Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

Explain to Gym Buddy that you over heard her by mistake and you'd like to with draw the invitation.
It'syour wedding and you don't want to invite people who don't respect the sanctity of marriage. Simples. Explain that you will not be inviting her cheating boyfriend either.
Shame about their spouses but what can you do?

Otherwise you could invite them all, seat them together along with a friend/photographer who will takes notes and pictures. for you to study afterwards before you write a best selling wedding novel.

Could you have over heard something not exactly like you think?
Could it have been the explanation of a dream?
Could Gym Buddy have been telling a story from years ago before they were married to others?

I think from everyone’s replies people have had different experiences. And they would act according to those experiences.

Very true, hense why I would tell my friend. I've been on the other end and was told. Very thankful she did, she picked the phone up and rang me without thinking about it.

I cant believe genuine friends could sit on something like that, it would eat me alive. I love my mates. But we're all different I suppose and I understand everyone elses opinion. Do what sits right with you.

Decent friends are not complicit, you need to tell them. I would never forgive a friend if they withheld such a serious lie.

Well, based on your question as phrased here, and your clear distress over it and because you and your fiance are friends with all 4 people in question by the sound of it....

I would ask to meet up with your female friend who is cheating, and your male friend who is cheating, for a quick chat. Don't tell them you've invited them both. Be at the meeting location first. Then make it clear what you heard, how you can't be in this position comfortably, especially with everyone invited to your wedding, and that they need to come clean with their spouses or you will. As you can not stand there and pretend you don't know, especially at your own wedding, as that wouldn't be fair to their betrayed spouses who are your friends, too.

It sounds very dramatic, but you can be very straightforward about it. THey tell and sort it out, or you do.

I, too, would want to be told. That is the most decent response. I would have to clarify the truth of it first with Gym Buddy.

I would just carry on as if I hadn’t heard anything. If I intended to invite them before, then I would just go ahead and invite them.

I think you have two options.

1. Tell both of their spouses. I don't understand see the point of quietly excluding them from the wedding. If you feel strongly about this, tell them. As others have said, unfortunarely be prepared to lose both friendships, however unfair that may be.

2. Do nothing. They are almost certainly not going to be the only people at your wedding who have had an affair. You will get to retain your friendships. Nobody knows you know, so if it comes out later, you won't take any flack for not saying anything. This isn't your burden to bear.

I would personally go with option 2. Marriages are complicated, you don't know all of what goes on, so keep out of it.

Ignorance is bliss OP. I think if it were me I’d pretend I’d heard nothing and carry on!

This is not a matter of opinion or judging. The gym lady has shown that she has no respect for her marriage vows: that's a fact. Therefore to preserve the op's sanity that day I think she should tell her in private what she heard and that she cannot in good conscience have either of the couples there because it would spoil her enjoyment of the day. I cannot imagine getting married whilst thinking of the two poor people who don't know their marriage is in trouble or the two people who have renaged on their wedding vows, it would utterly spoil it for me.

I can't believe some of the comments here.

It may not be 2024Bride's business who is shagging who, but it is her business who comes to her wedding. If she feels uncomfortable having those people there, on what most of you here would probably call her 'big day', then it risks being spoilt by the presence of these people and they simply should not be there.

It doesn't matter whether the rest of us would be fine with this. OP is not and that's what matters.

OP, just tell the one you overheard that you know about it and the invite is withdrawn and also tell the other person that they won't be invited after all. As pp have said, they can explain the situation to their other halves.

It's sooo Eastenders! Dramaz at the wedding!

Not your circus, not your monkeys....

Having been in a similar situation 15 years ago, very little good comes of this. I was going to take an anonymous approach, but another friend told the wife about her husbands affair with a workmate while I was still dithering. The person was swiftly dropped by couple in question who are still a couple to this date....

In another case a workmate of mine was "let go" after exposing a director/employee affair.

Age has taught me that there is a LOT of this going on particularly in the workplace and while I am privately judgemental I no longer think about getting at all involved.

Personally I would ignore it completely and continue to invite who you planned.

1)You don't have to have anyone at your wedding that you don't want there
2) It's hardly your business who is shagging whom, is it?

If I was you Id pretend I didn't hear anything and carry on as normal. And not tell anyone what I had heard. Its not your business and no one ever thanks the messenger in this scenerio.

😂

Ok, I thought about this on my break. There are different views including the possibility of open marriages. We may think we know everything about friends, even good friends but very often we don't. On this account I'd stay well clear of saying anything. Sadly the fact remains whether you say anything or not your views of those particular friends will have changed forever. You don't need to say you heard anything,
especially if there's an agreement.Unfortunately you will never know. My sister got involved with telling a friend she suspected her DH was cheating with another friends wife so she confronted them both. He was but the rumour transpired it was with her husband and she knew 🤦‍♀️ The friendship didn't last cause she felt cheated by them all. That's life.

Personally I’d say something to my friends - if they fall out with you and longer attend and their cheating partner also doesn’t attend - or if they accept what you’ve told them for the honest gesture it was meant as and attend the wedding without cheating partners - then the issue is solved.

Either way the cheaters won’t be attending

id hate to find out my friends knew and didn’t tell me.

I would uninvite gym friend and tell her why.

Other friend would also be told they were not being invited and why.

Tbh, depending on how close I was to the injured parties, I would probably tell them too...

I am sorry that this happened to you.

I don't get involved in other people's marriages and relationships. OP needn't either. I suspect that it's more to do with not wanting her marriage 'tainted' and if that's the case, it's immature and unnecessary. That said, her and her fiance's wedding and she should perhaps be asking him if this is so important to her and I wonder why she's not doing that? Nobody here's opinion matters.

Perhaps I'm not a decent person in your view but there's no need to write off my experience and opinion as 'bullshit' either.

Can't actually believe how many people would withhold this info from a good friend. I'd take a bet on 100% of those people fucking their friend off the second they found out their friend knew something like that and kept quiet!

I would stay out of it. I don't see how them attending your wedding is going to make any difference.
Affairs are really common, you sound a bit sheltered!
There is nothing you can do about someone else's relationship unfortunately.

I’ve been there. The discovery of a five year affair was horrific, but finding out that a number of my closest friends knew and didn’t tell me was heartbreaking. I’ve never spoken to them since. It’s completely unforgivable as far as I’m concerned.

@ShoePalaver sheltered though? Really? Do you often have friends from your same circle shagging one another while you're the only one who has accidentally been made aware of this info? I wouldnt say its common and it definitely doesn't equal someone being sheltered!

@Menomeno exactly!