Irks me to see mums boasting about "childfree" nights out & "kid free weekends away"

[Bridgetjoneski]

I just find it very distasteful! I have one or two mum friends on insta & know them in real life. But at least every fortnight they have insta posts up about "kid free" night out with dh or "kid free weekend away". They are quite wealthy & both work full time, I just find it very unsavoury. Tag a dinner your hubby but no need to state the kids absense.
Is this a rising trend or just limited to the pair I know? The latest status tagging the latest dinner out was "not a child in sight"...

It 'irks' me that so many adults engage in social media then get pissy about people posting things they don't like.

It's not compulsory, just don't use it if it bothers you so much.

I'm sure you tell your children not to take social media seriously and not to think it's an accurate reflection of people's real lives.

@Bridgetjoneski
Why the constant need to say they are child free? Are their kids really such a burden? I just think it's distasteful
🙄
Not a burden at all.
Love them very much but also think it's important to try and keep a sense of self as well.

I don’t think you’re wrong about the child free hashtags but other posters aren’t going to hear the point you’re trying to make because you’re speaking from a position of incredible privilege which you’re not fully acknowledging.

Lots of other mum’s on here worked full time for years before they had children, and they still can’t afford to not work while raising their children at the same time. Therefore, they’re much more grateful than you of the little adult time they have and (unintentionally) aren’t expressing this in the best way on social media. Working while your children are at school is not the same as enjoying your free time while they’re at school - which you don’t seem to appreciate.

You’re very lucky that you’re in a position where you have a supportive husband (who you give no real credit to on this thread), you have a trusted relative who’s happy to babysit for you (not everyone has free childcare), and you received an inheritance which helps fund your relaxed lifestyle (the circumstances may not be great for how you got this money but you’ve still received a lump sum of funds that you didn’t earn).

Because it's pretty sad when the salient feature of your night out, the feature you choose to comment on and broadcast as a reflection of your values, isn't the company of your partner or the nice food or entertainment, or the company of your friends, but the absence of the children you brought into the world.

Your relief at being away from them is also a piss poor reflection on your parenting, given that the behaviour and manners you're so happy to have escaped from are all down to the input of you and your partner as parents.

It's really not that deep. It's a hashtag, something people just put on social media posts. It's not reflection of their values or parenting.

The people being othered here don't have social media and can't answer back. They're easy targets for the potshots. They provide a convenient context for people who want to appeal to a specific audience and identify as a certain type of parent. It's not just children who can be immature and objectionable pains in the arse.

If you want to fight back against the perfect insta family shite then do it explicitly. It's not children dressing the family up in matchy fashions and posting photos of themselves "making memories".

Children are not the enemy here.

@mathanxiety I think that is a rather narrow interpretation of the "childfree" comment. But most of us get it, even though some take exception. The "childfree" is not a standalone state of affairs, but rather an adjective of what it's describing such as an evening. A childfree evening, or night out does not make anyone bad parents, nor is the term offensive when taken in context. Mothers have enough to worry about without being policed for their hashtags. Funnily enough, the OP commented that before her children went to school, she was a "full-time mom". Which means she is #parttimemom now. Which sounds even worse than a child free evening. This thead is all about splitting hairs, and pretentious, judgemental nonsense.

Kids are a burden. It means a heavy load. And parenting decently well is a heavy load.
the first child free weekend I had I positively skipped out that door after 5 years without one.

It is absolutely a reflection of their values.

Even if it reflects their total inability to think in a serious way about what they're saying about themselves as parents, about their lives, and about their children, then they are expressing something that runs deep.

Mostly what it reflects is the zeitgeist - something that becomes part of the culture when people don't question it and # mindlessly because they don't want to be left out or come across as people who haven't got the memo, and they want to portray
themselves as parents whose attitude to their children is desirable and acceptable in the current culture. So it reflects the values of the school playground - the high priority placed on not standing out and not being left out.

Admitting that you love your children and find their company pleasant is met with eye rolling and mockery (you can see it on this thread). The current zeitgeist is quite anti child.

There are so many other adjectives that could be chosen.

Why is "childfree" the one they choose?

What I'm saying here is that words matter. They are not pulled out of the arse of the individuals posting the hashtag. They indicate something afoot in the culture.

Why is the company of one's children now considered so intolerable that an # evening out at # a restaurant or # a concert or # the pub with # partner or # friends can't be celebrated for its own sake, and the absence of children is the one aspect that people are choosing to highlight?

Why are children now lumped in with all the undesirable things we try to avoid?
Smoke free
Fat free
Sugar free
Worry free
Carefree
Debt free
Tax free
Child free
Cholesterol free
Stress free

No it isn't. The current zeitgeist is DC being at the forefront of everything, hence the histrionics, overthinking and pearl-clutching about a hashtag that really doesn't mean much at all.

For every child free hashtag you'll see just as many if not more #mummyofthree #lovemykids #fulltimemummy #makingmemorieswithmy kids #lovetheschoolholidays #proudmummyofneurodivergentkids #proudmummyofqueerkid #theonlyjewelryicareaboutismykidsarmsroundmyneck #mumlife #happykidshappymummy #loveparenting #mumgoals #newmummy #boymummy #workingmum and on and on and on.

I thought everyone knew not to take social media so seriously? that what people post isn't usually a reflection of their real life? That likes and hashtags don't really mean anything? Isn't that what we tell children?

@mathanxiety Why would I choose "childfree"? If I was having a night out without my children, it is in its literal sense an evening where I am childfree. Feel free to read all kinds of conspiracies into it if you wish, but that's why I would choose it, and I suspect why a lot of others use it too. #commonsensefree seems to be a thing too. A lot of women and couples choose a childfree life, not just an evening out. Is that a negative thing now that needs to be lumped into your list?

You need to lighten up- hashtags is one of many things people may be putting on social media alongside photos etc.
It's sad that one parent tries to police the way another parent expresses themselves.

Maybe you would find life in north Korea a lot more to your taste.

Nope. I am allowed to want time away from my IVF kids including the one who doesn't want to sleep later than 5am. It is actually unhealthy especially for those who had infertility struggles to feel they have to enjoy every minute.

#eatcakeinpeace#

OP I'm more curious what your algorithms are that you see so much of this that it irks you. I have literally never seen a #childfree post on SM, ever.

I don't do social media, so my hashtags aren't entirely hypothetical. I might make a joke on a whatsapp group or something though.
The singular unique feature of the event, is the absence of the children. I dedicate every other waking moment to them, they accompany us to most social functions. Being apart from the children is absolutely remarkable. If you don't get it, you either had far more frequent support or had nobody to do childfree stuff with.

@mathanxiety it's currently anti children & anti family. There is a lot of anti family sentiment around too. So no wonder #childfree #childless #notakidinsight etc is seen as acceptable messaging to send to out about your children.
So many different ways as repeated on here to express one's delight at a well deserved night out but it's acceptable to take a shot at one's kids. It's extremely abrasive.
.

They are people I'm acquainted with who follow me on social media & vice versa. It's not only hashtagged but also captioned. One mum every fortnight, her caption & hashtag always the same vein #childfree #notakidinsight...

So the mum had maybe 6 child free hours in two weeks?
And you are criticising her for celebrating that?
Yet you have 6 child free hours (at least) every single day?

You really think the two situations are comparable? Being at work isn’t “child free time” it’s work time.

Your friend comes home from being at the beck and call of her boss to be at the beck and call of her children. Day in day out. At the weekend she probably tries to squeeze in spending time with her children plus doing all her housework/groceries and whatnot.
She doesn’t get 6 hours every single day to dick around at yoga.
The only way she gets any type of downtime is to arrange childcare. Those six hours every two weeks are the only time she gets to do what she wants. And that’s precious. But you can’t appreciate that; because you get literally 10x the amount of downtime she does.

Just getting back to the current anti family & anti child sentiment that's currently trendy..
Primark have also jumped on the bandwagon with their "found family" campaign which again to be gives the impression ones family can be disposable just like the #childfree shenanigans which are deemed acceptable.

Mute them. I've muted all the twats who post #bubba #famalam #makingmemories #familyismyworld #snuggles and other assorted shite.

There is thousands of more appropriate less abrasive hashtags that can be used without hashtagging negative connotations onto your children.
Celebrate who you are out socialising with ie friends or partner. No need to drag the children into it. It's unnecessary. #nightout #datenight #coupletime etc convey the same meaning without throwing digs at the kids.

It's not a dig at the kids FGS. There's nothing implied about their kids, their parenting, their love for their children or whatever else nonsense you are reading into it.

#childfree etc doesn't bother me. I do find #winetime and all of those references to needing booze to get through time with your kids sad.

OP if this is all you have to worry about in life you should think yourself lucky. Some of us have real problems to deal with.

You seem to have no concept of the stresses of working mums, which is fine but you can’t then start passing judgement on what they post on SM during what is probably a rare and most welcome night out. Leave them be and stop with the sanctimonious crap.