£108 on his soft drinks every month

[Rainbowsworms]

I've been going through our expenditures today after realising how much money was going out of the account every month. I haven't kept a close eye on outgoings - I will own that. I have ADHD and it's not my strong point.

I have calculated that DP is spending £108 per month on his drinks alone.

He refuses to drink water/juice/cordial and moans when there's no fizzy pop, so he insists on buying a big bottle of lemonade from the corner shop most days at £2 a go, so thats £60 per month.

If that wasn't bad enough, he has atleast one Monster energy drink every night. They cost £1.60 so £48 per month.

£108 per month on fucking drinks.

AIBU to think that is bloody ridiculous.

@Tryingmybestadhd

£108 is not that much , if he replaces fizzy drinks with a single coffee or tea it will be more than that

More than that for tea and coffee made at home?!

If dh is spending £800 in 10 days then I don't think the £108 a month in fizzy drinks and monster is the main problem. Of course it is a bad habit but he's an adult and if he can afford it fine but where is the rest of the monies going? How much of OP's money is he going through in the 2 and a half weeks to pay day?
Surely as regards phone credit his monthly plan should come out of joint money and if he prefers buying lunch at work it should come out of his wages. If the family is trying to cut costs you could discuss both of you taking lunch from home.

I don't understand why grown adults want to drink fizzy pop all the time. Fair enough occasionally, I'm partial to the pomegranate San pellegrino in hot weather but I've never brought it honestly even. We drink water principally, with tea, coffee and squash sometimes

Fuck me sideways, the lack of reading comprehension on here at the moment is making me angry 😂 it’s happening across all threads! And almost everyone is being an arsehole to every OP who starts a thread.

The fuck is going on?!

Yes because people who are out most of the day often go back home to make tea or coffee . Honestly it’s like people here live in lala land and don’t know how much things cost

I'd be more worried about his health than what he's spending on crappy drinks. He must have severe gut rot and/or chronic inflammation.

@WhichIsItWendy I was comparing it to someone who drinks a lot more, and therefore it costs more. It could be 10 cans of red bull, 10 bottles of perrier..I was not commenting on the health side, just the financial. I do genuinely think what she says he drinks is not that bad for anything other than his health.

I’ve created an account just to reply to this thread because - oh my god I’ve been there. The pop. The frequent visits to the shop. The spending my bloody money and not taking responsibility for managing his own.

Actually, my chap was also an alcoholic and daily weed buyer too, so it was worse… but it’s a difficult one even without that.

First thing is the behaviour. Inappropriate and compulsive consumption of treat food (and sweet drinks would count here), and regular buying things for yourself are two absolutely textbook self-medication behaviours for clinical depression. I’m not saying he is depressed - though it’s worth considering - just that my feeling is that this isn’t about thirst or hunger. It’s a behaviour that has become ritualised for him. It makes him feel happy/loved/safe/comfortable or some other emotional need - and the roots of this may be in childhood.

The actual trip to the shop may have become part of the ritual too, which may make the bulk purchase plans less appealing.

I don’t have a cure for ritualised self-medication behaviour, btw. Sorry! But it may stop you tearing your hair out if you don’t expect it to be rational.

The other thing I wanted to speak to was the money - because I know that frustration of an intelligent adult refusing to plan and control their spending. When I think about this, it’s the deepest, most unhealed part of the hurts of that relationship. And again, I don’t have advice to change him. Although he was ashamed when you told him how it makes you feel, he already passed any internal boundaries about wasting your money, your children’s money, a long time ago. Because he’s not an idiot and he’s not a five year old. He might hate himself for it, but he already knew it wasn’t okay and he carried on with the spending. (Buying lunches out!? Ffs).

I hope I’m wrong, and just projecting because of the similarities. But if he doesn’t immediately take responsibility for making his own fun money last the month, I don’t think he will. And much as I hate how cavalierly the internet tells people to leave their relationships - a man who deliberately wastes your money, who makes you be the only financial grown up in the relationship - is a man who will do you great hurt over the years.

I would not want to be financially enmeshed to this man.

if he's not going to reduce it then get him to buy in bulk cheaper.. Also lemonade is about 17p... go one a month, buy 30 bottles...

It’s called being human and actually living without constantly being stressed , I don’t co wider coffee an issue at all .The op doesn’t say anywhere she can’t pay her bills or that she is stressed about money ? I’m assuming you don’t drink coffee or tea , juices , fizz , alcohol, eat red meats , smoke etc ? You are 100% healthy ( to your weird parameters probably ) ?

She's commented that they're in debt and that her partner runs out of money 1.5 weeks into the month. In what way is that not financially stressful?

I drink tea and a few cans of coke a week. I haven't claimed to be the healthiest human. But I also have plenty of money and the money I spend on these (unhealthy) drinks doesn't impact our lifestyle at all. I also think 3 cups of tea a day and 3 cans of pop a week is probably much healthier than OPs partner.

If someone's in debt and struggling to stay afloat each month, of course they shouldn't be spending £108/month on crappy drinks. Thought that would be obvious to any adult really?

Get a Soda Stream, and a doctors appointment for DP. A huge energy drink every day is seriously bad for you!!

Have you seen the programme Secrets of Your Supermarket Shop. If not, get him to watch it, a few weeks back there was a bloke on it who drank copious amounts of coke. Apart from the finances, it's an incredibly unhealthy habit!

Completely insane considering the impact on his dental health and overall health.

There was a Michael Moseley prog on recently where the husband drank a lot of pop. He looked and felt so much better after giving it up.

It depends. Is it 100 that you can't afford to spend? Are you willing to cut out your little luxuries if he does? Then it's probably reasonable to expect to discuss it.

You need to assess what you spend on every single thing each month and then agree a budget. You might just find out that your partner thinks mascara, hair straighteners, false nails, tattoos, new clothes, kebabs, are a waste of money. And then you need to think about what financial goals you have? What do you want to save up for? And how many hours are you each working? Or are you not working and just squabbling over what the tax payer is funding for you?

A monster every evening? Does he sleep?

That's very possible. A friend of mine was diagnosed with T2 diabetes a few years ago. He was addicted to cola consuming between 2L and 4L a day which he'd done for years but gave up after his diabetes diagnosis.
He looks a lot better now.

Everyone saying how unhealthy this is because of all the sugar is completely flummoxing me, try and find a full sugar drink apart from Coke nowadays. I’d be worried about all the poisonous sweeteners he’s ingesting.
there’s no range of full sugar drinks unless you pay a fortune I should know as I’m allergic to sweeteners.

Do you have to drink wine and cappuccino to be a proper adult then? It’s utterly bizarre that you look down on your husband for drinking pop and milkshakes.

If you RTFT you’d see the OP and her husband both work, but she earns more.

Never mind the cost to your pocket. What about the cost to his health?

he has a problem

Are there 1ltr bottles that they can buy instead? I find if I buy a bigger bottle I drink more. Frankly, monster doesn't provide what people think it does. It really doesn't have that much caffeine and all the rest is in a multivitamin. It is basically just a sugary drink. Even if he wants to keep drinking it, multipacks are cheaper. I buy mine on subscription from Amazon and get a discount for that as well. Is that something available?
My dad used to buy a half gallon of chocolate milk and donuts every morning for about $5 along with at least a 2 ltr of coke per day. But he doesn't now that he is retired. He gets coke, but they buy it on sale and only gets the rest on weekends and not every weekend.

I had an addiction to sugar free energy pop, from Farm Foods. 1ltr bottles and we bought 48 bottles a month for me and more after that if I ran out! But then I came up with the idea of getting another Sodastream (had one years ago, until the door sprained!)
Anyway, I bought it in September, got a deal, machine, gas bottle, 5 concentrates and a bottle for £49-99. And it's saved us an absolute fortune!!! I don't even bother with the concentrates, I bought extra bottles so that there's always cold water in the fridge and use it for plain soda only. You get 60 bottles from one can of gas and The Range swap empty gas bottles for new ones for £11!
(As it happens, I don't seem to have any issue with caffeine, I could drink 2 bottles up to bedtime and still sleep!)
But the Sodastream was the best ever option for me! Mine's a Terra, really easy to use and no door to sprain! Doesn't take up much room either! I'd seriously consider that for him and the kids, you can just add squash to the soda water if you don't want to buy the concentrates...