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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£108 on his soft drinks every month

311 replies

Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 17:33

I've been going through our expenditures today after realising how much money was going out of the account every month. I haven't kept a close eye on outgoings - I will own that. I have ADHD and it's not my strong point.

I have calculated that DP is spending £108 per month on his drinks alone.

He refuses to drink water/juice/cordial and moans when there's no fizzy pop, so he insists on buying a big bottle of lemonade from the corner shop most days at £2 a go, so thats £60 per month.

If that wasn't bad enough, he has atleast one Monster energy drink every night. They cost £1.60 so £48 per month.

£108 per month on fucking drinks.

AIBU to think that is bloody ridiculous.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 06/02/2024 21:37

yes It’s been noted he’s feckless and spend own money in 1.5 week and then taps up @Rainbowsworms

Original poster
Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 21:39

weirdoboelady · 06/02/2024 21:08

I'm going to focus in on these Walkers crisps for your DS, as I understand that the autistic mind wants what it wants! And I'm going to tell you generally to

*
stay out of the corner shop - they are the most expensive places going
*
(apart from tourist traps, but that's a whole other story).

I am a mystery shopper and price collector and can tell you the following

  • Walkers are MUCH cheaper in bulk
  • they are in that category of foods that are on special offer in supermarkets half the time. Stock up while they're on offer!
  • they are sold in Lidl for less than most supermarkets
  • check the weight of the bags - there are LOTS of different sizes.

If I had an autistic child who ate Walkers as one of their main food groups I would email the company to ask where you can buy in serious bulk (and/or find a friend with a Macro account).

And I'd be pointing out to DH about the corner shop thing. If he resists, I'd be buying in bulk myself, hiding them and selling them back to him maybe slightly cheaper than the corner shop. (Addressing the health thing where you can as a separate issue).

Hope some of these help!

Edited

Thank you that's very helpful 🙂

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 06/02/2024 21:39

You're enabling him actually.

Stop subbing him!

He is an addict. Those drinks will kill him if he doesn't quit.

What is he self medicating for? Do you know?
But seriously, STOP SUBBING HIM.

Isitautumnyet23 · 06/02/2024 21:41

daffodilandtulip · 06/02/2024 21:09

@Isitautumnyet23 Firstly, I said "we", not just "they". Secondly, you know people are "kids" until they are 18? Mumsnet is mad.

And you know 6 bottles of pop a week is so incredibly unhealthy for a family of adults, even worse if children are regularly drinking it. I would be very concerned for any family drinking that between them. You only have ask a GP/dentist.

I think my parents bought one or two back in the 90’s before there was as much information out there as there is now. My Mum wouldn’t buy the stuff at all now (maybe a bottle of coke or lemonade at Xmas). It’s abit of a running joke what we all used to eat/drink before all the information on how awful they are was widely known.

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/02/2024 21:41

TeenLifeMum · 06/02/2024 19:44

Wow, I drink coffee, wine and gin - if my dh dictated I couldn’t drink those anymore despite me being an adult with my own mind I’d be seriously looking at our relationship. He’s an adult. If you are concerned about health then have a conversation, if you need to save money, have a conversation, but dictating what an adult eats or drinks? Nope.

DUH! He is using his wife's money to fund his drinking habit because he is broke.

So he isn't a responsible adult and can't be trusted. He has a wife and kids to think about and he is putting his life at risk.

Original poster
Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 21:45

Mum2jenny · 06/02/2024 21:18

I spend more than that a month on alcohol. Each to their own poison imo.
Plenty of people spend more than that a month on cigarettes or tobacco.
Unless you are really short of money, he is an adult and an adult can choose their ‘drug of choice’.
Your dh choses pop and energy drinks, there are much worse choices out there.

He can have it, I'm just not paying for so much of it anymore. I'm already shouldering the majority of the bills. I'm not shouldering his sugar addiction too.

If he can't afford/be arsed to budget for it out of his money then it's game over I guess?

I wouldn't expect him to spend £108 on chocolate and sweets for me every month.

OP posts:
somekittenmittens · 06/02/2024 21:46

The caffeine content in monster isn't that bad, afaik it's 150mg in the white monsters and 400mg is a safe amount to consume per day. Can you get him on the diet fizzy drinks and buy it in bulk?

Original poster
Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 21:48

Alwayswonderedwhy · 06/02/2024 21:37

Aside from the money aren't you worried about his health? He must feel awful drinking that rubbish every day.

Very much so, he almost certainly has stomach problems already. Unfortunately there's nothing I can say or do that makes a blind bit of difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 21:52

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/02/2024 21:39

You're enabling him actually.

Stop subbing him!

He is an addict. Those drinks will kill him if he doesn't quit.

What is he self medicating for? Do you know?
But seriously, STOP SUBBING HIM.

He has been drinking them for years. When I met him (7 years ago) he was a night shift worker and said he has one of an evening to keep him alert. He ended up getting addicted to them and now carries on having them because he "likes them"

OP posts:
justasking111 · 06/02/2024 21:54

Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 21:48

Very much so, he almost certainly has stomach problems already. Unfortunately there's nothing I can say or do that makes a blind bit of difference.

Show quote history

His stomach issues will be bad with pop.

MixedCouple · 06/02/2024 21:55

I mean it depends if there are other drinks included i.e Alcohol. But yeah that is mad at least for out household.
We buy 1 bottle of juice each week and the rest of the time it is water and teas and coffee. But only 1 hot drink a day.

It is roughly £30 a month at the very most that's for the entire household not 1 person.
£108 for 1 person is mad.

Nazzywish · 06/02/2024 21:57

It's not even the money that the issue here it's the sheer mount of sugar he's consuming is really bad for him!

He must have so many dental issues?!

sandyhappypeople · 06/02/2024 22:02

Yetmorebeanstocount · 06/02/2024 20:00

Here is my suggestion for managing finances:

Have a joint current account, and a current account each.

Work out what all household and child bills are - all bills, food, cleaning, childcare, child clothes, school dinners, child activities, Christmas, birthday presents from you both to wider family, holiday, etc. Add it all up based on a year.
Consider a joint savings account for annual things like Christmas, holidays, and child's birthday - put a bit in each month from the joint current account - set up an automatic transfer.

Work out what you should each pay into the current account, to cover what you just calculated - based on what you each earn. For example, if you earn 2000 and he earns 1500, then you put in 200 for every 150 he puts in.

Personal spending you each pay out of your own accounts. You need to decide if phones and cars will be personal or joint. His work lunches should come out of his own account, but if he wants to take a packed lunch instead that comes out of the weekly food shopping.

Then if he blows all his money on fizz and crisps, that is his problem.

An alternative method is to both pay into the joint leaving you both with equal personal money - e.g. you both put all your income into the joint except 200 each. This means that the higher earner doesn't end up with more spending money.

If you can't trust him to pay into the joint on time, then both get your salaries paid straight into the joint and then transfer out your personal allowance.

Be careful with this OP, me and DH do this and it works perfectly, but we're both good with not overspending and communicating about what we do spend.

It sounds like OPs other half will go to the corner shop and pay top dollar because he can use her money to do so, if he has access to a joint account with enough funds for the month, he'll blow through that before the month is out, and god forbid you put ALL the money in there.. just no. He obviously is no good at budgeting so it's best for you families sake if you keep control of it.

It's great in theory, and great advice, but it doesn't always work in practice.

I'd just carry on as you are and don't give him your card to go to the corner shop with when his runs out, and bulk buy drinks to make sure it's cheaper and he's got a stash to last as long as it needs to, if he drinks it all too soon that's his problem tbh.

sandyhappypeople · 06/02/2024 22:04

Why doesn't he go to the supermarket rather than pop to the corner shop when he runs out of stuff?

Original poster
Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 22:06

sandyhappypeople · 06/02/2024 22:04

Why doesn't he go to the supermarket rather than pop to the corner shop when he runs out of stuff?

Convenience, basically. The corner shop is just down the road and the nearest supermarket is much further away.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 06/02/2024 22:07

Can he not order a online bulk delivery?

RogueFemale · 06/02/2024 22:08

Mum2jenny · 06/02/2024 21:18

I spend more than that a month on alcohol. Each to their own poison imo.
Plenty of people spend more than that a month on cigarettes or tobacco.
Unless you are really short of money, he is an adult and an adult can choose their ‘drug of choice’.
Your dh choses pop and energy drinks, there are much worse choices out there.

He's an adult and he can choose if he pays for it, but OP is paying.

Viviennemary · 06/02/2024 22:09

He could spend that on a coffee per day. Honestly if this was a man there would be a pile on saying financial abuse and controlling behaviour.

ThereIbledit · 06/02/2024 22:09

Even if he switched to diet lemonade and diet monster (if there is such a thing?) the carbonation will be rotting his teeth and the additives would rot his gut biome. I was stunned when my dentist told me that the carbonated plain water I was drinking was what was giving me sensitive teeth - the carbonation alone is acidic, let alone the added sugar.

And all that carbonation in his digestive tract - I presume he is farting constantly? GRIM.

I think he needs a massive jolt of a health wake up - although I'm sorry I don't know how you would do that.

SamuelDJackson · 06/02/2024 22:12

The drinks are just a symptom though

You basically want him to grow up, stop acting like a super attenuated teenager with his impulse driven shortsighted diet and spending habits, and take some responsibility for your shared life/kids, engage with budgeting, take care of his health, take his share of the load and think about your shared future. I hope he engages with and understands this.

(Been in a similar relationship and got the complete ick when I realized that I had slid and been nudged gradually into the role of mothering a man child type who had limited life skills and no interest in acquiring them. Luckily we did not have any children - but I could see that if we stayed together the future would be me doing all the lifting while standing in a parent type role, managing him and his inadequacies at the same time)

RogueFemale · 06/02/2024 22:13

Viviennemary · 06/02/2024 22:09

He could spend that on a coffee per day. Honestly if this was a man there would be a pile on saying financial abuse and controlling behaviour.

So you think it's fine that OP's husband spends his month's wages in less than two weeks, then expects her to finance his sugar addiction for the rest of the month?

PurpleNebula84 · 06/02/2024 22:15

Camembertcufflinks · 06/02/2024 17:38

What about a fizzy water maker? There's the initial outlay but it could save money if he adds lemon squash to it. That's a lot to spend on fizzy drinks!

Look what my ad is 🤣🤣🤣🤣

£108 on his soft drinks every month
Stoptheworldpls · 06/02/2024 22:22

Wind your neck in and let the working adult buy something he likes...

sandyhappypeople · 06/02/2024 22:24

Rainbowsworms · 06/02/2024 22:06

Convenience, basically. The corner shop is just down the road and the nearest supermarket is much further away.

Show quote history

Are you sure he's not using it as an excuse just to get out of the house for a bit? Every day seems quite extreme, I sometimes walk to the shop with my toddler to give us a bit of fresh air and change of scenery even if we don't particularly need anything, it sounds just like a habit that he may not want to change.

If he went to the supermarket instead of the corner shop he could buy a weeks worth of stuff at a much cheaper price, it's odd that he's not doing that already, are you responsible for doing the big shop normally?

mindutopia · 06/02/2024 22:26

It's a treat for him. He buys it with his own money. It's not a joint expense. If he doesn't have enough personal spending money, no fancy special drinks for the rest of the month.

Dh and I have a joint account, plus our own personal accounts. If I did food shopping for the family, I'd pay for it out of the joint account. If I stop at the corner shop to get a coffee, I pay for it out of my personal account. It sounds like you need to restrict his spending on the joint account if he is spending frivilously on non-joint costs.