To have told my late teens that I won't be contributing

[itspurplestripes]

.. to their childcare arrangements , if and when they have kids. They were really surprised!
Lone parent here, working full time and intend to retire in about ten years. Ie I'll be relatively young.
It was a light conversation but they fully thought that I would be a part of their childcare set up in time.
I will f course be supportive and help
Out when needed and look forward to

Spending time with my grandkids but travel and renewing relationships and rest are certainly at the top of my list !
AIBU. Or is this the norm/ expectation now?

My parents are the same, but the odd ones out among their friends. My mum in particular is so disparaging of her friends who babysit. It's painful to listen to.

My mum said this to me when I was young so when my husband and I were looking to move house I said we’d be fine to move quite far away from my mum as she doesn’t want to be involved in childcare anyway so we can just visit.

fast forward she absolutely adores my children and although she is alone in her mid seventies she comes down every week to help two afternoons a week. The children and her get a lot out of it. They all love each other and it’s a great source of joy for us all.

Fortunately we didn’t move so far that it was impossible to do this but I think she told us “no way” would she do it before factoring in how much she would love her grandchildren and that just helping them after school isn’t such hard work compared to a full day of childcare.

How are people planning to look after future grandkids 2/3 days a week when their moving retirement age up to 71 unless your children aren't planning a family until their in their 50s we will all still be in full time jobs.

I was 35 when I had my first child. If my eldest is also 35, that would make we 70. My state retirement age is 67.

I assume the MN cohort of parents of current young children must have more generous future
pension arrangements than average.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · Today 20:21

pollyglot · Today 20:13

How very strange. But still, it's always good for family members to know where they stand. Time to sit down with them and let them know that you won't be requiring any help from them in your dotage.
Goodness me, it's you that is the strange one. Imagine taking that stance with your parent. I would never expect care from my children, I would make provision for that myself but you'd be out of my will quick smart, grandchildren or none.

FFS - I wasn't serious!!! I remarked on its being strange because it's so very young to be talking of such matters.
I'm the strange one?? What have I done for you to accuse me in such a way? Did I say that I had said that to my kids? I worked until I was almost 70, am very independent, and sufficiently well-heeled both to provide for my children now, when they need the money, and allow myself a comfortable retirement, so they have no filial obligations.

Jeeze...lighten up!

My ultimate aim is to be responsibility free. Single mum to 3 here, and the teenage years have nearly broken me.
I don't plan to even have a pet when they leave home.
I will cherish my grandchildren if and when they come. But I'm not one of those women who'd be gutted if they chose to be child free.

But that is quite unusual or it is in my area most people I know had children in their teens and 20s. But if where saying this is the average I don't think expecting people in their 70s to look after toddlers on a regular basis is ideal.

Pah! My parents retired at 55 on final salary pensions. They still can't be arsed. I don't think pensions, or lack of, are really a factor in grandparent involvement.

Average age to have first child in the UK is 30.9.
Actually, I think it would be hugely beneficial to most 70 year olds to keep active it such a way. They might not want to do it, but that's a different question.

At 71 they’ll still be a year away from retirement.

At 70

Wait till you’re a grandparent, I have 6 grandchildren age 5 to 12 years old we have a great relationship with them.
I was lucky enough to retire early so I could have pre school time with them and it’s the best thing ever.
We have great fun with them, you’ll love it. I do agree though it’s a bit early to be thinking about it.

Anyway, all this talk of grandchildren, half our kids probably won't even have any children themselves 😁

So an average age to be a grandparent in 60 which means they will still be working full time for the next 11 years. I don't agree that it's beneficial for people in their 70s to be running around after toddlers. I'm in my 20s and am exhausted all the time if I'm still alive in my 70s I honestly don't think I'd have it in me

I remember an awful thread where the grandma had a job in a bakery.

No problem according to her son and DIL, she could have the kids 5 days, and work nights.

And had the brass neck to demand she couldn't go on holiday in term time. And the poor woman wondered AIBU!

It's staggering what some people are like. Then guilt tripping with the old "you don't want to spend time with the kids".

GP's are for a bit of babysitting, emergencies, days out, treats and sleepovers.

Not full time childcare.

Frankly having worked all my life from 18 to almost 60 without a break, I've done enough.

I don't agree that it's beneficial for people in their 70s to be running around after toddlers.

Well we'll have to agree to disagree on this bit. I think the worse thing an elderly person can to is take it easy, that's when the decline really starts.

You don't have health problems do you ?

I do.
Doctors advice is almost always to exercise and keep active.

As you age, you may think exercise could do more harm than good, especially if you have a chronic condition. However, studies show that you have a lot more to gain by being active — and a lot to lose by sitting too much. Often, inactivity is more to blame than age when older people lose the ability to do things on their own. Almost anyone, at any age and with most health conditions, can participate in some type of physical activity. In fact, physical activity may help manage some chronic conditions. Exercise and physical activity are not only great for your mental and physical health, but can help keep you independent as you age.

I can't praise you enough for getting this out early! It allows the kids to know what will happen, without having the conversation when everyone is emotional. And it allows the kids to plan and take responsibility! A win all around. You are not unusual in wanting this. I have worked with many women who were very resentful that their kids assumed they would do childcare, or tried to guilt them into it.
Hold strong! And mention it, and you future plans, in passing going forward so they know you are serious.

When a dr tells people in their 70s with health conditions to stay active they mean go for a gentle stroll not run around after toddlers for 10 hrs a day

YANBU... but then my mum always said the same and totally changed her tune once DD arrived and now does one day a week. Conversely, my MIL kept saying when I was pregnant that she'd happily look after the baby three or four days a week... we said we were grateful but that perhaps one day would be better as we also wanted DD to go to nursery for a bit of socialisation. I think she's grateful we did now that DD is a very active toddler 😆

Just be aware it works both ways and they may not wish to support you in your old age.
My parents didn't help, not at all and I feel no guilt whatsoever now the tables are turned and my 80 year old needs support. Not ny problem.

What if they turn around and tell you that they don't want any? How will you feel then?