Page 3 | She always wins because she cheats!

Colinswheels · 08/02/2024 12:05

Yeah, this seems really unfair and like others I can't believe the school / teachers are continually awarding a prize to the same student. My DDs school doesn't usually do prizes but its still obvious that most parents help with / do the projects. I have tried not to help too much but its still hard not to compare her efforts against some of the other more advanced ones at times!

Sodndashitall · 08/02/2024 12:08

Next time there's one of these comps, email the teacher and ask how much parental effort is expected on these or is it a solo child thing. Just say you are unclear as you know some parents do the majority so you're checking what is expected

Blobblobblob · 08/02/2024 12:14

I feel really sorry for the girl. Her mum doesn't think she's good enough, that's crushing.

Funkyslippers · 08/02/2024 12:26

abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 10:28

AIBU to be pissed off that my 8 y/os friends mum makes stuff for her kid for school when it’s supposed to be made by the kid and she ultimately wins every time for the best item?
She won best Easter bonnet competition and won a giant Easter egg, she won best something or other at Christmas and got extra breaks, she won something creative last year and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets. But the mum makes all these things for her and not only should it be very obvious to the teachers that it’s not been made by an 8 year old, but the mum tells me she’s made it all and laughs about it. The kid is never involved in helping or even gives ideas, and often doesn’t even see the item until it’s given to her on the day of the competition. The one at Christmas she hadn’t seen at all coz the mum just handed it in directly to school.
The kid never admits that she’s had no involvement in making it and gratefully accepts the rewards and attention lavished on her for always winning at these creative competitions. My DD is getting quite jealous at this friend apparently being so much better than her at things and always winning. Pisses me off.

If it was me I'd have a word with the receptionist at the school next time a competition is coming up, and say please can they put a note in the newsletter that the children should be encouraged to make the item themselves!

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 08/02/2024 12:26

It's a school problem though. When dd3 was at primary, they were incredibly careful that acknowledgment only went to the child's efforts. Its bloody obvious!

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 08/02/2024 12:29

But I think at 8 you just tell dd that life is not fair! Eldest dd had this sussed by the end of reception " if you are really naughty and not so naughty, you get a reward. I'm never naughty and never get anything for being good all the time" yes kid you are 100% right on that but carry on being good because.....

sockinapot · 08/02/2024 12:31

and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets

I’m not from the UK, is this really a normal thing to do? And what’s with all the competitions?

Bargello · 08/02/2024 12:33

The school is to blame here. It is SO obvious when a parent has made an item, or "helped" excessively with an item and when a child has done it themselves.

IdaPolly · 08/02/2024 12:36

sockinapot · 08/02/2024 12:31

and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets

I’m not from the UK, is this really a normal thing to do? And what’s with all the competitions?

No, I wouldn't say it's normal. Nor is getting extra breaks. It sounds a bit boring sitting on the throne all day

Minion21 · 08/02/2024 12:37

OP, stop being angry about this. This girl's mum is damaging her own daughter. She's not helping her to develop her own ideas, to work hard, even to fail. At some point in the future her mummy won't be there to help and this girl will find herself totally unprepared for life. I feel sorry for this girl.

sockinapot · 08/02/2024 12:37

IdaPolly · 08/02/2024 12:36

No, I wouldn't say it's normal. Nor is getting extra breaks. It sounds a bit boring sitting on the throne all day

Show quote history

Also being rewarded with chocolates and sweets, it would never happen here.

MrsJellybee · 08/02/2024 12:38

DD’s school deliberately avoid the likely parent-made items

CammyChameleon · 08/02/2024 12:38

As I always say to my kids, "your teacher wants to know what you can do, not what I can do". The mother's doing her daughter no favours, and I'd probably say as much "your daughter's meant to be learning these skills and showing what she can do at age 8, not what her mum can do in her 30s".

Original poster

abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 12:39

sockinapot · 08/02/2024 12:31

and got to sit on a ‘throne’ all day at school and a big bag of sweets

I’m not from the UK, is this really a normal thing to do? And what’s with all the competitions?

It’s weird right? It was actually just a classroom chair with some kind of blanket on it but they were calling it a throne. She was allowed to sit in this special ‘throne’ all day and the other kids brought her her snacks and workbooks and such like as though they were her servants. They all thought it was fun at the time, none of the kids were put out by it, but thinking back to it now it does sound weirder than it seemed hearing about it at time.

OP posts:

Angelik · 08/02/2024 12:45

@WandaWonder it's not jealousy. It's the injustice

Emptyandsad · 08/02/2024 12:45

Hmmm. You want the school to make an assessment of how much parents contribute to their kids homework and call out the ones that do too much. However you're not prepared to call out this mum when she actually boasts to you about it. And this is damaging to her own child who doesn't learn the skills she needs to learn, and gets to expect rewards from someone else's efforts. But from your point of view this damages you own child (and the others in the class) in that she doesn't get the rewards that she deserves for her own efforts.

Stand up for your child and letthis mum know that what she is doing is not acceptable and certainly not funny

2dogsandabudgie · 08/02/2024 12:45

abouttogetlynched - Not sure I believe you now with your last post. The other children bringing her snacks and her workbooks, oh come on!

Jl2014 · 08/02/2024 12:48

The person she’s cheating most is her daughter. Out of a sense of accomplishment; the learnings she would get from doing these things herself; a sense of personal responsibility; the creativity she would no doubt develop and probably lots more. Some short term wins for some long term drawbacks. More fool her.

FasterthanaButteredOtter · 08/02/2024 12:48

, and say please can they put a note in the newsletter that the children should be encouraged to make the item themselves!

Like the competitive perfectionist parents are going to give a fuck what the newsletter says

Angelik · 08/02/2024 12:48

Minion21 · 08/02/2024 12:37

OP, stop being angry about this. This girl's mum is damaging her own daughter. She's not helping her to develop her own ideas, to work hard, even to fail. At some point in the future her mummy won't be there to help and this girl will find herself totally unprepared for life. I feel sorry for this girl.

@abouttogetlynched this

Original poster

abouttogetlynched · 08/02/2024 12:51

2dogsandabudgie · 08/02/2024 12:45

abouttogetlynched - Not sure I believe you now with your last post. The other children bringing her snacks and her workbooks, oh come on!

Honestly 😂 was just a bit of fun for the day. It was something like being queen for the day so she got to choose where in the classroom to sit in this special chair. And when she needed things they would bring them to her. It wasn’t anything too serious and like I say they all seemed to take it in good humour. But I agree it does sound weird.

OP posts:

KaiserChefs · 08/02/2024 12:52

YANBU. Our school had a pumpkin competition and DS spent time actually making his own (he is 4) and we sent the photos in. They took 3 weeks to get back to us and it was clear they thought it was shit and didn't appreciate his effort. Then the person who actually won it was clearly someone's parent. No 4 year old can carve a pumpkin like that.
It's put me off getting DS to try to do any of these things.

I remember it being the same when I was at primary school. One girl's mum did all her homework with her for her and the girl was the teacher's favourite. She won every debate because her mum wrote her speeches. She always had the best art, short story or costume because her mum did it for her. She was fairly average at anything she had to do by herself and when she got to high school and had to do things on her own merit she didn't cope and had to be moved to a different school where her dad was a teacher. My parents couldn't care less about school so I won nothing.

I wonder what life was like when she actually had to be an adult and stand on her own two feet.

Prunesqualler · 08/02/2024 12:52

We had a boy at our school whose mum did this.
Even did his homework. In the early days he would copy the answers but as the years went on he couldn’t even be bothered to copy it out. The teachers used to comment in class that the writing wasn’t his.
Ultimately he didn’t do well in school at all, he became entitled, lazy and rude to his parents.
The expectation that they do everything for him made him this way I believe. He even expected them to find friends for him with the mother constantly texting my twins asking if they could be friends. His attitude to everyone and everything leading to his selfishness left him alone.

This is not a healthy way to bring up a child and if it continues you will see how she too may become very isolated.

It’s very sad for the child, maybe in time the mother will come to realise it.

Anyotherdude · 08/02/2024 12:54

Oh @abouttogetlynched I feel your pain! My DD used to have the same experience at her primary school.
I used it as a learning opportunity, to teach her that life isn’t fair, but we don’t lower ourselves to the same level by getting upset about it. Also that the school friend (SF), and her DM would be hit by Karma at some point. Then bought her the same prize, both for the effort of making it herself, and for being grown-up about it!
Of course, staying in touch with her primary school friends, DD was able to see for herself just when Karma hit - she was the one who supported the SF through it! I am very proud of her…

Dinoswearunderpants · 08/02/2024 12:54

I am dreading my DS starting school for all this petty drama.

Who honestly gives a damn!! Get over it. You sound like a spoilt child complaining. It's so sad. You're an adult!!!