Why are men like this? Working or not to work

[Teenangels]

I am very lucky as I know the COL is effecting everyone at the moment.

I work fulltime, 4 day working week, and have 4 kids although they are now nearly adults/adults. My husband runs his own successful business.

Now here is the issue he can not understand why I would work, in a stressful job that I love. I stayed at home when the children were younger but once they went to school. I went back to work, the kids to private school, so had clubs and wraparound care, so it was easy for me to be at work. He does not do anything around the house and never has

My husband is wants me to be at home, go out for lunch, the gym, and meet out with friends.

Why are men so bloody old fashioned and dare I say proud that they can "keep" a woman.

Men was a generalised comment which was wrong.

You're obviously very well off, why don't you both reduce your hours and enjoy life?

Nobody is guaranteed a retirement, so you might as well enjoy some downtime rather than potentially working till you drop.

I may reduce my hours in a few years but at the moment I don’t want to, because I will get bored.

I am mid/late forties and when the last child wants to move out, is working then I will give up work to travel, but at the moment I can’t as the youngest is still at school.

My exh was also like this.

I just ignored him tbh, it was no skin off my nose as I liked working and his view didn't alter that, if was his view and that's all.

I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

I do ignore him, but can’t see why he thinks like this unless it’s his ego talking.

If you were dependent on him the dynamic would change and he probably wouldn’t like it!

You’re my kind of woman. I’d never be financially dependent on a man. I’m in my 30s and it still is fairly normal to not be able to ‘survive’ without the (majority) salary of the male partner, hope this will change.

I think you should change the way you perceive it, since you can afford it he just wants you to enjoy your life to the fullest (which to him, and most people doesn't involve work)

I suppose I that is a way I should look at it, he wants me to enjoy life, as he says that when the children were little and I was working part time while he was working so hard to start our business. I worked harder than him.

My DH is not like this thank fuck
I would not have married someone with those views

Well there you go then, clearly he appreciates all that you do and have done

So you knew this before you had youe first child and now 4 later this surprises you? no not all men are like this but we just pick and stay with the ones that arent

I think you should read the thread

It's mildly annoying but not the worst. My husband is the opposite, he gets wierdly bitchy about "kept wives", ladies of leisure at gym/lunches in the week. He judges mums who don't work (including his own sister) and I suspect it is because he can't provide me with that lifestyle. He'd never admit it though.

I work full time to pay kids school fees and for myself. Not dependent on him.

His views have changed since we became more successful.

Because they are raised in a sexist society just as women are. They are taught from a very young age to be 'providers' and it is always assumed that women would rather be SAHM's than work themselves.

Not all men are like that though, I'm the higher earner and DH is incredibly proud of me. He wouldn't dream of wondering why I don't reduce my hours because he admires my work ethic and career aspirations.

It would give me the ick, to be honest.

Mines the same - old fashioned - would like me at home but I've always felt lucky to have a decent chap who provides and a job I love so I ignore him!

Quite.

I'm mid 40s. Technically I would not need to work in terms of money. But I love my job because it is intellectually fulfilling and keeps my mind engaged. I would not give it up even if you paid me to stay home.

If you enjoy the job, stick with it. Don't sit at home just because husband thinks that is the social norm in your circles.

I recognise what you are describing, sounds like same as me this is an idea that takes you by surprise when it is first expressed because it doesn't entirely fit with the man you thought you knew.

In my case, we'd known each other since before medical school, graduated at the same time and married before our intern jobs (F1 equivalent). Pay scales the same, but different rotations at different hospitals with varying overtime. Paid fortnightly. First rotation, I didn't have overtime. 2nd rotation I had a LOT of overtime and suddenly my pay was greater than my husbands - and he didn't like it at all! I was shocked to say the least, I'd not processed how much our backgrounds were different despite a lot of apparent similarities, and until then hadn't dreamt that he'd been brought up with such outdated values.

It kind of settled down, but he didn't know how to support my career aspirations effectively when they started getting derailed after we had children. Despite sometimes expressing dislike of the "pressure" our family situation has put on him, he's seemed happy to leave me muddling along eventually finding part-time self-employment. He'd probably not recognise my description though because part of the problem has been totally different styles when it comes to wanting or giving help.

I should probably have predicted at least part of it, since he was first in family to go to university (although his father is pretty astute in his field), whereas my parents both had degrees (though again, they were first-in-family at uni too).

In my experience, your husband is unusual. My husband and every other partner I've had have expected me to contribute and pull my financial weight. Not commenting on what is right or wrong but I thing most modern men feel that way unless they're earning megabucks. I obviously don't know many rich people!

It makes him feel and look more like a "man" if he is the sole provider.
Bleugh.

I’m 53 and if DH earned enough for me to leave work I’d be handing my notice in tomorrow (that’s just me though)
Ive had the same job for 36 years, work bloody hard for not a fabulous wage (although better than most in my profession) I’ve raised 2 ND sons and quite frankly I’m ready for a break!

My very wealthy ex-husband tried time and time again to encourage me to leave my career behind.
Thank God I didn't because when I left for my own safety with the kids we needed somewhere to live and food to eat.
Never rely on anyone financially.

Congratulations OP! You've chosen a good man and a good career that suits you. I'm not responsible for any bills in our home, my DH does most of the cooking and he gives me an allowance. He expected me to give up work when we have children but I said I'll do for a couple of years maximum.

Even if part time I'll keep working and I'm very blessed to have my DH.

😂