To have told my late teens that I won't be contributing

[itspurplestripes]

.. to their childcare arrangements , if and when they have kids. They were really surprised!
Lone parent here, working full time and intend to retire in about ten years. Ie I'll be relatively young.
It was a light conversation but they fully thought that I would be a part of their childcare set up in time.
I will f course be supportive and help
Out when needed and look forward to

Spending time with my grandkids but travel and renewing relationships and rest are certainly at the top of my list !
AIBU. Or is this the norm/ expectation now?

Good for you.
Let's hope you don't need lots of help when you are elderly.

Just be aware that setting this example for your children will also likely result in your children treating you the same when your elderly

Lets hope they are not banking on inheritance then.

Did they not support you when you were growing up though? It seems a bit mean to punish them for not helping out with your children.

What's inheritance got to do with anything?
Weird comment.

Not as weird as emotionally blackmailing your own parents

So we just ignore the 40 years in-between? You get out what you put in IMO.

I feel exactly the same. Happy to pitch in here and there but not for regular childcare no

Who's blackmailing anyone?
I find it very odd when families don't help each other.

Quite!

Nobody is talking about not helping out people are saying as we will be all still working full time when grandchildren are small it's unfair to expect people to commit to weekly childcare on their days off.

My DH spent much of last year hundreds of miles away helping his DM with his terminally ill
DF. If he’d said he wouldn’t help because they weren’t on hand over the years for childcare I’d have thought he was a massive shit.

No YANBU and have seen friends health suffer because of the demands of regular childcare as DGP

In fairness I don't think many posters have been saying that. They've been saying they plan to enjoy retirement and not provide regular childcare.

Well if they keep putting the retirement age up its unlikely anyone is going to get to enjoy retirement

@LyinLyingWitchInTheWardrobe My eldest is my son. It's my daughter abroad.

He wasn't has high earner back then nearly 6 years ago, hence my DiL went back to work, though whe did want to, anyway.

He wasn't long out of uni as a mature student. He is very good at what he does, so he has moved up the career ladder very quickly.

Family personal reasons he didn't go at the usual age of 18.

His career is high paying if you are good at what you do. He is a front-end software engineer team leader and is moving up to the overall software office manager this year.

It worked out well as it happened. My grandson kept me going. He gave me a reason to push myself into some sort of routine daily.

Thank you for your support, though. Yes, youngsters today do have a lot of expectations of parents. He is a good son, though, good dad and husband too.

Totally the opposite of his biological father, he has nothing to do with. Thank goodness.

I did happily remarry, and my late husband "became the dad he didn't have to be." to my 4

I couldn't decide before it was an issue. Depends how much I had to work at that stage/how busy my life was.

My Mum told me similar. I assumed at the time it was to put me off a teen pregnancy!

I live too far away for her to do significant childcare and wouldn't want her to anyway as I'm a sahm. But turns out she loves being a Gran and would love to be more involved after all 🤣

My DCs are 17 and 14 and I know so many people worried about pensions, what the financial cost to them will be of helping DCs with university costs, women who have split from partners and have fucked finances. They’ll still be working as many hours as their children well into their 60s and beyond.

Most of my friends had children between the ages of 33 and 43 - one of friends had her first at 34 and she’ll be 61 by the time her youngest is 18. If at (say) 64 her then 30 year old eldest asks her for help with a newborn and then the next DD asks when she’s 71 then the next when she is 73 (because that’s what the eldest got) she really won’t be thanking them for the opportunity to keep so fit.

Absolutely no way would I want my children to have the burden of looking after me when I'm old. Have you read some of the threads on here about just how stressful that is for children. No way do I want that for my kids.

Good you shouldn't expect it like you shouldn't expect other people to put their lives on hold to raise your children

I would absolutely want to help my kids out though.

Live is so hard for young people these days, if I can make things easier for them, I will. :)

Which is fine if you want to spend your days of work looking after toddlers but not everyone wants that. Some people want to spend time with friends or travel or doing hobbies. But people should be able to be able to choose this without guilt and threats.

Circles whittle down as you get older, I've seen people even with the most amazing social circles, get smaller and smaller and only family and gc are left.

Treasure gc they are a love gift and many people die without meeting their gc