AIBU to decline this wedding invite?

[kcchiefette]

Just as FYI I dont think this wedding is well planned in the slightest.

My boyfriend's friend is getting married elsewhere in UK in September and invited him and myself to the wedding. Apparently they aren't doing official invites, they're just emailing?! Anyhow..

Boyfriend and I decide to book flights and venue after he said his friend confirmed we were going. Flights paid outright. Venue not paid as its on arrival. Flights were about £100 for myself. Also booked make up appointment locally where I paid £10 deposit to secure the date/time as it was close by the hotel.

Anyway, a day after doing all this, my boyfriend screenshots a message sent from his friend saying that there isnt room for me any longer but I can go to the evening reception.

The location of the wedding is quite rural and not much about, so there isnt much to occupy myself with during the day. It also seems rather embarrassing to have my boyfriend at the actual wedding then arriving separately for the evening (which will be even more money in taxis etc, say an additional £30 from hotel). I also wouldnt need a make up appointment if just going to a party and certainly wouldnt need make up done at 10am.

Apparently, they said if someone "drops out" I can have their space.

I have a 6 year old I co parent and a dog that needs to be kennelled etc so I would need to know in advance to make arrangements. I would also need to book 1x day off work.

AIBU to say that I no longer wish to go, sacrifice the £110 I have already spent as spending my whole weekend away from my child and additional expenses of hotel, kennel, transport alone etc plus booking into my annual leave is just not worth it for an evening party?

I also cant wait in the hope that theres a "drop out" as I have to plan well in advance with child and dog to ensure I can do these things.

Ive told boyfriend that he can go on his own to the wedding if I havent been told I have a space by early June.

People don’t seem to have any manners any more, I’d rather go into my overdraft to pay for someone I’d accidentally invited than recind the invitation. I’m embarrassed for them.

And I never understand why people are so offended when they are on the B list. Surely we all know where we feature in people's lives and where we are in the pecking order. That's OK,we can't all be BFF s for everyone and it's still a honour to be considered I think. This us a general point to those outraged re evening only or invited later than others.

Having just had a Scotland wedding, not being Scottish, or from Scotland, with no friends in Scotland I must say it's absolutely ridiculous that they think people will come to just the evening party. Like wtf? are these people being realistic.

Personally, I would decline, (husband would too but that's by the by) I wouldn't wait to be reinvited as a back up. I'm not going to that wedding.

The bridge and groom seem to be completely incompetent at organising their wedding!

It could be worse, we had one recently (that we had thankfully declined for other reasons) where the venue 5 hours away in the arse end of nowhere needed everyone out the room after the meal to turn it around for the evening reception. Fair enough, but "out" was actually out-outside, as it is a small venue with nowhere else for guests to go for 90 mins. In November in NW Scotland!!!

The couple ended up hiring a small tent marque with one small patio heater and a handful of folding chairs. Very few people take their "big" coat to a wedding as they don't expect to be outside for long. I am told some of the more elderly guests were quite ill looking from sitting out in the cold. No bar/entertainment. Some people were stuck at the entrance to the tent marque as there was not enough room in it and were wet/freezing! Sounds like it was one to remember! Venue was very different and looked lovely on social media though which the most important thing! 🤔

That's really cheeky of them to say you are no longer invited to the day time. So now do what suits you best without regard to them. They're the ones who have let you down.

Definately decline - you were invited then uninvited which is awful. I can’t believe they couldn’t make space for one extra person if they cocked up. Did they try everything with the venue to squeeze you in? Sounds like they put no thought into the guest list before sending out email invites (I can understand perhaps an email to save the date but email invites for a Wedding???). Hope you get the wasted money back.

Yup, decline.

People are funny about weddings.

Years ago I was invited as a "plus one" to a wedding held in a temple at Stourhead. It was boiling and when I arrived the best man grabbed me and said something along the lines of "you're a big chap, could you help carry the chairs up to the temple" and then vanished. So I spend 45 minutes in 30 degree heat lugging chairs up the hill to this temple, sweating through my suit while the other guests swig champagne. I finally get a drink in my hand and we're told it's time to go in before the bride arrives, so drink down. After I finally sit down in one of the chairs I carried up the hill there is a lot of awkward whispering and then the best man reappears to tell me that there has been a mix-up and there isn't room for me to attend the actual wedding, but I'm still welcome at the reception.

I saw him walking over to me again later in the day but when he saw my expression he veered off and asked someone else to carry the chairs down that frigging hill!

Back to OP, you are NOT being unreasonable in not going!

"anti bride misogyny"? 😂😂😂 Catch yourself on and look up the meaning of misogyny you fool.

I've been a bride twice cause I loved it so much I know things have moved on, but it's still fairly normal for brides to mostly plan (I know this isn't the case for all). I'm not bride hating at all, love it, can't wait for my next time.

Thats vile behaviour, I wouldn't speak to them again!

I hope you didnt go!

Duchally?

Nope

Its literally a really small venue, I think they may be one of the first weddings theyve done.

I did, but by that point only for the free food and I may have brought the story up once or twice to slightly embarrass the couple in question.

My point which was badly made was that people put too much store on a single day, which in all honesty will be forgotten pretty quickly.

Seriously, the moment your BF tells them you're not coming to the wedding, eyes may be rolled. After that they are not even going to think of you as they choose their playlist and practice the lift from Dirty Dancing.

Do what works for you.

Tell them to get stuffed. They clearly have zero regard and zero manners. I’d go as far as asking for the money you’ve already forked out back seeing as you were on the original email?

The chances of someone else dropping out are probably quite high but it does sound a faff.

I'd just sent my wedding invites out and I got one from my cousin which didn't include my now DH. My brother got the same despite his wedding being about six months away. Apparently only long-term partners were invited not bf or gf 😂.

One of my other cousins turned up draped over some guy but apparently "it's serious and they're getting engaged soon" (never saw him again!).

Of course nearly everyone wanted to know where my fiancé and my brother's fiancée were - much to the embarrassment of my cousin. They didn't even get an evening reception invite. (I had a great laugh with my brother instead).

I suspect your bf will be asked much the same questions...

That's awkward and unprofessional. Although a wedding guest "plus one" booking a make up appointment????? That, I have never heard of. Personally I'd go to have a weekend of downtime without child and dog - but insist the boyfriend pays for your hotel accommodation and food. You already contributed enough with cost of flight and kennels.

@LightDrizzle hang on 😂 they ‘uninvited’ her after she booked a flight.. if I was her I wouldn’t give a monkeys if I gave them an hours notice I wouldn’t be attending. Just because they are the bride and groom doesn’t give them to power to be so rude and disregarding of other peoples commitments and arrangements to be made.

Really lame behaviour on their part!!!
I really would not want to go, based on the details you've given.
If your boyfriend is annoyed too (which I think you've said), maybe consider flying there, spending the day in Edinburgh, and going to the evening part together.
Or just go together and forget the wedding altogether! I would ask how good a friend he is to your boyfriend, but the way they are handling this situation doesn't bode well in my opinion.

Money not tight then.

Stay home and if they don't refund the air fare don't give them a wedding gift.

It is tight.

To go on to this wedding I would be sacrificing my savings I would usually put away for 2x months and maybe would need to dip into my savings pot also.

I usually have £150-200 left at the end of the month, I am not exactly a huge earner.

Decline now and try and get your flight back. Many years ago me and a group of friends were invited to the evening do only of another friend of ours wedding.
we had all travelled 5 hours + to be there had to pay for accommodation. The invitation didn’t say much but we assumed there would be food as we were asked for 6.30pm. Arrived by taxi it was in the middle of nowhere. No food, it was a pub and we had to pay for our drinks. Bride and groom and rest of wedding party turned up two hours late as they had been finishing off the free booze at wedding breakfast. We couldn’t nip anywhere to get food as it was a good 20 minute taxi ride each way and we had already all forked out masses of money. Groom was slightly horrified once he arrived and paid for a few drinks, some stale sandwiches finally appeared at 10.30. We all left as soon as we could and vowed never to go to an evening do only again unless it was local to us. It was a time in our lives when many of us had our first jobs and weren’t earning much so we all paid a fortune to basically go to a crap pub and eat stale
food!

Oh dear.

Yes!

I just need to say I don't understand this UK stuff. I'm an European, whoever you're invited they are always invited on a whole thing as we don't separate stuff anyway and the guests are not paying for food or drinks, this is all included. Yes, they would normally sort out their own accommodation if needed, but it's rarely happening, as they would potentially stay with friends who lives nearby or go back straight after. But yes, we are a small country. And yes, we have different culture and habits. But I never understood how you invite someone on a wedding or reception and they have to pay. So ridiculous.