcome etc. But currently it seems like she’s been trodden down by not having the validation from school sadly. She sees her friend beating her all the time (sometimes justified like a maths quiz or a running race) and think it just makes her feel a bit crap despite what we say. We try to build her up but when her friend wins again it does sting I think.

I think some people are just deluded.

I very briefly worked as a babysitter/nanny in my university holidays, and when I went to one job with a couple of 3 year olds I was shown a drawing stuck to the fridge that was coloured in perfectly within the lines in all the ‘right’ colours and I was proudly told by the father that this was an example of his child’s work 🤨 now I didn’t have a lot of experience with kids but I knew a 3 year old hadn’t done it.

I once won a Halloween fancy dress competition when I was in brownies. I went as a witch and wore an old sack with string tied around the waist, a hat made of paper rolled in a cone shape painted black and carried my dad's paint kettle as a cauldron. Mine was by far the worst costume there and a couple had very intricate costumes. This was in the late 60's so there were hardly any shops selling outfits like they do now . Apparently the reason I won ( so Brown Owl told my mum) was because mine was the only one that actually looked like I'd made it.

People have different ideas as to what "winning" at life looks like.
I personally believe that part of the "positive" of doing things that interest you and bring you joy is the actual doing of these things, and not just the outcome.

In the same way doing your own work, be it homework or a job, regardless of the outcome, will lead to acceptance of oneself and help everyone find their own strengths. I believe this approach builds self confidence.

Other people see life differently and believe that by always "winning" or showing children what having high aspirations means, then they will instil a drive to gain higher positions in society because they enjoy all that goes with it; the limelight, the prizes ( which later translates to money). This approach might work well for some people, however it can be risky because it can lead to a feeling of "never being enough" and achieving things for others, rather than for oneself.

she won something creative last year and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets.
A big bag of sweets ,eh.
Really ?
Sure ?

ummmm, yep, I’m sure! Do they not have sweets where you live @Riapia?