Why are men like this? Working or not to work

[Teenangels]

I am very lucky as I know the COL is effecting everyone at the moment.

I work fulltime, 4 day working week, and have 4 kids although they are now nearly adults/adults. My husband runs his own successful business.

Now here is the issue he can not understand why I would work, in a stressful job that I love. I stayed at home when the children were younger but once they went to school. I went back to work, the kids to private school, so had clubs and wraparound care, so it was easy for me to be at work. He does not do anything around the house and never has

My husband is wants me to be at home, go out for lunch, the gym, and meet out with friends.

Why are men so bloody old fashioned and dare I say proud that they can "keep" a woman.

@user1477255159 This is interesting. So what defines a "good man"?
And he "expected" you to give up work and gives you an "allowance"?!
Is this tongue-in-cheek?!!!

I agrée with him !

Racist stereotype of travellers.

I think you should change the way you perceive it, since you can afford it he just wants you to enjoy your life to the fullest (which to him, and most people doesn't involve work)
I agree with this, but why doesn't it apply equally to him? Strange that that he doesn't want you to enjoy life together.

@Zampa I was just about to say EXACTLY the same!! That's like saying my boys are from parents who divorced when they were 3 and 6 and grew up in a tiny rented house a lot of the time so no way is my son going to get in at Oxford or Cambridge (he's on track for 4 A* at A-Level so not too shabby, you know, considering).

I would love this!

You probably don't even agree with my definition of who a man is, so I won't bother giving you a definition of who a good man is if you had to ask that question having read the thread.

@user1477255159 Definitely not if you're basing the contents of a man's character upon the size of his wallet!!

Well I'm assuming one of them has to work otherwise he'd retire too?

A man wanting to support his wife. Bleugh indeed. Some of the women on here have been completely brainwashed 😳 I'd find it more off-putting if my husband insisted I worked a stressful job even though it wasn't necessary just to be 'equal'. Completely batshit comments on here 🤣 He's not chaining her to the kitchen or the bedpost, he's telling her to go out and enjoy spending time with her friends ffs!!

@Nofilteritwonthelp Flip it the other way re him and her...
Wife goes out to work ft to provide for the family whilst hubby "goes out and has fun with his friends."

Why is he telling her anything when OP has made it clear that she loves her job? It's weird that despite knowing this, he still wants OP at home.

That's what would be 'bleugh' to me.

TBH he obviously knows you don't desperately need the money, so I guess he is very money driven (nothing wrong with that as a business owner) so does not quite see the value you get out of working. Maybe he hears you sometimes moan and takes it as, well, why do it then?
It's annoying but you like it and he's not trying to make you stop. If he did that you could tell him to stuff it and that you will not do that. Otherwise, take it as a difference in attitude to career/work. It is also old fashioned. Why is it better to have lunch than do something meaningful? haha. You are right.

Exactly, most women wouldn't be ok with this, what is your point? I'd say it's usually because the man has it easier anyway so not working would annoy most women? If my husband was proactive and did everything around the house I don’t think if have an issue with it (he's not, so this is unlikely to ever happen! In saying that he's had a few sabbaticals and so have I)

Fair if she wants to and enjoys work (she did say she finds it stressful, so I can understand if he's like why bother). I do think most of these comments are really weird though, almost like all your self worth is tied up in having a job. I enjoy my job (mostly), but would leave in a flash if I won the lottery. I have so many more better things I can think of spending with my time than work

Surely it's no more weird than some men who seem to have all of their self worth tied up in having their wives at home? Yet it seems to be more acceptable.

Though I don't think it's weird to take pride in working, it isn't all about the money for some people. Especially if they love their job, it can have several advantages that have nothing to do with finances.

I think you really need to dig a little deeper, if I recall you also don't have any respect for SAHM from other threads. There's more to life than work and money. I don't think OPs husband has his self worth tied up to her being at home 🙄 more that he's happy for her to live her best life? But sure if that means she wants to work top it doesn't sound like he actually has a problem with it

You don't know how lucky you are.

I don't have any issues with individual SAHM's, my issues are with society as a whole and the sexist double standards between men and women.

Such as men are rarely told that there's more to life than work and money but if a woman enjoys her job? It's almost always trotted out on here. Not to mention the fact that it also means their self worth is tied up in having a job but again, men who enjoy working aren't told that either.

Absolutely agree with you re double standards, but really all you're doing is saying women should get an equally shitty raw deal. Now women get the 'privilege' of doing the bulk of the childcare, the mental load AND they have to work as well! Seems like a race to the bottom to me. In this very rare case, the husband actually appreciates his wife and all that she has done and is telling her to have a bit of the break, yet all many women (with a chip on their shoulder imo) can do is say what scum he is. That's why I'm finding so many comments in her very, very weird

This is literally how the whole concept of staying at home with children started, a few centuries ago with the emergence of a middle class. It was all about making a public show of one’s status - that you were earning enough to support your wife and family. It was never about what was best for women, or children.

I'm not saying that at all because equality doesn't just apply to working outside of the home, it applies to everything.

I don't think he's scum but I do think if he was genuine about her having a break then he wouldn't be leaving everything around the house up to OP.

Last comment from me as I don't want to derail, but surely staying at home with your children is the best thing for your children, up to a certain age anyway. I honestly feel reading some of the comments on here women have been completely brainwashed (to their detriment). Other cultures generally have the mother or at least grandmother looking after the children, and these are poor people not rich people.

This!

I was answering a direct question