She always wins because she cheats!

[abouttogetlynched]

AIBU to be pissed off that my 8 y/os friends mum makes stuff for her kid for school when it’s supposed to be made by the kid and she ultimately wins every time for the best item?
She won best Easter bonnet competition and won a giant Easter egg, she won best something or other at Christmas and got extra breaks, she won something creative last year and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets. But the mum makes all these things for her and not only should it be very obvious to the teachers that it’s not been made by an 8 year old, but the mum tells me she’s made it all and laughs about it. The kid is never involved in helping or even gives ideas, and often doesn’t even see the item until it’s given to her on the day of the competition. The one at Christmas she hadn’t seen at all coz the mum just handed it in directly to school.
The kid never admits that she’s had no involvement in making it and gratefully accepts the rewards and attention lavished on her for always winning at these creative competitions. My DD is getting quite jealous at this friend apparently being so much better than her at things and always winning. Pisses me off.

This happened regularly when I was a child. Mum made everything, little Susie got the prizes. It's horrible. It's also counterproductive for the child who wins. As a teacher I always chose the best of the children's work and never what was plainly an adult's presentation. That curbed the cheating a bit.

We have this at DS primary school - the prizes always go to either the item / decoration / story etc that it’s blatantly obvious the child’s parent has done as that child would never be capable of producing something of such a high standard, OR the prizes go to a kid who hasn’t bothered at all but has a completely uninvolved parent. I can’t get overly worked up about this sort of thing, but I do think it’s caddish of the parents to make children’s entries for them, and while I feel sorry for the kids with an uninterested parent, I just wish they would reward effort by the more middling artists / poets etc who have actually tried their hardest.

I think these sorts of things should be judged on effort given by the child, not judged on their circumstances or how involved the parent is.

It’s the same as lots of things at primary school, like weekly certificates - they only get given regularly to certain children and they definitely aren’t the bright ones just getting on with their work and being consistently well behaved 🙄 I just tell my children the truth about why certain kids always win or always get given house points, or certificates etc, and we talk about the intrinsic reward of doing things well and the longer term picture. But you’re right OP it doesn’t stop them being jealous in the moment, when little miss my-mummy-made-this gets another prize (although at our school it’s two competitive Daddies who always want their child to win the prize 😂).

My sister is a teacher, she says it’s obvious when a parent has made/done the homework and that child will never win if it’s for a competition. The crap offering, obviously made by the 4/5/6 year old will win every time. I’m really surprised OP that your school is allowing this child to win when it’s obviously been done by Mum!

From experience, even when you’ve helped make it or your child has made it and it looks amazing they will always choose the kid who’s on pupil premium and FSM grants. I work in a school. This is how it works and is openly talked about. Best mates are teachers! Is it fair, nope, but life isn’t.

It has always been the same! I remember my 3 year old's Easter Bonnet, which was an uncoordinated sticky mess, but all his own work. The winner was a beautiful two tone job, that could never have been done by a 3 year old. 36 years later I still remember it and still think it was unfair!

Just arrange a meeting with her teacher and discuss what is going on and how's she gonna be dealing with it?

I would not tolerate such an unfair situation.

The child’s mother sounds a bloody pain in the arse, reliving her school days awwww bless. Her poor child .

Our primary school put an end to this by getting the kids to do their projects entirely at school. The parents saw the model / craft items only when they were finished. It was a great move. It took the competitive pressure off the parents and ensured it was totally the children’s work.

It was funny to see how much the standard dropped the first year they introduced the change! The winning models were clearly no longer made by parents, 🤣

I used to have this happen at school. The one year my brother helped me a little bit mine was ruled out because someone had clearly helped me 🤦‍♀️.

The winner was yet again someone's Mum's efforts.

I've taught in a school where we had a winner for work done by a child and a winner for child who clearly had help. I don't think we called them that out loud though!

Don’t be so sure regarding TT rock stars; when they launched it a few years ago at my kids’ primary, lots of parents admitted doing it as they can log on at home. Made a mockery of ‘the league’!

This is so normal op
I still remember when my daughter was in reception when they had the easter bonnet competition
Me and my freind went shopping
Then we helped our kids (same class) make the bonnets
And we really thought wow we've all done well
Until we turned up on the playground to see the most elaborate sophisticated bonnets
Some of them looked like actual professional art work
And we're talking about 4-5 year olds here
Couldn't believe my eyes
Same with sports day
You had a parent helping her child in a kids tug of war race
Bizaare
Ridiculous
Stop competing I'd say and just learn how to have fun
High school will be a better playing field I guess lol

Seriously? A child is growing up with no sense of achievement for effort or talent, no participation, learning to lie, looking for easy options .... How happy or successful do you think that child is going to be? If you're right, then that's a really rubbish way to raise a child. But maybe just go into the school and complain directly that parents are being more competitive than children, and that all the kids need opportunities to shine on a level playing field with other kids. At age 8, help your child learn their 12x tables inside out. They'll be top of class every session, every single week, and confident to be really good at maths.

I can't believe this is still going on. My primary school had an annual art competition and exhibition. The first year, I made my own entries, went along to the exhibition and my DM pointed out that the winning entries were all done by parents including one who was an actual artist.

My DM took the "if you can't beat them, join them" approach. I designed all of my entries, scrupulously, but we executed them together. They were awesome and I won quite a few prizes. I didn't feel bad as someone else whose mum had done theirs would have won in my place. Sometimes you have to learn to play the game, not resent or try to change it.

That poor child

🤣🤣 sorry this made me laugh
just help your kid - who doesn’t?

I totally get you!
My daughter stopped putting in contributions in primary, as she said it was pointless as she knew she wouldn't have a chance.
I'm not sure why schools allow this to happen. I've always allowed ny daughter to create and do her own.
What is this behaviour teaching her kid ?

This is my husband....it's become a running joke between him and the teacher as he tries to outdo himself each year.
This horror is an Anderson Shelter, whatever that is....a trip to B&Q for expandable foam, posca pens foraged in the still of the night and a glue gun were all harmed in the making of it. Thankfully not one child was educated along the way..

This kind of thing goes on in every classroom up and down the country for a long time, there is always one parent who literally can’t stop themselves.
I remember when my sister and I were at primary school and there was a whole school competition to decorate an egg at Easter. There used to be some brilliant ideas but the rule was every part had to be made by the child in school time. One particular child would always manage to sneak in loads of bits made by a parent. Then lo and behold the judge every single year was the Dad of the very child in question. No prizes for guessing who won every single year as well… 🙄

This is only a funny, running joke if your child also gets to submit their own entry or if your DH’s entry is disregarded. Otherwise this type of behaviour from a parent is self-centred and egotistical.

I agree with all of this. It’s ridiculous.

Email the teacher using what the PP suggested about ‘how much should I be helping…?’

I get why it would be annoying for the other children but I also get why the teachers might do this tbh.